Blocked a guy after he stood me up but asked to rearrange

[GardenGurl]

AIBU? Been messaging a guy on Bumble for 6 days. We live 4 hours apart but he said he wasn't put off by that. He said he'd been planning to come to my neck of the woods in the next few weeks anyway so we arranged to meet this weekend (yesterday) - he'd drive to his holiday destination and I'd drive 1.5 hours up to spend the day with him.

The night before our date, he left me a voice note at 11:50pm to say he's sorry but he went climbing (presumably after work), then when he got home he didn't fancy the long drive so went to the pub. He said he'd like to take a day off work to do the drive the following weekend instead as he'd still like to meet me.

I read the message at 6am the next day and was quite shocked and gutted (he seemed really sincere in all our voice notes to date).

I gave him till 3pm that day to register that'd I listened to his message and not replied. To be honest, I was really hoping he'd call me. He didn't, so at 3pm I blocked him and unmatched, on the grounds that I don't have the time or emotional energy to be treated with such a lack of consideration for my feelings or my time.

Was this unreasonable? Should I have been more chilled considering we are strangers who owe each other nothing? (I figure I owe everyone I interact with decency and respect, though, and would like to be treated the same??)

What he SAID in his prior messages made him sound 'serious' & very keen to meet me (kept saying he was looking forward to it) but what he DID made him seem careless and unreliable so I blocked him. But was that OTT given we've never met before/are relative strangers?

Thanks all!

Nope block, I've been stood up and gave them another chance, they took other chac e to stand me up again.

Two things:

You were planning to spend the whole day with a stranger! People usually recommend a coffee or drink on the first date.

Also, if you liked each other, you now like someone who lives four hours away! What's the point? That's just asking for stress in a relationship surely?

Nope you did the right thing. If a guy is really into you, he will make the effort no matter what.

No, makes sense to bock him. I wouldn't give it a second thought. His loss.

Daft to meet someone from four hours away unless you're into uprooting your life anyway!

The block was deserved.

Seems like a lot of angst after only talking for six days

Thanks everyone so far! P.S. I live somewhere remote, and only came here for an adventure, and have been considering moving back to where I'm from to increase my chances of meeting a partner. He lived up where I'm from and was also not fussed about where he lives so the geography bit was cool with both of us. (Fair points, but the distance was not so much an issue in this context.)

You did the right thin.

Totally! I don't know if I took it all too seriously? Which is kinda why I'm not sure if I should have just left it open rather than blocking him.

I agree with the blocking. It's not like he had some kind of emergency.

I'd have blocked. The fact that he didn't even have the decency to LIE to you ...

Definitely did the right thing.

He prioritised going to the pub over meeting you.

His wife didn't buy his excuse for disappearing on the first day of their family holiday, is my guess. Bullet dodged.

Why did you not reply to the phone message? I think he was unreasonable but I think you should have replied to say thanks but no thanks.

You’re perfectly entitled to move on from anyone including here and I would probably have done the same.

But unless I have misunderstood he didn’t actually stand you up did he? He cancelled late the night before. Now don’t get me wrong that is crap but not quite the same as standing up in my book.

If it was someone I actually knew casually, I'd probably have taken the message at face value and rearranged, but no, this one is always going to be difficult.

I don't think you had to block him, just tell him you thinks it's best not. I don't think that's the "treating people with respect" that you assert you do and I don't think he did anything that terrible to deserve no reply.

Being realistic, 4 hours distance is never going to work

Yeah he probably just wants sex

Anyone that flakes doesn't deserve a chance, especially when the reason is to go to the pub.

Originally 4.5 hours between us here, now almost 10 years and 2 kids on. 😂 So don't believe people saying that distance means it will never work. We have since moved, but originally I did move to where DP lived relatively early on as it was a lot of travelling.

I think you did the right thing blocking him though, based on his behaviour/actions.

You’re not being unreasonable, if you’re looking fir something serious he’s going to waste your time, he already wasted it. If you accept that at this early stage you’ll end up on a slippery slope justifying every crappy bit of behaviour he hits you with and he will. He should have phoned when you didn’t reply and he would have if he was planning on not messing you around. I get why you’re second guessing yourself, it’s not easy connecting with someone you actually like and see potential with but he sounds like a time waster, I’d be second guessing myself and and probably give him another chance and end up having less and less boundaries as time went on. My friend always said when you like someone it shouldn’t be complicated. She’s right. He should have been exited to see you and just went for it but he didn’t, that’s nothing to do with you, that’s what he’s like. So often we think it’s us. It’s not

Oo, I honestly love it when someone points out something like that. That is a fair point. Blocking was not my idea either, but never mind, I still did it, didn't I.

Thanks everyone for your inputs.

I voted YANU because you were "gutted" after messaging someone for 6 days! I think it is fair for him to rethink the plans as perhaps he had been too optimistic.

Unmatch is fine though as I think he wouldn't have worked out anyway.

He didn’t really stand you up though did he? He cancelled plans unless I missed something.

It’s probably for the best if you just walk away now, but I’d revisit your expectations for future.