DH wants to tell employer

[Wifeof14years]

Back last Nov following a serious health scare for my husband (stroke in his late 30s) whilst he was on sick leave he confessed to me that he had stolen some funds from an organisation he was working with. We were in a massive amount of debt, since the birth of our youngest DD and costs were spiralling. I also think he was worried about our loss of income as I only received MA.

DH then went on to confess to the organisation. Borrowed money from parents to repay some of the funds and is now facing criminal proceedings. Awaiting a decision from police as to next steps but it’ll be Court and conviction

I try to be supportive but this is so stressful. DH is a good father and husband. He works so hard and is devastated by what he did. We are now in debt management and are making small in roads to paying back. He hid it the stealing from me so I didn’t worry about the debt. He also gave so much of his time, maybe to hide his guilt, the overwork of which (he would be working 80-90 hours) prob caused his illness.

This is joint debt. We were trapped in a debt spiral and funds covered bills or expenses or to avoid a missed payment fee.

fast forward to today. Hubby has a new job, three months in and is doing really well. He wants to tell his new employers before it goes all the way to Court as it is eating him up. He doesn’t know what they will say. He says he will offer to resign if they want him too.

I think he is mad as he doesn’t have to say anything as yet and we desperately need his income. I’m also so angry and disappointed in him and want to rant and rave at him but he is so downhearted and disappointed in himself I don’t feel I can.

AIBU?

I doubt he'll need to resign once they find out what he's done, to be honest.

Tell him to read his employment contract.

Some of the companies I've worked for you have to tell them if criminal proceedings are being taken against you as soon as you know.

Others have contact clauses that mean if criminal proceedings are taken against you, you could be bringing the company into disrepute.

Blimey what an awful situation. Did your husband not have to give references when he got the new job? I hate to say it but I think he will be let go once they found out what he has done - because he did do it, right?
In your situation, it's not ideal, but I would probably get DH to keep quiet as long as possible and pay off as much debt as you can while you have his salary. In the meantime, you need to work out how you are going to become the breadwinner, as I think it will be very hard for him to find gainful employment once he has a conviction for theft. I am so sorry you are going through this.

This is difficult because on the on hand, given your circumstances, I'd support not telling them. He's confessed, made/making reparations and is going through resulting criminal proceedings. There's nothing left to correct.

On the other hand, your husband's health sounds like if could be at serious risk if he says nothing.

Presumably, he has a solicitor / barrister. He / you both should speak to them and seek formal legal advice. If they support the opinion that he doesn't need to say anything, he can keep sctum without it weighing on his conscience.

Wishing you both the very best of luck

He need to tell them no doubt could be in the paper

Also depends if it’s relevant to his current job

Definitely read his contract thoroughly. He may not need to disclose it. This is a really sad situation and I hope the court are sympathetic.

No real experience here but it seems clear he is remorseful and facing the consequences of his actions.

I would hope that his new employer allows the justice system to do its job and not try to punish him further. I understand that they may feel at risk of theft if he stays in their employment but I hope that his attempts to put right his mistake, and his honesty in bringing it to their attention, would help to assure them that he is not going to do the same thing again.

I might be niaive…. But I can see why your husband would want to get ahead of this and be honest to his employer.

I’m probably in the minority but I wouldn’t tell until I absolutely had to. The risks of immediate dismissal would impact finances and make the situation worse than it needs to be.
Presumably he needed a reference from the employer he stole from? So if they didn’t tell why should he.

Has the solicitor given you an idea of what the outcome of the trial will be? I would keep quiet and wait for the verdict. Is he in a similar job to the one he stole from?

Agree with checking contract of employment.

If convicted, DH will find it hard to bet back into employment, whether or not it's a custodial sentence. I used to work with a charity that exists to get women that had been through the prison system - similar charities exist for men.

From memory, larger organisations that we worked with, and thus had a more enlightened view of rehabilitation included Pret a Manger & Mitie. For men, there's also the Timpsons chain, I'll rack my brains and see if I can think of any others - but the charities that exist for men should be able to help.

duur *been through the prison system

been through the prison system back into employment.

As others have said most contracts have a clause saying you are obliged to tell your employer if you’ve been accused of a criminal offence or convicted of certain offences.

The other thing is how is he going to get time of for court dates and interviews?
Bringing the company into disrepute is another factor, I would be honest with my employer as trying to hide it will show he never learned his lesson in the first place adds to being dishonest in character.

Say nothing.

He mustn’t tell them unless he is working with money.
He needs to prioritise his family over his guilt. He’s doing something about it. He needs to leave it be and do the best for you all.

Won't they already know. Surely he was CRB checked. There again though do cases sent over to the CPS show up. He's not even charged yet is he let alone convicted.

I'm not sure you're legally required to tell an employer anything unless they actually ask you. Some contracts have clauses around disclosure, usually if it's a job that requires DBS clearance, but most don't.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't tell your employer though, especially if the conviction is going to happen during his current employment and he knows it. He would be better getting advice from somewhere like CAB first, or one of the many organisations that deals with this kind of thing, otherwise he'll just lose his job by doing it the wrong way. Harsh, but it sounds like he's so depressed he would be likely to mess it up! Stop really stress to him he needs to seek advice FIRST, don't just walk in and announce it.

Are you back in work now? Because if this is going to happen soon, and there's a possibility of him losing his job again, you should be prepared just in case.

Unless he works in a job where he is required to disclose his convictions, he doesn’t need to unless it’s likely to be newsworthy.

Was he asked to disclose any criminal matters past or pending on his job application? If so and he didn't then he has likely already broken his employment contract.

I think this is good advice. If there's nothing in his contract that says he has to disclose now, I think he should wait until the last minute before the trial so as to maximise earnings, and come clean at the last minute. In the meantime he needs to be the most model employee there ever has been, and be very very careful not to get himself in a situation where he could come under suspicion - so never be alone with cash takings, for example. If something goes missing he'll be top of the suspect list.

The advice about you manoeuvring to be the main earner is solid.

He didn’t know at time of employment it would go into criminal proceedings. He had offered to repay and started after the initial lump sum to make regular payments.
He has the phone call from the police and went to a voluntary interview after starting.

His job required a DBS but this was clear, at the time. But will be renewed every three years. He now works for a charity who do employ people with criminal records but as below he is worried this is close to the knuckle.

He doesn’t work with money. And is adamant he never wants to put himself in that position ever again.

For better clarity, but please don’t hate on him, he is beating himself up enough and he has given 40 hours a week to them for five years - he didn’t steal from his employer. But from a charitable organisation he worked with.

No judgement from me op, I think desperate people do desperate things x

Yes I’m back in work. Started a few weeks ago. Earning a lot less than him, he’s been so supportive of my career changing and not pushing me to be out of my comfort zone with work. I don’t want a career just my work and our family.

Unfortunately you may not have a choice in being the breadwinner.

As I said he needs to read his employment contract on whether he needs to tell them, and if he does when as unfortunately some people appear in the local media.

I expect there will be something in his contract about declaring any criminal sanction. He will be better off telling his employer now rather then waiting to see what happens. If there is a court case it will be in the public domain anyhow but if his work does employ people with criminal records they sound reasonable and would probably appreciate the honesty. Good luck, I really mean that x

This is going to sound really flippant and I don't mean it that way - but does it matter? Presumably he is facing prison time so will lose his job anyway?