AIBU for being upset for my child not being in the same class for Reception as his other friends from Pre-school?

[belxbel]

And... he's the ODD ONE OUT. There's 9 children from the pre-school joining the school for Reception this September, and my son is the ONLY ONE that being placed to a different class. I know I know he can make new friends, and the still can play together at break times... But my child also autistic, that we are so looking forward for Reception in September as the teachers, school admins, and SEND team had shown great support.

There's many collaborations and interaction between the Pre-school and School, so it's very unlikely they didn't know my child IS in the pre-school with with other 8 children. Plus, we are a close group of parents, that has got constant playdates, and small birthday parties together.

I have approached the school, and as expected I got a very official, corporate, PC speech. That they do the split based on MANY CONSIDERATIONS, and there are even twins that's not in the same class etc etc.

I know there's no chance I able to get switched, as all confirmations had sent out and everyone already have placed in one class. I still can't help to feel upset and to think this is too deliberate (but why?). 😢

I think it's fine to question, but your last sentence sounds like you feel as though your child is being victimised for some reason. I'm sure that's not the case and if that is how you feel, you should let go of it before the school year starts. There are reasons, if you knew them you may or may not agree with them, but it's not at all likely that any of the reasons are motivated by spite towards your child.

That seems very unfair. With my son there were ten nursery kids and literally five went to one Reception class and five to the other. Sorry Op

We had that and honestly my kid found it hard. He was absolutely best friends with the kids who went to the other reception class and couldn't understand why he was the only one not allowed to do so. I did try and get him to change class to no avail. In practice, we actually moved schools in the end because he never settled

I feel for you OP. I do think it’s different for neurodiverse children than it is for neurotypical children.

DS1’s two-class year group was mixed up after Reception. DS has complex autism and other disabilities and had worked incredibly hard during the school year to make friends. He was close friends with 3 children and got on well with a further five. Every single one of them was placed in the other class. We asked for a re-think and were refused. He found it extremely difficult and I actually think it made his autism more apparent. He pretty much gave up making friends. Years later I found out that the headteacher had accepted that it had been the wrong decision to separate him from all of his friends, but she always supported her staff in front of parents and therefore refused our request.

I’m not sharing this to make you worry, OP, although I fear that you may. I just wanted to share my boy’s experience as a child with autism, because I think a lot of the posters on this thread may not have experienced the situation with a neurodiverse child. My son with autism is just one child with autism - and I hope yours will settle quickly and make friends easily.

Yabu. Your child autistic or not will be fine. My twins were separated, although the school did ask my opinion, and my elder 2 autistic boys were also moved from friends. Mums tend to worry about this a lot more than the kids.

Your child will be fine. BUT you have to accept that the other 8 parents have asked that THEIR child ( they’re as important to them as your child is to you) are NOT is the same class as your child. Enough said.

This rings so many bells with me. Always the odd one left at the end and pushed into any class regardless of whether at least one of my friends was with me. When teams were picked I was always the last. Had long term effect on me. Any chance you can invite one or two from new class to play after school with Mum so you get to know the grown ups too.

This happened to one of my NCT group, her child has autism and displayed a lot of challenging behaviours and she did eventually find out that one of her preschool mum friends had written to school on behalf the group and requested that the child was not in the same class as the other kids. It’s sad but from what I can gather the other mums liked my friend but were fed up with her kid’s behaviour towards theirs.

Sorry to hear this, it is so difficult as a parent, but try not to worry. My youngest Dd is currently in reception and I was quite upset this time last year. She went to the nursery attached to the school. She had a number of friends who were lovely kids. She spent a lot of time with one particular girl though who she would come home saying this girl had punched her and how this girl wouldn't let her play with her other friends. I had also witnessed this girl being very domineering and possessive with my daughter at party's. When the split between the two classes happened, my daughter was placed with this girl and all her other friends in the other class. We found out the split at a 'Welcome to Reception' evening at the school. I had to leave the building as was feeling tearful. I didn't need to worry though. She started reception and the girl who had been so possessive with my Dd no longer wanted to play with her as she'd moved onto someone else. She quickly made two knew friendship's with two other lovely girls who she now has a close bond with. She is also still friends with the children from the other class and does an after school activity with a number of them.

This is a hard one, my son made friends in reception class, they did get split up, but luckily my son and his best friend got to stay together, the teachers said they were like little Ant and Dec.
They kept them together the whole way through Primary.
Sadly they did get split up when, I chose a different secondary school for my son, this was due to it being closer to where we lived and the feeder secondary school was in special measures.
My son did know another lad from his Primary who was going to the same secondary, they weren't huge friend's but hung out for a bit, my son then went on to make other friends. He gets bad anxiety attacks and isn't too keen on meeting new people, but he has adapted. Hopefully the other class well better suit his needs.

Tell them in writing and request a response in writing. DD’s state school did this to her in Reception because the school planned to share her SEND resources with other autistic / disabled kids.

Email or go in and they’ll probably swap him

Maybe your child needs more attention than is able to be given in the other class. It's not fair to other children for one child to take up more of the teacher's time. I'm one of those nasty folks who believe that children with special needs belong in a special needs classroom.

I understand why you’re upset and I would have been too, they should have balanced better. That said, as everyone else said, it will upset you more than him and sure he will be just fine

This happened to my son and I sent a begging email to the school and it turns out one of the other class had a kid that was a no show and he got to move. I was worried and strung out about it all summer to be honest - in hindsight I can see it would have worked out ok but at that time I was oekased he was moved. If you are still concerned I would speak to them again - if night be a considered choice or maybe even totally random.

I realise that this is not the case for the OP's child, but just an alternative experience- in my school the children are placed according to age, so nothing to do with known SEN, or previous settings, just split three ways by age. The children are then mixed into new classes to go into year 1, when the teachers will take many factors into account, based on their knowledge of the year group.

That is upsetting. Hopefully the school is doing what is best for your child. I don’t mean to sound awful, but is it possible your child didn’t get along with some of the children in the preschool? If there are personality clashes they tend to separate them.

Schools should really not be catering to what PARENTS think it's best for THEIR child. They need to take into account all the children's needs. From my considerable experience of 4 year olds and my limited experience of autism, this is not necessarily a school which puts the child first. OP should have had a much better explanation when her child is the only one of 9 left out. It's not the sign of a good school, unless they can give her a very positive reason why it's best for her child.

It's sometimes easier to sound supportive than actually be supportive. I can't think why they would not put at least 2 or 3 other children from preschool in his class.

Absolutely not being unreasonable, been through similiar, a few years ago. Luckily my kids school resolved it no problem. My advise would be put it in an email so there is a paper trail and contact your child's consultant and ask their thoughts, they can speak to the school and say it will be detrimental. I understand there needs to be a cut off etc but fgs it's common sense to at least keep two of them together not just sticking one line child in. Xx

the school cannot disclose any information about other children, so they are very limited on what they can and will tell you.

There is A LOT of assumptions on this thread. Some things might become obvious when you get to know the 2 classes, some might not.

If the class is too unbalanced in reception, the school will have to mix children again for Y1, which is not always ideal.

I’m sure if the school have done this particular move then it is for a good reason. What else would it be? They don’t know you, they have nothing against you, it’s not personal, why be upset about it?

it is probably that the other group is better equipped to deal with the needs of the child.

I’d feel the same and actually I don’t think it is good for the others to be in such a big block either. I’m surprised they didn’t split the nursery group down. I think you have to try and make the best of it now and show that to your son and emphasise he will be able to play with his friends at break time and may well be at an advantage as hell know more people. But I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to be upset.

I have found that nursery friendships have stayed strong for my y2 daughter and whole she has expanded her circle, those early friendships have stayed constant.

If it is the case, OP, that these kid's parents have requested the separation then I would say it is for the best in the long run that he is distanced from these children. Their parents will no doubt exclude him from parties, never have playdates etc, whether their child likes him or not.

IF that is the case, this will allow him to have a fresh start with children whose parents might be more receptive to him.