Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn’t go to event I paid for?

68 replies

Wastedticket · 02/07/2023 22:20

Paid half towards a ticket for a friend birthday present so she could go to an event she’d wanting to go to. Another Friend organised this and I said fab but can’t afford to go myself.

Friend gave her it.

Its not been mentioned or even thanks for. I don’t think they even went even though organising friend said they did.

However no mention of it, zero social media posts (I’d expect to see some tbh).

Been ages now. It’s really irritated me.

Would you ask her outright if she enjoyed it. Seen her loads since!

OP posts:
Kittycat37uk · 04/07/2023 08:02

I think it's really weird when people give gifts and then expect ppl to be like up their bums about it. It's like some ppl only buy gifts for praise and to me that is like the behaviour of a child like "I got you a gift now fawn all over how good I am for getting u that gift" if someone gets me a gift don't get me wrong I am grateful and I will say thank you but as an adult it's a bot strange that some ppl seem to want a whole song and dance about it and that's crazy to me.
I give without any expectations and there has been time when I haven't even had an acknowledgement for a gift however I just let it go over my head. It doesn't stop me getting gifts for loved ones though be it birthdays or Xmas etc giving them the gift is enough for me I don't need a whole rigarmarole. I think you need to look within and work out why this bothers u so much because its not normal.

CherryLipgloss · 04/07/2023 08:09

This is the problem with experience type gifts. DD has been given a voucher for an experience. Very kind but we're so busy (work, three DC, lots of sport etc) that tbh I could do without having to fit it in!

burnoutbabe · 04/07/2023 08:39

There is a difference between you giving a gift to someone who chooses not to thank you explicitly, they know you got it for them.

And not knowing if the receiver knows you even contributed to their gift.

moortownplumber · 04/07/2023 17:47

It’s only money,
be happy

Tulipjulip · 04/07/2023 18:03

I don't mean to sound like Jacques Derrida, but giving someone a gift involves relinquishing control over how it's received, surely? The idea of being obliged to go to an event you've been 'gifted' seems quite horrific, tbh

Bababette · 04/07/2023 18:18

I’d simply ask if she enjoyed her birthday present you got her.

YukoandHiro · 04/07/2023 18:20

Tulipjulip · 04/07/2023 18:03

I don't mean to sound like Jacques Derrida, but giving someone a gift involves relinquishing control over how it's received, surely? The idea of being obliged to go to an event you've been 'gifted' seems quite horrific, tbh

Very true ... and made me chuckle

exaltedwombat · 04/07/2023 18:31

Oh for goodness' sake, stop torturing yourself with supposition! Just ask how it was.

VeraMay · 04/07/2023 18:37

Apologise for not asking but did she enjoy the event. .

Peppermintpatty24 · 04/07/2023 19:01

Yes, but then there wouldn't be any drama in their lives 🤣

FloweryName · 04/07/2023 19:15

What was the gift exactly? Did you and the other friend pay half each for one ticket so she would have still had to buy another unless she wanted to go alone? Or did you give half towards her ticket and that was the whole gift? It’s not clear from your posts.

Maybe she did lie because she was given a really awkward gift that she was under pressure to use even though it was going to be difficult and she didn’t want to get into a conversation about it.

yousaythatbut · 04/07/2023 19:16

Just asking someone if they enjoyed something allows for a simple reply of 'yes' (it's easy to lie!) so really you need to ask something related to the event which a person could only know if they attended. Then what do you do with that knowledge if they're lying to you? Fibbers don't like to be outed. The main lesson seems to be don't give this sort of gift again especially when it involves a third party. It is annoying when gifts go to waste and aren't appreciated.

Manicpixidreamgirl · 04/07/2023 19:23

Are you sure she actually wanted to go? I hate being bought tickets for things. Just because I like x film doesn’t mean I want to see it at the local theatre, you know?

VeneziaJ · 07/07/2023 04:15

istolethetalisker · 03/07/2023 10:56

It's not a waste of your money - you bought as a gesture of friendship. It's a pity she over-committed and couldn't use it, so to that extent she wasted an opportunity, but that's her loss, not yours. As far as you're concerned, it fulfilled its purpose as a gift, as a thoughtful demonstration that you like her and you like her to have the opportunity to do things she enjoys.

You're definitely overthinking this. A bit rude not to thank you properly, but if anything that reflects embarrassment that they couldn't use it. Let it go.

This! 100%

IkeaMeatballGravy · 07/07/2023 04:50

This is the problem with buying tickets as gifts, unless you are absolutely sure the recipient is able to go. Sometimes funding the ticket is the easy bit, was bought a gift that would have involved childcare, hotel, travel and annual leave. I didn't bother going and it was akward as hell when the giver asked if I enjoyed it so I lied that I did (family member on DH's side).

Was it just a ticket for her? Some people don't like to go on big days/nights out alone.

jelly79 · 07/07/2023 07:05

Don't be passive aggressive with the 'oh was it as awesome as it looked?!'

Just say 'did you guys actually make that gig in may?'

Amazon07 · 05/11/2023 01:55

Exactly!! 100% agree with you!!

Chromium24 · 05/11/2023 03:06

any updates op ? @Wastedticket

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread