Cheeky SIL

[MotherofboysUk]

AIBU ? So my DH’s young brother and wife are in town for a week and they are staying with us and I’m slowly loosing it . I’m 34 SIL is 25 and she has zero respect for me . She wakes up at 1100 and does not clean up after herself and expects me to make her breakfast and do her dishes . Also they have been fighting constantly since arrival with her hubby over petty issues . I have a 13 month old and last night they had the tv on full blast . Its so annoying and i really want them to leave . How do i live for the next coming 6 days with peace within my home any advice ?!

Why are you moaning here instead of just using your voice. She's young. She's probably still in that clueless thinks it's all about her phase

Perhaps Op's husband is asked about because he invited them/agreed to them staying?

Op-surely your SIL can expect all she likes (although I don't understand why she would)-you tell her to get her own breakfast?

Surely a guest should make as little work as possible?

Use your words. Seriously, just talk to them.

your ire appears to be directed at SIL - is BIL the perfect guest? they're both arguing, presumably both watching the TV...

if there are six days to go, I assume they've just arrived - I agree with PPs that if you don't tell them to help themselves to breakfast, they probably won't presume to do that.

I really don't get posts like this.

They literally read as 'I'm being treated like shit by a visitor in my own home. Here is a long list off all of the evidence that proves it. Whatever should I DO?!'

Part of adulting is standing up for yourself and your family, OP.

Just sit down with your brother & his wife, tell them that there need to be firm house rules, what they are and if that if they don't like them/can't abide to them then they need to find somewhere else to stay.

Really rather simple and 100% reasonable.

It's either that or be a doormat, at this point.

People will treat you as poorly as you allow.

Everything said here amounts to this.

What forcwhen they get up at 11 am? I should coco pops

DH’s young brother and a wife

Come on OP. However young they are they are married adults capable of making their own food and cleaning up after themselves. You’re not running a hotel and you’re not the housekeeping service.

Ask them straight- there’s food, fix yourself something,there’s dishwasher when you finish put your dishes there please and wipe the worktop.

If they are inconsiderate arses they need to find elsewhere to stay and if your DH is not on the same page with you he can take care of the visitors and toddler when it wakes up “you wake it,you take it”

So BIL and SIL are arguing, and BIL and SIL are watching TV; but somehow only she is the evil one?
Just wondering who makes BILs breakfast and cleans up after him?

@MotherofboysUk

'When you arrived the other day, we were so excited about your visit that we forgot to show you a list of our house rules for guests...here's a copy for you to make things easier....our lives aren't as simple as they used to be now that we're a couple with a baby'
Breakfast: 7:30-8:30
If you feel like sleeping in, then there's a cute little cafe down the road.
TV watching: volume needs to be kept very low at night as our walls are thin and baby and DP and I are light sleepers.
Etc.,
Etc,
Etc,
You get the idea, OP. It's hard to host guests when their expectations of being a guest are so different to your own. But since you haven't let them know, it's not totally her fault that she seems to be taking advantage of your hospitality with her own lower standards. They need to learn to respect their hosts' home. Her DP is just as much at fault.
Good luck! Hopefully things will go smoothly from here on out. You are setting up you requirements to host them for years to come...
And I see nothing wrong with your guests pitching in with chores or projects that ya'll how around the house...that's what families do... you aren't a hotel. You are a working family who is being inconvenienced by their visit. Ask for them to set the table, clear dishes, etc.
You may just solve the future visiting requests by letting them decide if they want to follow the requirements of the staying with MotherofboysUK household.

Why even let them stay then OP! Next time they text asking to stay, just say theres a lovely premier inn just down the road 😂

@MotherofboysUk

I forgot about the constant arguing! That needs to be dealt with straight away. It is very unsettling for your baby ( and you and DH, too) to be exposed to this contant negatively ...I speak from experience! .My DH's younger brother and first wife used to argue in front of us at our home constantly...the tension and negative vibe was dreadful as we definitely didn't speak that way to each other and if we had an argument it wasn't in front of our DCs.
Kids can pick up on that bad energy, as I'm sure you are aware.

Find your backbone.
Walk in and say, TV needs turning down now, it's too loud.
Don't even offer food at breakfast or mention it. If she does, tell her she knows where the kitchen is, and can you put the stuff in the dishwasher.
Stop begging with please this and please that. You aren't asking her to give you something. She needs to pull her finger out.

Jesus. This is her family? Is that how you'd speak to family?

Maybe she didn't want to just go and help herself to breakfast in someone else's house, unless she said to OP "Get me toast and jam now!". Then I don't see how not making her own breakfast is particularly rude. OP probably said oh do you want toast and SIL said yes please. and she made it and that was that.

If OP didn't want to make breakfast just leave some cereal out and say " help yourself".

The arguing and TV is annoying but its joint between BIL and SIL, not sure why SIL is being singled out unless she's been doing other rude stuff which OP hasn't mentioned. It seems like she just doesn't like her.

How you know she's expecting breakfast? Has she's actually asked for it or are you offering it pleasantly while quietly cursing her for accepting the offer?

You can be assertive in a fairly jokey way.

Asking for breakfast
”Hey, I’m not your slave. Breakfast stuff is over there. Help yourself and make sure you clean up afterwards” All said with a big smile and a jokey tone.

If it’s not cleared up promptly,
Again with a smile but perhaps with slightly more of a serious tone
”Hey we don’t live like students anymore in this house. Get yourselves back in that kitchen and clean up”

You only need to get more serious when they obviously ignore you, and then it’s ok to say
”Guys it’s really not working out. I’ve got a young baby and I’m not running round after you two as well. You either need to pull your weight or find a hotel.”

But set boundaries. Don’t be a resentful muppet.

Thank you everyone for all the messages but it all came down this afternoon when she continued with the disrespect and I had a mouthful with them and kicked them out . DH said BIL has booked in a premiere inn and i have literally blocked both SIL and BIL in all my socials . They went still fighting because BIL started drinking around 1000 am and it was just a mess

As you go to bed tonight just say, “Help yourselves to breakfast tomorrow and make sure you clean up after yourselves. Keep the TV on low - otherwise it’s too loud for baby to get to sleep. Have a good evening. Niiight.”

Ahh right BIL was drinking but the SIL is the cheeky one😂

Problem solved! Have a nice evening 🍷

Why is all this the fault of your SIL? Is your BIL disabled?

Is your bil an alcoholic?

This has sweet FA to do with them being young too. DD brought four friends to stay all between 18 - 21 years old. They cooked dinner for all of us in the evenings and cleaned up the kitchen afterwards. They sat on the patio but came in themselves at 8.30 pm so I didn't have to worry about neighbours being aggravated by five people chatting and laughing in the middle of the night. And they brought gifts of fudge and home made elderflower cordial.

Well, yes, he has a penis. You can't expect him to take any responsibility.

Tell her to make her own food and clean up after herself, tell them to turn the tv down. So easy.