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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend wants to stay at my house when I’m not there

49 replies

Happygoluckyx · 02/07/2023 19:55

I am a private person and live on my own. My friend (known her for a few years through other people) moved several hours away but still comes to town for work a lot, she’s self employed and pays for hotels herself, but earns very good money.
She keeps on dropping hints/asking outright to crash at my (very small) 1 bed flat. I have said no.
Now she wants to stay when I am away for a few days.
I am very private and also tbh a bit messy. I have loads of stuff and the thought of her having a good rummage (she’s that nosy kind of person who opens drawers and cupboards when you’re just standing there chatting and then makes rude comments about it) makes me very anxious.
AIBU not wanting her to stay?

OP posts:
Grumpy101 · 02/07/2023 19:57

She's rude. Her request is incredibly unreasonable! YABU for even giving it headspace lol

Trinity69 · 02/07/2023 19:58

Absolutely NBU at all. She’s BU for even asking.

apert · 02/07/2023 20:00

I would hate this too. It's very rude and entitled to ask. If she earns well enough, she can pay for a hotel when she needs to visit the town (she can probably claim it as an expense too). She just sounds nosy to me.

ZekeZeke · 02/07/2023 20:04

If you are having difficulty saying no simply say your parents/brother et another are staying while you are away.
No need for any drama or to overthink.

sodthesodoff · 02/07/2023 20:06

Cheeky mare. Just say no mum/best friend is staying. And never tell her again when you're out of town

Not sure why you'd even have her in your house to be honest if she openly roots around in drawers.

FoodFann · 02/07/2023 20:07

She’s a CF!

dudsville · 02/07/2023 20:09

Yeah, just say no, you don't need a reason. It's a weird request, you can always just say that if need be.

Sewingdufus · 02/07/2023 20:11

I was thinking probably no and then you mentioned how nosy she is. Definitely not! It’s also quite stressful to leave home straight and tidy as you are leaving it. Tell her no. Don’t explain, No is enough.

PeachesOnTheBeaches · 02/07/2023 20:12

ZekeZeke · 02/07/2023 20:04

If you are having difficulty saying no simply say your parents/brother et another are staying while you are away.
No need for any drama or to overthink.

Don’t do this. It gives her licence to ask again as she doesn’t know you don’t actually want her to stay.

It just kicks the can down the road. A simple “no, that doesn’t work for me” is all that’s needed.

TeeBee · 02/07/2023 20:35

'No sorry, having people in my private space when I'm not there gives me the heebee geebies'.

sonjadog · 18/07/2023 17:07

You can just say no. Some people wouldn't mind and maybe she would be fine with it herself so isn't thinking that you might not be okay with it.

saraclara · 18/07/2023 17:16

No.

I've had house sitters in the past, but they don't know me and I'll never see them again, and that makes a difference. A friend or colleague staying in my house while I'm not there and potentially noseying about? Nope.

HisNibs · 18/07/2023 17:57

So presumably she would need a key to let herself in whilst you're not there? And trust that she secures the property when she leaves? Certainly wouldn't be happening for me.

CurlewKate · 18/07/2023 18:03

I think it's fine she asked. But it's also more than fine you say no. If saying no is difficult then someone else is staying. Also-if you can, say "Hey-get your nose out of my drawer!" next time you see her opening one.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/07/2023 18:09

You do not need to give an excuse or explanation of any kind. "No, that doesn't work for me", is all you need to say.

I think it's very rude that she asked that of you. I would not be impressed.

FetchezLaVache · 18/07/2023 18:11

"Fucking hell Jillian, if how nosey you are when I'm standing right in front of you is anything to go by there's no way in hell you're staying here when I'm not!!"

CurlewKate · 18/07/2023 18:13

@Aquamarine1029 "I think it's very rude that she asked that of you. I would not be impressed."

I don't understand why it's rude to ask....

BusyMum47 · 18/07/2023 18:14

Not at all unreasonable. Just say no. End of.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/07/2023 18:16

FetchezLaVache · 18/07/2023 18:11

"Fucking hell Jillian, if how nosey you are when I'm standing right in front of you is anything to go by there's no way in hell you're staying here when I'm not!!"

This is perfect.

Keykat · 18/07/2023 18:19

I'd just ignore her. If she continues to press you say it doesn't work for you, you never have guests. Keep it simple and uncomplicated. You are not BU at all.

The greatest thing about living alone (as I do) is privacy. No one stays here with me BTW ever! But then again no one would hint or ask either, they are far too polite and very good friends. My family all live within fifteen minutes and my friends are of an age now where they also value their privacy and can well afford a hotel. We do meet up though.

Whataretheodds · 18/07/2023 18:21

"Ah, no. That sounds like an uncomfortable position for both of us, and I'd rather avoid that"

Or as PP say "no that doesn't work for me"

Sonyrec · 18/07/2023 18:24

Don't lie. Don't make up excuses. I'd probably say something like - You're not serious are you? Of course you can't, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all.
Personally I wouldn't bring in how nosey she is. However, I'm not sure how long I'd be staying friends with someone who is prepared to nosey in my cupboards while I stand and watch.

Cherrysoup · 18/07/2023 18:28

Stop telling her your plans.

Jongleterre · 18/07/2023 18:31

"No, I don't want anyone staying in my HOME whilst I'm not there. "

BlackFlyChardonnay · 18/07/2023 18:32

Don't lie and say you've got someone else staying as suggested by a previous poster, you're just prolonging things as you're basically saying "I'm totally fine with you staying in future, please keep asking!"

Just say "sorry, no. I live alone because I value my privacy, I don't want anyone else sharing my space."