People that don’t take presents to kids parties.

[Fishnchipcrisps]

Went to a friends party today and overheard one of our mutual friends apologising for not bringing a present and saying kids have too much anyway. She has done this at a few other parties. She isn’t short of money, so it isn’t because of that.
She recently had her party where we all brought lovely gifts and she’s always happy to drink the booze.
I like her as a friend but find this part of her quite annoying, Aibu?

Me too. Last year we had 32. 32 fucking presents!

Yep pretty much. I was on the fence about getting a gift but I don’t want to appear cheap. Plus I assumed that the activity was a lot more so that the $20 wouldn’t cover much.

СА for sure. I can get not bringing a gift when you've been specifically asked not to (kids too young of some other reasons; yet I don't feel good showing up empty handed and either make a smartshow 3d video card or consider bringing the edibles), but not doing it and writing it off as "kids have too much anyway" is disgusting.

*ugh, I meant it to be a CF! 😣

@Snugglemonkey 😂 indeed !

My brother hid half of his daughter's party gifts and regifted them. A very good idea. But mine is too savvy for that. He'll know exactly how many he has.

@Cvn you don’t have to buy plastic crap. A couple of books or gift card/ money in a card is an alternative to that. But showing empty handed is not on.

Mine remembers everything 😔

I wouldn't mind parents not bringing gifts to my DC's party although it would be unusual round here. I've had parents saying "sorry, I completely forgot!" or "sorry, we've been so busy!", which I completely understand and have assured them that there is no need for a late gift. Likewise, if money is an issue, I'd much prefer they just came and had fun rather than worried about a gift.

What I'd find odd and a bit rude tbh is "oh we didn't bring a gift", accompanied by a sanctimonious lecture about how much plastic tat my DC in particular, and kids in general, have and how they don't need any more. It may be true but a party is hardly the place for that discussion. I'd also find it cheap and lacking in imagination since there are lots of gifts you can buy or make to give which are not plastic tat.

Oh behave. I’d be delighted if everyone just gave us money for our daughter, I hate a house full of stuff and prefer to choose non-plastic toys for her so really don’t want the kind of thing that’s given at a birthday party. I don’t give gifts either, only ever cash, it’s far more useful in the long term.

My ex SIL would either return the gifts for cash, sell them or re gift them. It's not a nice thing to do. Got to the stage that we would have to write her kids names on the boxes so as she could not re gift or return.

I’d personally prefer that there were no presents at kids parties and no pressure to buy any.
Far too much waste of resources on what is usually tat - same with party bags.

Id prefer nothing but like the idea of a fiver party, heck, a quid party would be awesome. That way the kid gets to buy themselves something they like - like Robux 🤣
Ans no one has the effort or expense to buy and wrap a present. (Let’s face it even wrapping paper and cellotape add up).

Plus there are no wasted earths resources.

@Fishnchipcrisps

personally, I'd MUCH rather you child came without a present than not at all. It's sad for the birthday child when friends don't turn up and very sad for your child to miss out unnecessarily.

if you really feel uncomfortable, ask your child to draw a picture or make a scraps model as a gift, it's a gift of time.

having just had a party with a ton of gifts, the easiest thing in the world would be to regift something.

i used to have a gift cupboard. Doubles/trebles of gifts would go in there & things I picked up while shopping. For a close friend we'd go shopping as the kids usually knew what they wanted to buy (though had to be 'guided' at times! Nope, not a real kitten, but we can get a toy one that purrs or a pocket pal etc). For other classmates they didn't know so well, we'd see what was in the gift cupboard first.

@PeloMom @LuvSmallDogs No, you both are right - it's not that hard to give something to a child you've never met. Money is the obvious option I suppose. I was just surprised that it's as big a deal as it evidently is. I wasn't raised in the West, although have lived here for 20-odd years and am still learning new social rules all the time. Parenting includes a whole new set! I will definitely take something to all kids' parties once we get to that stage! I just really, really don't want the same in return 🫣

Omg imagine being such a cunt to that. At the very least I give card and cash if I can’t sort out a gift

and saying kids have too much anyway.

the cheek 😂 How rude can you be, it's nothing to do with her!

It's not just rude for the host, but it's mean. Birthdays are a big thing for the kids, and of course they enjoy the little gifts they get from their friends. There are so many "sustainable" ideas, even a tenner in a card to go towards a bigger gift, she's just a patronising CF.

Good for your SIL. Why didn’t you give cash rather than forcing things into her house that she didn’t want?

Because she would have kept the cash too. She would tell us what the kids wanted, we would buy it and then she would return it for cash so her children didn't receive their Christmas or Birthday gifts for years.

After they divorced we set up a post office account for both girls that we will give to them on their 18th Birthday.

This woman is seriously up herself.

The chronic lateness and going empty handed to parties is one thing, but backing up your own shortcomings with a judgement of the people throwing the party - "kids have too much nowadays" - is attention-seeking CFery at its worst. She thinks she's too important to be on time and that it's her role to teach other parents proper priorities.

And making her child do her faux apologizing is awful.

I think there are people out there who think they have such a sparkling personality that they are an exception to social rules and never have to buy a present - whilst feeling happy to accept gifts from others. Similar people who never buy their round.

They are of course much mistaken about their charm.

Ohhh, I thought she was just swapping them for cash for the kids to have, which I’d definitely do! But never to keep for myself.

The party child gave an excellent response though - gracious but also “I couldn’t care less”

i know this is an old thread however I needed to rant . My husband is fed up hearing me. My daughter had a party paid £25 per head. 2 pulled out with less than an hour to go, they knew they were sick the day before. I could have gotten my older DC’s friends to fill places. Just sorry we can’t make it , not well yesterday. I even had to cater for one of them individually because of allergies.
I said unfortunately we can’t welcome siblings as we had too many small kids & it was a drop, a dad brought along an elder quite overpowering sister. 2 kids said I haven’t got a present, despite my gifting decent presents to them . These kids come from middle class not short of a bob or two background . Their parents also didn’t thank or acknowledge party on group chat, also had to chase one for food preference . £600 all up so I wouldn’t hurt any kids feelings! I had saved up. My daughter had a great time but the literal rudeness of some people staggers me ! I’m sacking it off next year and having an old school one in a garden. It’s not the kids faults just adults acting like kids ! Rant over …

A friend of mine said don’t bring presents when she invited us all her kid’s party once - then posted a photo of the pile of presents on the same group WhatsApp thanking everybody who had brought one with an OTT message less than an hour after it ended 🙄 I always buy normally but thought, brilliant, she’s actually telling us not to buy bc kid presumably has enough toys/ she is eco concerned etc, but no, it was good old fashioned virtue signalling at play followed by not-quite name and shame afterwards 🤷🏻‍♀️