The absolute irony

[Whattodowhen]

So I was booking something earlier with my husbands card with his knowledge and permission (we jointly pay into the account it comes from) and it needed a security code by text to his phone. He had fallen asleep on the sofa so I unlocked his phone to get the code. His WhatsApp was open to his mate with a message from last Sunday saying he’d got home and I there was still a load of washing in the machine and hasn’t it been a hot day and a 😡 face basically insinuating I’m lazy for not hanging it out. He’d at that point been in the pub for 5 hours on a Sunday afternoon (as is usual most Sundays) while I was at home with our 2 young children. His comment also said something about him now having to tumble dry the school uniform for Monday (when I knew full well our child’s PE kit was clean and ready for school and if I didn’t do 95% of sorting the kids out he’d know that). His mate commented welcome to my world and I know he has the opinion his wife is lazy. For info I work 4 days in a professional career and contribute a substantial amount to household funds and also do 90% of the house/child/admin things at home. AIBU for wanting to absolutely tell him to get fucked for making out that I’m lazy!!

Wow. The nuclear explosion in our house would be felt on distant continents and my husband would be very very very sorry, as he immediately took on 50% of the load with me pointing out a FAIR REBALANCING would be him taking more than 50% to make up for being a lazy dipshit who did not deserve me or our beautiful children. Until it’s 50% (allowing for your day off perhaps but my guess is you spend lots of that parenting) I would reduce the amount of my salary going into joint funds and say it’s just mine. I’m not 180% of a person, I can do most of the home stuff, I can do nearly half the income, I will not support you on both fronts at the same time while you have the fucking nerve to whine about me. So until you pull your weight at home that is mostly my ‘free time’ spent at work and that makes it my fun money. You know, like your free time you spend at the pub talking shit about your lazy wife who’s only parenting your children.

He’s an entitled twat who obviously thinks anything to do with the home is women’s work. Unfortunately @Whattodowhen , as you do 90% of it, you are enabling him.

Definitely start to divide choes up - giving him the drying of clothes.
It could be that he was commenting not on your laziness at all but on your carbon footprint as a family.
Drying clothes outside on a warm day is very beneficial for the planet.

Yes, it sounds like he’s a misunderstood eco warrior who loves and values his wife but just wants to save the planet.

unfortunately…this

@OnAWobblyFence I do have a card but my purse was upstairs and he had his wallet in his pocket so just said use that.

This thread makes me glad to be single

@Groutyonehereagain yes I think I probably have enabled this over the years as it’s been easier to, but I am trying to pull it around by shifting the spread.

A weekly 5 hour daytime drinking session with 2 young kids at home? bloody hell

Surprised men talk about this stuff!

Perhaps he shouldn't go to the pub every weekend any more. There's a lot to be done at home and it's great that he's house proud but he should be helping.

It is kind of tragic 😅

Think I would have screen shotted And sent it back to him at a different time. But I'm a dick.

So you never moan about your husband to your friends?
I'd be annoyed, but it wouldn't be a justifiable annoyance as I absolutely moan about mine to my friends at times. It saves my sanity and reduces the amount of arguments we'd have otherwise.
Being in the pub every weekend though isn't fair though, that's where I think your anger should be aimed

I agree. Don’t snoop next time if you can’t handle the truth.

Yes everyone moans to their friends sometimes. I might tell a friend if we have had a big argument about something. But I will usually give his side as well (as he is a reasonable person) and its rare.

Texting a mate about having to tumble dry something when it sounds a. Like he has made it up or at the least really exaggerated it and b. Has spent 5 hours down the pub, just seems really disrespectful and petty.

But then someone who is content with their partner doing the vast majority of their share of house and child work, and who fucks off to the pub for the majority of a day on the weekend, sounds like he already thinks everything domestic is your responsibility and has no respect for you as an equal. So all the text shows is it proves what his actions suggest he already thinks about you.

So given you already know he thinks this about you, nothing has changed, so I wouldn't confront him. I'd be reconsidering the relationship. It sounds like you want to work on him increasing his share of the load...but I'm not sure I'd want to continue a relationship where I had to force someone to effectively act like they pretend to respect me, and be in charge of getting them to do stuff like a child.

That's what your husbands message reminds me of actually, a teen messaging a mate that they hate their mum because she only washed and ironed and folded his clothes and he came back from a long day hanging out with his mates and she had the audacity to leave these clothes on his bed for him to put away when he could have been gaming. Ungrateful and completely not in the real world

@DrinkFeckArseBrick 👌 spot on

I would have taken a photo of him asleep and sent it to the mate

Don't get angry - get divorced! Whinging about your housekeeping when he spent his usual 5 hours on a Sunday afternoon a the pub while you were at home looking after your 2 young children is galling. But that's nothing new because you work 4 days in a professional career and contribute a substantial amount to household funds and also do 90% of the house/child/admin things at home. I think he's too far gone to be rehabilitated.

What an asshole - It almost as if he went onto an online forum and complained about you to hundreds/thousands of strangers who picked him apart 😆

Get over it

Stones / Glass houses🙄

Hmmm it's exactly the same isn't it 🙄
Slagging his wife off to his mate who probably knows his wife, making out she's lazy whilst he's spent 5 hrs in the pub and she's at home with the kids after working all week.
Then:
Wife ANONYMOUSLY posts on a forum for women to get it off her chest, ya know, where no-one knows either of them.
Exactly the same 🤬
I take it from your username that you're male?
Why don't you get on over to dadsnet instead of expressing your ridiculous opinion on a forum for women

Are you alright? OP works, does most of the childcare and housework and was looking after their two children whilst he was down the pub all day just like he had been the weekend before. He then bitches to his mate that she’s not put the washing out and yet you somehow manage to make it OPs fault?
Are you trying to get your Handmaids badge or something?

Oh come on 🙄 why you trying to make this something it's not? Don't stir the pot

Thanks for all the replies. I don’t think venting on an anonymous board is the same as incorrectly making out that your wife is a lazy sod to someone you both know. I won’t leave him, he does have other redeeming qualities but it pissed me off to read that. He probably does need to grow up and he has spent most of today off work doing household chores (without me saying anything), so who saw that coming?! Unless he’s on here too 🫣 anyway, some of the posts cheered me up and some people are just bonkers!

I know right?

Id think my dh was a real sad bastard if I thought he had convos like this with his mates.

It’s not just about the “lazy” comments - it’s just massively disrespectful to their partners and…I don’t know, wet for two grown men to be texting one another about such inane crap. It would really give me the Ick.

It’s just a bit of a lame and weird conversation for two men that have spent all day at the pub, (unless slagging off their partners was a theme of the day?!) and makes me a bit 🤔