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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The absolute irony

53 replies

Whattodowhen · 03/07/2023 00:29

So I was booking something earlier with my husbands card with his knowledge and permission (we jointly pay into the account it comes from) and it needed a security code by text to his phone. He had fallen asleep on the sofa so I unlocked his phone to get the code. His WhatsApp was open to his mate with a message from last Sunday saying he’d got home and I there was still a load of washing in the machine and hasn’t it been a hot day and a 😡 face basically insinuating I’m lazy for not hanging it out. He’d at that point been in the pub for 5 hours on a Sunday afternoon (as is usual most Sundays) while I was at home with our 2 young children. His comment also said something about him now having to tumble dry the school uniform for Monday (when I knew full well our child’s PE kit was clean and ready for school and if I didn’t do 95% of sorting the kids out he’d know that). His mate commented welcome to my world and I know he has the opinion his wife is lazy. For info I work 4 days in a professional career and contribute a substantial amount to household funds and also do 90% of the house/child/admin things at home. AIBU for wanting to absolutely tell him to get fucked for making out that I’m lazy!!

OP posts:
IneedcoffeeinanIV · 03/07/2023 00:39

Ooooooo I sat frowning just reading this so I can only imagine how livid you are. Absolutely call him out for it

HappiDaze · 03/07/2023 00:48

Say nothing so you get read what else he writes otherwise he'll just change the password

LadyWhineglass · 03/07/2023 00:49

You know that thing he thinks you don’t do? It’s time you stopped doing it.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 00:56

You mean like coming on here and moaning about him?
Women are always moaning about lazy husbands. Even when they aren't lazy, they just don't do things they way the woman wants.

You didn't need to read the WhatsApp and frankly you invaded his privacy by doing so...

PimpMyFridge · 03/07/2023 00:57

Incredibly disrespectful to be painting a completely skewed picture of the domestic scene this way. Hardly fair since he was relaxing in the pub either.
They sound like they've got a nice little mutual narrative of seething resentment and pulling down their wives between them, which says more about what they expect from you and how shit that is, than any failing of yours.

I think I would calmly explain how you came across this information and ask him to justify just exactly what was so wrong with the event he was complaining about that he had to go running to his friend to slag you off... Correct him on his 'facts' and ask him why he thinks you should continue to support him when he is willing to dishonour you to others for no crime at all...
And exactly what world is where two working parents should spend such radically different weekends, but the one picking things up so the other has some free time to enjoy, is the one judged to be slacking!!!

That is so crap. You must be incandescent.

Sparklesocks · 03/07/2023 00:58

What a dickhead

Avondale89 · 03/07/2023 00:59

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 00:56

You mean like coming on here and moaning about him?
Women are always moaning about lazy husbands. Even when they aren't lazy, they just don't do things they way the woman wants.

You didn't need to read the WhatsApp and frankly you invaded his privacy by doing so...

Found the OP’s husband!

PimpMyFridge · 03/07/2023 00:59

Moaning to someone who knows you and your family is completely different to venting anonymously.
A justified vent is also different to unfair criticism. Op wasn't being lazy.

Topseyt123 · 03/07/2023 00:59

I'd absolutely be calling him out on that.

It's a disgrace that he disappears to the pub for hours on end each Sunday anyway. Why are you putting up with that shit.

It's him who needs a rocket up his arse.

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/07/2023 01:03

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 00:56

You mean like coming on here and moaning about him?
Women are always moaning about lazy husbands. Even when they aren't lazy, they just don't do things they way the woman wants.

You didn't need to read the WhatsApp and frankly you invaded his privacy by doing so...

You realise he was down the pub while she was looking at after the children that day? And he calls her lazy!

Harrythehappypig · 03/07/2023 01:04

If my DH’s post-pub chat with his mate consisted of him moaning about washing and tumble drying I would consider him utterly tragic.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 01:06

Avondale89 · 03/07/2023 00:59

Found the OP’s husband!

Show quote history

Mm
Female
But do go on

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 01:09

Women literally moan to their friends all the time about their husbands

He didn't even actually call her lazy, she's inferred that

How would you all feel if you found out DH had seen a message to one of your friends where you'd called him lazy even though he feels he does plenty???

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/07/2023 01:10

Oh my goodness, I'd have all the RAGE!!

You do 90% of the housework and parenting, work a 4 day professional career and he has the fucking AUDACITY to slag you off to a mate for being lazy?

What a fucking cunt.

I'd absolutely call him out on this and I'd be bloody messaging his mate myself to set the record straight there too. Fucking pair of bloody jokers.

The 1950's called, it wants their twats back.

Original poster
Whattodowhen · 03/07/2023 01:11

@Harrythehappypig 😂 it did make me wonder what enthralling conversations they must have been having that day to prompt the message.

@HappiDaze unlikely as he’s a complete technophobe and would probably have to ask me how to change it.

@LadyWhineglass very tempting!

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld already explained how I saw it, didn’t look at any others. Just got my code I needed and had thoughts of smothering his snoring arse while he lay on the sofa (after coming home from the pub)

@PimpMyFridge thank you, unlikely to mention to anyone in real life but it did piss me off so grateful to the anonymous!

OP posts:
Avondale89 · 03/07/2023 01:16

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 01:09

Women literally moan to their friends all the time about their husbands

He didn't even actually call her lazy, she's inferred that

How would you all feel if you found out DH had seen a message to one of your friends where you'd called him lazy even though he feels he does plenty???

I’d see a physio to check you didn’t hurt yourself with all that reaching if I were you.

He heavily implied she was lazy and, per the OP, she does 90% of the household work despite also working 4 days a week.

Original poster
Whattodowhen · 03/07/2023 01:16

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld You’re right, I shouldn’t assume they were talking about me. Perhaps he was really angry with himself that he’d sat in the pub all afternoon and wasted a perfectly good opportunity for a bit of line drying.

OP posts:
IamnotHWhittier · 03/07/2023 01:53

You are one half of a couple not a slave
Don’t do 90% of the housework, do 50%
Don’t do all the house admin, do 50%
Don’t do all the childcare, do 50%
Spend next Sunday down the pub for 5 hours then go home and fall asleep on the sofa.
And fart

ChellyT · 03/07/2023 02:04

IamnotHWhittier · 03/07/2023 01:53

You are one half of a couple not a slave
Don’t do 90% of the housework, do 50%
Don’t do all the house admin, do 50%
Don’t do all the childcare, do 50%
Spend next Sunday down the pub for 5 hours then go home and fall asleep on the sofa.
And fart

Spot on advice right here!

Do you and the DC and push all of his cooking, cleaning, shopping out of your mind... words are words but this will let him know who exactly is doing what for who in the house

ChellyT · 03/07/2023 02:06

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/07/2023 01:09

Women literally moan to their friends all the time about their husbands

He didn't even actually call her lazy, she's inferred that

How would you all feel if you found out DH had seen a message to one of your friends where you'd called him lazy even though he feels he does plenty???

How would I feel? I'd be where is the fucking lie!

OriginalUsername2 · 03/07/2023 02:07

Weird. Men texting conversations about their wives and laundry after a long afternoon at the pub. Something’s odd.

OnAWobblyFence · 03/07/2023 02:08

If you both pay into the same account, why don’t you each have a card for it? I couldn’t be doing with having to get my husband’s card to pay for something. Ridiculous.

OriginalUsername2 · 03/07/2023 02:08

Is the friend definitely the friend? Or a woman he’s changed the name on?

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 03/07/2023 02:13

YANBU.

But maybe you could find a creative way to do it.

Maybe WhatsApp his friend back on your husband's phone asking him to explain to your husband exactly why you didn't get a chance to hang out the washing.

That way your husband can catch up at his leisure 😁

ItsBarbieBitchhhh · 03/07/2023 02:17

Harrythehappypig · 03/07/2023 01:04

If my DH’s post-pub chat with his mate consisted of him moaning about washing and tumble drying I would consider him utterly tragic.

It’s really quite pathetic isn’t it