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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Six year old saying really inappropriate swear words

37 replies

Incognito8 · 02/07/2023 18:29

Ds is 6, with two older siblings (DS age 9, DD age 12), so is around older children a lot and always has been. When I overhear DS (6) with his brother playing outside, he occasionally says some quite wild swear words (the C word - but the lesser C word - for example!) to impress him.

When I hear it, I call it out. And, later, ask his brother if he knows where he’s heard these swear words from, and it’s always been a group of other kids in the neighbourhood who are also a bit older. He did hear “suck my p…” from a FIVE year old though.

I am sure his brother isn’t teaching him these words for a bunch of reasons - one it’s just not his character; two he isn’t impressed by these words and I often hear him say “X, you shouldn’t say that” when they don’t know I can overhear.

What the heck do I do? How do I talk to both DSes about this?

AIBU that this is too much for a six year old and he should keep his innocence a bit longer?! Or is this just normal and I shouldn’t worry about it?!

OP posts:
TwoFourSixEightNeverTooLate · 02/07/2023 18:36

Tbh I wouldn’t let a 6 year old play out unsupervised, it sounds like it’s common in your area though if a 5 year old is also out.
Not a lot you can do except constantly repeat that he’s not to use those words.

cocksstrideintheevening · 02/07/2023 18:38

What's a lesser c word?

Yarnorama · 02/07/2023 18:40

I'm guessing it's not cunt, so maybe crap or cock?

Kids swear, the more fuss you make the more it becomes a battle, just teach them not to swear at people and not at school or in front of other adults.

Luxell934 · 02/07/2023 18:41

cocksstrideintheevening · 02/07/2023 18:38

What's a lesser c word?

Maybe...cock 😂

Papernotplastic · 02/07/2023 18:42

I had to think about what ‘the lesser c word’ could be too! I only ever use the best one.

HollyBookBlue · 02/07/2023 18:43

We're all so conflicted about swearing. They're just words. So kid saying crap or cock (lesser c word?) in place of "owch I hurt myself" or "I did something wrong" is not offensive IMO. Obviously he'll get in trouble saying it at school, but most kids are clever enough to know that and not get caught!

Kids saying "suck my penis" is not actually swearing, but IMO is worse because it's derogatory and based in the patriarchy, asserting his power over another. I'd also be concerned about whoever he's hearing it from because that kid is being exposed to sexuality prematurely, and doing the same to their peers.

I remember the first time I heard my DD swear. She was 7 and read "shit" on a birthday card. It was all down hill from there 🤣. We have an understanding that swearing is fine in general. But not when it's directed at people. "oh shit" is fine. "you shit" is not OK. She's not allowed to be hurtful or degrading with her words. Any words, swearing or not. That would cover the "suck my penis" taunt.

dartsofcupid · 02/07/2023 18:43

cocksstrideintheevening · 02/07/2023 18:38

What's a lesser c word?

Cock not cunt am guessing? Laughing cos we’ve had this confusion, ‘so and so said the C word’ tale told about a small child, forgot about the lesser one and nearly fell off my chair🤣 We usually tried to ignore mild profanity and if it was really out of order we’d tell them that sort of talk we’d have a talk about how foul language would make people think less of them/ get them into trouble at school. Think it’s pretty common though, I used to live beside a primary and there was a LOT of fuckin this and fuckin that.

TappingTed · 02/07/2023 18:45

Christ? Cock? Cum?
the mind boggles…

If kids “play out” then there are not usually adults there to reprimand or shape behaviour. It’s a bit “Lord of the Flies” really… so if you let a small child out without guidance you can’t reply be shocked they use foul language and have inappropriate boundaries.

WellWellWellWhatHaveWeHeree · 02/07/2023 18:47

You can swear on mumsnet

BogTrollAtLarge · 02/07/2023 18:54

I taught my child that we don’t use swear words as aggression towards people, and not to swear around certain older relatives because they wouldn’t like it. Other than that I ignore it and he doesn’t swear very often at all… he might say ‘shit!’ if he knocks a drink over for example.

Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 18:55

I suspect its crap.

If its crap then I'd still call it out. My DS11 says it and depending on his tone Iand context I'll call it out.

Cock or c*nt, totally unacceptable at any age.

Original poster
Incognito8 · 02/07/2023 18:55

Haha I should have just said! It’s cock!

Playing out is normal in our area, the six year old isn’t allowed out of sight from our house yet though. So I don’t stand outside and watch him, but the rule is I should be able to see him when I look out of the window (he never disobeys this). All the kids play together if that makes sense, he’s not out there alone.

It’s also very common here for kids to be in and out of each other’s houses. All that is lovely and I’m loathe to stop him completely (as it was the same when I was a child and I have such lovely memories of that sort of play and freedom - and it’s why we moved here tbh!), but really don’t want his innocence lost!! But DH and I are thinking we should stop him playing in the older kids houses??!

OP posts:
HollyBookBlue · 02/07/2023 19:01

but really don’t want his innocence lost!!
What does this actually mean? How is knowing the word cock going to change him fundamentaly?

But DH and I are thinking we should stop him playing in the older kids houses
That would be a pity and an over reaction to learning new swear words. Does he go to school? Because he'll hear exactly the same in the playground. What about walking through town? You can't stop him overhearing Sweary conversations other adults are having

Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 19:02

I'd clamp down on it. A 6 year old saying cock is 🤔and its scratty in my opinion.

Yarnorama · 02/07/2023 19:06

It's a massive overreaction to restrict his freedoms based on him learning some words that are widely used. He will know all the swear words and a lot more before he even leaves primary school, it's not a big deal.

Original poster
Incognito8 · 02/07/2023 19:11

HollyBookBlue · 02/07/2023 19:01

but really don’t want his innocence lost!!
What does this actually mean? How is knowing the word cock going to change him fundamentaly?

But DH and I are thinking we should stop him playing in the older kids houses
That would be a pity and an over reaction to learning new swear words. Does he go to school? Because he'll hear exactly the same in the playground. What about walking through town? You can't stop him overhearing Sweary conversations other adults are having

Mostly it’s the “suck my penis”. I know he doesn’t know what that means per se, but he knows what a penis is, and what sucking is, and that’s got to be weird and confusing and a bit innocence-losty?

I’m very willing to hear I’m overthinking it all though!

I don’t mind shit etc. I have a hilarious video of his sister saying this as a toddler, that we all laugh over. But I think it’s the word “cock” etc that just feels a bit more extreme somehow?

OP posts:
Original poster
Incognito8 · 02/07/2023 19:12

To be honest, hearing I’m overreacting makes me feel better, weirdly!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Incognito8 · 02/07/2023 19:13

Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 19:02

I'd clamp down on it. A 6 year old saying cock is 🤔and its scratty in my opinion.

It sounded horrible coming from him 😣

OP posts:
Riapia · 02/07/2023 19:14

Pleased I’ve learned what the lesser c word is.
I knew the major c word, I divorced him 6 years ago.
😉😁😁😁.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 02/07/2023 19:15

Kids hear swear words everywhere. Even if not from peers there'll be someone pissed outside wetherspoons on a Sunday lunch time. Or someone in the supermarket having a row with their spouse. Or teenagers yelling at each other on the high street. And I live in a non-rough area! My 6 Yr old knows that swear words are 'grown up' words. And that she's not to say them, because they're not nice.

They started out as 'naughty words' but she started telling off random people for saying them so we had to re-brand!

HaveAHeavenlyDay · 02/07/2023 19:16

Suck my penis?! Wtf!

No, you're not over reacting Confused that's absolutely horrible for a 6 year to be saying.

HollyBookBlue · 02/07/2023 19:19

Incognito8 · 02/07/2023 19:11

Mostly it’s the “suck my penis”. I know he doesn’t know what that means per se, but he knows what a penis is, and what sucking is, and that’s got to be weird and confusing and a bit innocence-losty?

I’m very willing to hear I’m overthinking it all though!

I don’t mind shit etc. I have a hilarious video of his sister saying this as a toddler, that we all laugh over. But I think it’s the word “cock” etc that just feels a bit more extreme somehow?

Show quote history

Yeah the sexuality in the "suck my penis" is inappropriate, unpleasant and as I said up the thread, it's concerning where the other kid has got it from.

I'd go with the message that it's rude to talk about penises like that. That they're private and we don't talk about them with friends!

Cock isn't extreme, just another word for a trouser snake!

HollyBookBlue · 02/07/2023 19:24

. I know he doesn’t know what that means per se, but he knows what a penis is, and what sucking is, and that’s got to be weird and confusing and a bit innocence-losty?

In the absence of horrific abuse, no 6 year old is going to be puzzling over the actual meaning of that phrase. It's just something to say to get a reaction. I wouldn't worry about the innocence-lostiness

notanotherclairebear · 02/07/2023 19:25

I'd be shocked if I heard my 6yo DS swearing! Admittedly he doesn't have any older siblings but the idea of hearing him say anything like that does feel innocence losty to me OP. I wouldn't punish it as he doesn't know if considered rude by adults, but would definitely be having a good chat with him about kind words. But mine gets pulled up for saying 'bum head' so maybe I'm just naive 😅

StayAnonn · 02/07/2023 19:27

To be honest, hearing I’m overreacting makes me feel better, weirdly!!

Not wanting your 6 year old to say cock or 'suck my penis' is hardly an overreaction 🙄

It's disgusting language from a 6 year old. I'd be absolutely horrified if dc3 (6) said either.

I have a 6, 13 and 15 year old. I don't accept casual everyday swearing from my 15 year old much less my 6 year old!