My friend wants to stay at my house when I’m not there

[Happygoluckyx]

I am a private person and live on my own. My friend (known her for a few years through other people) moved several hours away but still comes to town for work a lot, she’s self employed and pays for hotels herself, but earns very good money.
She keeps on dropping hints/asking outright to crash at my (very small) 1 bed flat. I have said no.
Now she wants to stay when I am away for a few days.
I am very private and also tbh a bit messy. I have loads of stuff and the thought of her having a good rummage (she’s that nosy kind of person who opens drawers and cupboards when you’re just standing there chatting and then makes rude comments about it) makes me very anxious.
AIBU not wanting her to stay?

Tell her to do one!

My house is quite tidy and I still don’t even like people coming for a cuppa 😂

YADNBU

Just say, No, it's not possible and she will have to get a hotel, don't say why or give any reasons. If she persists, just ignore her.
Stand up to her, don't let her bully you, if anyone tried this on with me, I could quite happily lose them as a friend.

Just say " Sorry that just doesn't suit me. I'll send you the address of a really nice hotel"

Pick an expensive one.

This really isn't difficult.

"Sorry, I don't let anyone staying in my home when I'm not there"

Argh. Stay, not staying

This is poor advice, it reinforces passivity & inability to be direct
Simply say No, I don’t want to. Leave it at that
No convoluted lies or made up scenario necessary

The OP didn't even come back. Why bump it months later?

I would offer my home to a friend in your situation but we’re all different. Equally if I were your friend, I wouldn’t have asked, I’d have waited to be offered. You don’t feel comfortable having her there so it’s perfectly reasonable to say no.

I don't think it's rude to ask, and I would be happy to lend my house out to friends or friends of friends, but you can do as you like.

I've never in my life been told by anyone no, I don't want to
It may be direct but it sounds rude.

Yes it’s direct,it’s meant to be. Rude?no. Succinct yes. Better than obsessing about manners to point one cannot simply and effectively articulate a preference without making up a convoluted lie about parents and or brother

This OP was over two months ago, and @Happygoluckyx never came back to update.

You are well within your rights to say No

Her accomadation woes are not your responsibility.

After reading the thread about a cat sitter totally taking the piss in the ops house, having friends over for a party, not putting bins out and using her stuff, culminating in using ops car for ‘driving lessons ‘ the driving lessons being given by the CF’s boyfriend neither of them insured to drive the car, CF doesn’t even have a licence. I’d say no.
She’s down right nosy when you’re there, she’d have a field day given open access to your home. Don’t beat about the bush, Tell her no.

Install hidden cameras so if you say no but she comes over anyway you'll have proof

Reiterate your position. Which I assume will remain no, she should respect that. Friends do not push and take the piss, if she carries on asking she’s not your friend. Bin her off.

I understand. I have a similar situation that I@m working up to phrasing. I live in a small house and I have a nice double bedroom. My friend and her new boyfriend are visiting and staying with me but I realised, they might expect me to give up my double bed for them. It's a new bed, new mattress, never been ''christened'' and I just had the absolute heebie geebies thinking of some bloke I don't know in my lovely new bed. Cannot have it. I can put them in the box room. I wonder how put out they'd be. Would they be expecting my double room and for me to take the box room. It's a bit stressful. I love my friend. But I cannot bear the thoughts of them in my new bed.

September

Or July rather.

Don't ever tell her you are going away!

YANBU - and do tell the truth. Because your truth is non negotiable.

I need my space to myself and I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone being in my flat when I'm not there. More than enough.

However, if she's looking for flat sitting / house sitting then she'd be well served to sign up on cat and dog and flat and house sitting sites.

It's not rude to speak directly but a lot of people believe it is.

However, there are slightly softer ways of saying it such as 'no that wouldn't work for me' or 'I don't like people in my home when I'm not there'. I don't want to is perfectly acceptable clear direct communication and it's not brutal, unkind, hateful, or rude in anyway, it's assertive.

Can also be comedic a la Phoebe in Friends - 'I'd like to help you out but I don't want to'.