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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I bother?

30 replies

redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 22:17

DD is nearly 5 and has had play dates with a couple of girls in her class.
We recently went to a birthday party with a group of her classmates at a local softplay centre.
Noticed one of the girls kept wanting to follow around these two girls who are best friends , despite my DD attempts to play with her.
Eventually one of the two best friends turned to this girl and said they didn't want to play with her etc. she ran off crying.
My DD didn't seem that phased by what happened and was playing with all...
But even after that this girl continued to ran for play with these best friends and not see that my DD would make a good friend.

Afterwards her mother was trying to make plans for a play date with us...but I thought no, my DD is not an after thought.
Im thinking of not arranging anything.

DD seems happy at school, talks about the "best friends" "im not your best friend" but doesn't seem upset by any of it.
She will often go and play with some of the boys rather than trawl around like this other girl did to girls who aren't interested.

What are you thoughts?

OP posts:
Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 22:20

Jesus wept, this is a 5 year old little girl you’re talking about

The mum has most likely seen how these girls treat hers and wants to help broaden her horizons and promote a different friendship, and you are shitting on that?

Thoughts are you could do with growing up yourself

OwlBabiesAreCute · 02/07/2023 22:22

I think your DD seems perfectly capable of choosing her own friends. Why don't you ask her?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 22:22

What on earth gives you the impression that your child is an "afterthought?" I sense quite a lot of projecting going on here. The mum was just trying to arrange a playdate, for Pete's sake.

Babyroobs · 02/07/2023 22:22

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 22:20

Jesus wept, this is a 5 year old little girl you’re talking about

The mum has most likely seen how these girls treat hers and wants to help broaden her horizons and promote a different friendship, and you are shitting on that?

Thoughts are you could do with growing up yourself

This.

DentalDisaster · 02/07/2023 22:23

How was the mum inviting your DD treating her like an afterthought?
Really odd way of looking at it tbh.
Trying to make your DD sound superior because she didn’t trawl around like this other girl did to girls who aren't interested is also odd. They are 5. Jesus wept.

Original poster
redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 22:24

@Theomummy2 thank you for your aggressive reply.
For information we have had a play date with this girl previous and she was snappy with my DD and didn't make an effort really with her.
So I'm not going to go all out when she clearly ignores my DD.

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 02/07/2023 22:24

She's 5...

And She's not an afterthought omg. Her mom wanted to arrange a play date. It's not like mom was trying to make her own DD play with other people and then decided on your DD....

Omg chill

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 22:25

redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 22:24

@Theomummy2 thank you for your aggressive reply.
For information we have had a play date with this girl previous and she was snappy with my DD and didn't make an effort really with her.
So I'm not going to go all out when she clearly ignores my DD.

Of course you did

if this was the case you’d have put it in your original post

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 22:26

Wow....not even 5 and you are stressing over THIS!?

You've a long old road to travel yet.....good luck!

veryfluffyfluff · 02/07/2023 22:26

Oh come on. This is a 5 year old. Don't turn it into teenage angsty snipeyness. Be the adult. You don't have to go "all out" she's not royalty she's just a little girl who could do with meeting some more little friends.

EatThoseFrogs · 02/07/2023 22:27

I'm sorry OP but I agree with PP. I think you're reading too much into this. Potentially more of a concern if they were older but at 5, there really isn't likely to be any malice here.

If you don't want to arrange a play date because you don't think the kids get on and don't want to force it, that makes Complete sense.

Hiddenvoice · 02/07/2023 22:30

I’d try not overthink it, if your dd is happy at school and always has someone to play with then that’s great.
Ask your dd to tell you when she would like to invite someone over for a play date and you can try arrange it. She’s 5 so best friends come and go at that age.

Original poster
redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 22:32

@EatThoseFrogs thank you. I don't think they get on. Clearly. Otherwise she would have played with my DD instead of constantly running after the other two and leaving her out.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 22:34

Theomummy2 · 02/07/2023 22:20

Jesus wept, this is a 5 year old little girl you’re talking about

The mum has most likely seen how these girls treat hers and wants to help broaden her horizons and promote a different friendship, and you are shitting on that?

Thoughts are you could do with growing up yourself

I agree.

Lacucuracha · 02/07/2023 22:56

redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 22:32

@EatThoseFrogs thank you. I don't think they get on. Clearly. Otherwise she would have played with my DD instead of constantly running after the other two and leaving her out.

How was she leaving dd out? She wanted to play with 2 girls, that’s not leaving dd out, you yourself said your dd wasn’t bothered and played with others. The girl is learning how to interact with people, please don’t judge her with adult expectations.

Original poster
redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 23:00

@Lacucuracha she wasn't bothered but I probably hoped that the other girl could have played with my DD rather than wanting to play with the other two. The other two have know each other for a year so have clearly got a firm friendship which is nice to see...
As we had been on a play date with this other girl, I thought she may have spent time with my DD. But she didn't seem interested. And even after she was upset by the other two still wanted to follow after then...leaving someone who is being nice to her behind.

OP posts:
wutheringkites · 02/07/2023 23:05

If your daughter was happily playing with other kids, why were you upset the girl wasn't playing with her?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 02/07/2023 23:16

Again
They are 5

UpTheAnte · 03/07/2023 12:13

redskyatnight99 · 02/07/2023 23:00

@Lacucuracha she wasn't bothered but I probably hoped that the other girl could have played with my DD rather than wanting to play with the other two. The other two have know each other for a year so have clearly got a firm friendship which is nice to see...
As we had been on a play date with this other girl, I thought she may have spent time with my DD. But she didn't seem interested. And even after she was upset by the other two still wanted to follow after then...leaving someone who is being nice to her behind.

You understand that 4 and 5 year olds don't have the same emotional maturity as adults, right? I really think you should nip this in the bud now for your daughters sake, the overthinking will only affect her.

Original poster
redskyatnight99 · 03/07/2023 12:27

@UpTheAnte I understand that!!
If your DC was ignored at a birthday party you would be upset too!

OP posts:
Emeraldrings · 03/07/2023 12:32

But she wasn't ignored. She was playing with other children.

Hiddenvoice · 03/07/2023 12:35

Sorry op but I think you need to let this go. You said your dd was happily playing and not bothered, that’s great! Sadly, especially in primary, friends come and go, people who are best friends one year may not be as close the next and that’s okay. She’s happy and content playing and in school so I’d focus on that. Yes it was rubbish the other child wanted to play with other girls but it’s in the past now and your dd didn’t seem to care.
You don’t have to arrange a play date with this child if your dd isn’t interested.
Just focus on your dd and help continue to develop her resilience so she remains unfazed by these sort of things.

ManateeFair · 03/07/2023 12:35

You're being extremely weird about this.

wutheringkites · 03/07/2023 12:36

Op, if you overthink and burn through potential friendships like this, your daughter is going to have a very difficult time.

It sounds like your daughter is happy to make friends and play with a range of kids, that's great, you should support and encourage that.

Many of the play dates I arrange for my son are with the children of parents I'd like to hang out with. I'm not expecting him to make life long friendships at this stage, he has a fun few hours and that's enough for him.

WandaWonder · 03/07/2023 12:36

If this is genuinely true then you may need to rethink how you think of 5 year olds, how will it be when she is 10, 15 etc. If you are like this now