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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a secret day off

42 replies

dexismydumpstat · 02/07/2023 08:26

I'm planning on grabbing an annual leave day and keeping it to myself.

Two children under 4, both in busy jobs, childcare and life admin is a good 50/50 split. I am just so tired!

Have accrued a little extra leave at work through working through lunchtimes, local arrangement so it's not on my balance officially.

We work hybrid, would it be bad to take a day when I am the only one WFH?

I know if I announce it I will get hit with lots of little jobs, nothing super difficult but they all add up to whittle the day down to nothing.

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 02/07/2023 08:28

I know if I announce it I will get hit with lots of little jobs, nothing super difficult but they all add up to whittle the day down to nothing.

This happened to me at Easter. I last had an actual day to myself (well, 8 hours) in January. Do it.

eetee · 02/07/2023 08:28

Secret from who? Who will be giving you jobs that you can't just say 'no, I'm having a day to myself' to?

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 02/07/2023 08:28

Of course you do it.

I’m having a secret afternoon off on Friday.

Notveryanything · 02/07/2023 08:29

Yes do it!

Blimeor · 02/07/2023 08:30

Do it!

Caroparo52 · 02/07/2023 08:30

Do it

LemongrassLollipop · 02/07/2023 08:30

Yes absolutely!

Brandspankingnewandshiny · 02/07/2023 08:30

Do it!!

Yousee · 02/07/2023 08:31

I'm in a very similar position and I fully intend to be scheduling in a few "me" days in the next few months.
Difference is I'll be telling my DH my plans and that I'll be going for a massage or get my hair done or whatever and he'll say "brilliant, you deserve it, have a great day" not "oh you can do XYZ that day then". That's just crap.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 02/07/2023 08:32

My OH does this a lot . If he told me he knows he'd be bombarded with lists of jobs . I know he works a stressful job so I don't ..mind .sort of .. but on his proper day off he will do jobs I ask

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 02/07/2023 08:33

Do it! I love a secret day off Grin

Doggymummar · 02/07/2023 08:35

I'm sad you need to do this. Of course if you have to you must but it's your leave to do as you see fit. My oh had just had a week off and I didn't give him jobs to do and he wouldn't do that to me either.

fudgepie12 · 02/07/2023 08:59

I think it is utterly shit it has to be a secret and you can't just say what you need and why without it being undermined, but no it's not unreasonable, I did it a few days back in those tough years.

Frogpond · 02/07/2023 09:03

Absolutely! You have to keep it a secret or the day will be filled with jobs, and the expectation that some cleaning and dinner will be sorted. The trick is to go out and come home in work clothes.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2023 09:04

Secret from who?

ChocolateHelps · 02/07/2023 09:04

You deserve the time off. Be brave and have a conversation with your other half. If there is a suggestion of jobs for you to do say no, that's not going to work for me but we can do it at the weekend / next week etc.

Women are always putting ourselves last. It feels awkward to take time to ourselves. But keeping it secret just adds to the idea that you're doing something wrong, and you're not. Would your other half struggle with this he had accrued some time off?

Kfjsjdbd · 02/07/2023 09:05

Oh definitely do it. I’m thinking of doing the same.

How would you spend the time??!

Im tempted to save mine until it’s a 40 degree day and so I can take myself swimming.

Kingsparkle · 02/07/2023 09:06

Do it, me and DH take a day off to ourselves a few times a year. Sometimes alone, sometimes together but still drop DS at nursery like normal. We both work full time with no family help and need a break from everyday life sometimes. I wouldn’t keep it a secret though, just set firm boundaries regarding your time.

RocketIceLollie · 02/07/2023 09:14

Do it! It's your annual leave at the end of the day.

HalloweenOnChristmas · 02/07/2023 09:15

Do it. Do it. I do this at least three times a year but I do tell DH and always on a day when DS is in wrap around care so I get extra time alone!

Original poster
dexismydumpstat · 02/07/2023 10:10

Thanks all. I don't feel anything bad towards my wife for tasking me on days off, I do get it and like a lot of partnerships some jobs that involve DIY fall to me and those need a good couple of hours time input.

Majority of the time I am knocking off tasks, just like she is (on top of our normal life/family admin and jobs) I just have a rare opportunity for some total downtime.

The consensus on here is go for it, so go for it I shall! Thank you all.

OP posts:
Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 02/07/2023 10:16

Clever OP 😉

Ragwort · 02/07/2023 10:16

Just make sure your wife has a reasonable amount of time for herself too ... and perhaps look at your lifestyle.. are you both 'too busy' to enjoy relaxing and downtime? Do you schedule lots of social activities and outings ... many people seem to be so busy .. but a lot of what they are doing is not really necessary.

fudgepie12 · 02/07/2023 10:30
Grin

This was good. And it does change my response somewhat, had I have known the poster is (supposedly) male (and not just someone testing us....although good be a same sex marriage of course) I would have said of course go for it but does your wife get this downtime too? I suppose because from MN watching for a number of years I think it's clearly women who disproportionately do more (I say that as someone who has a pretty balanced marriage) so I want to come to the defence of the mum to make sure she is being considered too, because the men usually already are....

Orchidgal · 02/07/2023 10:46

Hehe

I definitely think you should do it OP!

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