Blocked a guy after he stood me up but asked to rearrange

[GardenGurl]

AIBU? Been messaging a guy on Bumble for 6 days. We live 4 hours apart but he said he wasn't put off by that. He said he'd been planning to come to my neck of the woods in the next few weeks anyway so we arranged to meet this weekend (yesterday) - he'd drive to his holiday destination and I'd drive 1.5 hours up to spend the day with him.

The night before our date, he left me a voice note at 11:50pm to say he's sorry but he went climbing (presumably after work), then when he got home he didn't fancy the long drive so went to the pub. He said he'd like to take a day off work to do the drive the following weekend instead as he'd still like to meet me.

I read the message at 6am the next day and was quite shocked and gutted (he seemed really sincere in all our voice notes to date).

I gave him till 3pm that day to register that'd I listened to his message and not replied. To be honest, I was really hoping he'd call me. He didn't, so at 3pm I blocked him and unmatched, on the grounds that I don't have the time or emotional energy to be treated with such a lack of consideration for my feelings or my time.

Was this unreasonable? Should I have been more chilled considering we are strangers who owe each other nothing? (I figure I owe everyone I interact with decency and respect, though, and would like to be treated the same??)

What he SAID in his prior messages made him sound 'serious' & very keen to meet me (kept saying he was looking forward to it) but what he DID made him seem careless and unreliable so I blocked him. But was that OTT given we've never met before/are relative strangers?

Thanks all!

I disagree, if you really feel like you’ve clicked, it can be quite hard to walk away from the potential of that. Really clicking with someone or feeling like you have doesn’t happen that often for most.

He deserved it for being a lazy fucker. You don’t owe him anything. Best to cut the cord now.

I don't know if you have been climbing before, but you really can not do anything afterwards if you don't do it regularly. I'm sure he's realised not to make that mistake again, but better to be safe than sorry. Why did you need to give him to 3PM if he already messaged you..... this just seems like self-sabotage. Should be a lesson learned on both sides, was definitely the wrong call to block straight away with no communication.

You've done him a favour tbf.

Nothing worse than someone who plays games and sets tests unbeknownst to the other person

Plays games like expecting him to turn up when he says he will? What an awful person OP is.

Not doing a long drive when you are really tired is actually smart and the safe decision to make. He cancelled the day before the first meet up and offered another weekend. Op could have just said thanks but no thanks. Wanting him to figure out she had read his message and not replied is game playing.

You were right OP! There’s something off about his timeline. Who goes climbing after work with a big drive in front of them?

Well done you for having boundaries and sticking to them. You don’t owe him anything.

The fact you can't even be honest with him (I'm disappointed you cancelled) at the start of a relationship doesnt bode well. Neither does his lack of communication, so probably just as well it never got going.

Fwiw 4 hours is a hell of a long drive so I'd see the reschedule as reasonable if only the two of you were able to talk about it.

Hmm. It’s pretty rubbish but he did ask to rearrange. Disappointing for sure.

I really hate ghosting though - it’s so rude. I would have sent him a message telling him you were disappointed, and that you would prefer not to rearrange. People appreciate honesty. I find it a little odd that you waited all day for him to send you a follow up message. He would have been waiting for a response from you. Next time just message the guy back and tell them your thoughts.

Worst case scenario, he might be attached already. But if he’s been messaging you constantly that seems unlikely.

6 days of chatting and you were going to drive 1.5 hours each way to spend a day together?! Yes you did take it too seriously. A coffee is a good first date in general, not such a massive commitment as you were planning.

This. It is boundary testing. He made plans and decided to cancel them. He had no regard for how you will have had to then alter your plans to suit. He had no regard for bot allowing you to make alternative plans as the message was sent so very late.

if this is how he behaves before youve even met, why bother carrying on?

100% the right thing. If a man can't even be bothered to meet up for a first date, his enthusiasm and priorities are elsewhere.

He didn’t stand you up, that’s when you fail to meet someone for a date without informing them beforehand.

He did let you know, so I would have responded to say you’d prefer not to meet.

He didn't stand you up

He was rude to cancel

You should have replied to say No thanks to meeting another time

Blocking him was rude

Honestly four hours away is a lot and he probably realised that He does not want to go all in for someone that far away.
You have gone off the deep end from this, he is a stranger and you have been talking for six days and blocking him is a bit much-save that for people who are causing you actual problems as he won’t be messaging you again so why bother.

You are both being a bit unreasonable here.

he didn’t stand you up he cancelled the date.

a full day together with a long drive is way too much after just 6 days of chatting on an app

you were childish just to block him without saying ‘thanks but no thanks’

he is flakey.

You aren’t suited so just move on…