People that don’t take presents to kids parties.

[Fishnchipcrisps]

Went to a friends party today and overheard one of our mutual friends apologising for not bringing a present and saying kids have too much anyway. She has done this at a few other parties. She isn’t short of money, so it isn’t because of that.
She recently had her party where we all brought lovely gifts and she’s always happy to drink the booze.
I like her as a friend but find this part of her quite annoying, Aibu?

I’ve had times when I’ve been really short of money, but if I had no present, I actually wouldn’t go. I’d just never turn up empty handed, I’d die.

Are you sure there was no money in the card. I’ve always just gave money when going to children’s parties. I don’t have time to be choosing a present and second guessing do they even like this/ already have it etc. I also think money is appreciated more by the parents of child because child can spend it on what they want.

@Lacoeur No definitely not, also her dc said to the birthday dc sorry they didn’t bring a present.
It’s true, even money in a card would be better! I personally wouldn’t do this for a little one, but if you really had no other choice/no time it’s better than nothing

She's not wrong.... kids have way too much "stuff".... but ALWAYS pop some money in the card. Or an Amazon gift voucher.

I have never been to a one of my child's friends' parties without a gift - I'd honestly be mortified to do this.

If she thinks the child has too many toys (probably true) then she should gift money, a gift card or voucher to soft play/a day out etc. This would be be appreciated by the host and she wouldn't feel like she's gifting pointless tat.

Oh I find this thread really interesting... my DC are too little for us to have started the 'kids party circuit' yet but I think (prior to reading this thread!) I might have done similar to this mum 😳
I hate having loads of plastic tat around the house (or worse, hundreds of noisy baby toys or endless stuffed animals) and I definitely wouldn't want each party guest to bring a £5 toy so unless I knew the child really well and could get them something meaningful I'd probably think (mistakenly, clearly!) that I was doing the parents a favour by not adding to the pile of crap in their house. The few kids parties I've been to we've taken a book where the protagonist reminds me in some way of the party child and written in the card about their shared (positive) qualities. But for some random classmate I've never met I wouldn't know what to get!

I've encountered a few of these types of people over the years.

No shame! How embarrassing.

a friend of mine text me to invite DS over to her DD 3 year olds informal tea party (3 families) and it was 30 mins before. I went without gift but dropped a present round the next morning!!

Tbh the parents often bring really lovely presents and likely spend much more than £5, but anything is ok, just something

I wonder how she'd feel if everyone showed up at her child's birthday empty handed? Like literally no presents at all?

Maybe she genuinely can not afford to be buying gifts

Tight fisted and cheeky if she happily accepts presents and guzzles away wine etc at parties.

You can pick up a book for £1 in home bargains/quality save etc and even Poundland are doing Jacqueline Wilson books for older kids. It doesn't need to be some huge space stealing massive expensive toy. £3 would cover a card, a book and some chocolate in a gift bag from these kids of shops.

This sort of person drives me mad. Just one of those performative busy people that would arrive late or hadn't replied to the invite. Like you say money isn't an issue and I found it was often people who had more money, it's just they are too important to be bothered to pop and grab a little lego set or book or pack of nice pens from the supermarket.
They also seem to be able to brazen it out amd not feel bad.

Yes, kids do get too much tat at parties, so she’s not wrong there. However, the easy solution is to put money in a card. Child can then either use it towards something more expensive that they are saving up for, or put it in their savings bank. Can you imagine it, if everyone was like her? There would be some devastated kids at parties, when they got NO presents!

Friend is just a tight CF. I would say reciprocate at her kid’s parties, but that isn’t fair on the child. I would just buy something really cheap (Home Bargains or Poundland), for her child’s next party, but make it something very noisy, which child will love and she….won’t!

As a parent I would not be bothered if a parent came up and apologising for not bringing a present

But I would be irritated by them saying saying kids have too much anyway.

That's her choice for her kids, not he decision for others. It's like saying you've bought a charity gift-easier for the giver, and the recipient has no say.

I hope she puts "no presents" on her dc's parties.
If she does then I'll semi-forgive her.

I don't always have the time to run around getting a gift but I just gift a £10/£20 Amazon voucher. If they get a few vouchers they can get one nicer gift and I never know what they already have. To give nothing is mean imo.

She definitely has enough money, happy to spend it on drinking and going out
She’s also a person whose always late too, do all these things go hand in hand? Just basic lack of manners

Tbh I wish we could stop kids party gifts. My son has so many toys. He doesn't need more. He had 22 friends coming to his birthday. Where will we put 22 gifts??

There was a thing a while ago where oeople could chip in for something big. People hated it but it was very sensible. You could get something useful not 22 more toys.

People who aren't in great shape financially still give kids presents IME.

I've smiled and thanked DC's friend for her present of one of her old teddies - DC loved it, it was a teddy from his bff after all. I've spent about £3.00 on a drawing pad, felts and stickers for a kid's prezzie because I couldn't justify spending on a "proper" present at that time and I thought it was at least likely to be used.

Yes, I would judge someone well off who didn't bring a child a birthday present and then acted like it was somehow virtuous.

I went to a friends bday the other day, it was going out to do an activity as a group. When it was booked she messaged everyone who was invited and asked to chip in $20 to help cover the cost as it was ‘expensive’. I was there when she paid once we arrived and there was 8 people there and the activity cost only $80 total. I thought it must have been heaps more expensive. She also asked if everyone could bring some snacks to contribute. Then she didn’t get a cake. I still got a gift, but if I knew she was basically profiting off the contributions to the activity I wouldn’t have.

Just make sure that you don't take a present to her DC's party. A card will obviously do nicely.

@ilovebagpuss described it best - performative busy people. They are too busy to make an effort or contribute but always have energy to take.

These people also like the thrill of getting one over others. It’s a ‘win’ to get away with it. And they’re so upfront about it, like they’re relying on other people being too embarrassed to call them up on their behaviour. Shameless! And they always have money!

i have a friend who does this at weddings 😱 has a right reputation for it now. Doesn’t even take a card! Full of excuses on the day but it’s happened too many times to be a coincidence.

So you basically paid for the party and got a gift? Shocking!

It's not that hard, you can get the classmate a book where the protagonist doesn't remind you of them, because you don't know them! Stuff like bath bombs/crackle baff are quite popular and get used up rather than hanging round forever.