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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have a secret day off

42 replies

dexismydumpstat · 02/07/2023 08:26

I'm planning on grabbing an annual leave day and keeping it to myself.

Two children under 4, both in busy jobs, childcare and life admin is a good 50/50 split. I am just so tired!

Have accrued a little extra leave at work through working through lunchtimes, local arrangement so it's not on my balance officially.

We work hybrid, would it be bad to take a day when I am the only one WFH?

I know if I announce it I will get hit with lots of little jobs, nothing super difficult but they all add up to whittle the day down to nothing.

OP posts:

Coolblur · 02/07/2023 10:47

HaveANiceFuckingDay you sound a bit controlling. Why would you think you should decide how his (secret) free time will be spent?
On his proper day off he'll do the jobs I ask. Why do you decide what jobs he is doing, isn't that a joint decision? What happens if he doesn't do the jobs you ask?

OP, take the day off but don't keep it secret, you shouldn't feel you have to do that.

HappiestSleeping · 02/07/2023 10:50

dexismydumpstat · 02/07/2023 08:26

I'm planning on grabbing an annual leave day and keeping it to myself.

Two children under 4, both in busy jobs, childcare and life admin is a good 50/50 split. I am just so tired!

Have accrued a little extra leave at work through working through lunchtimes, local arrangement so it's not on my balance officially.

We work hybrid, would it be bad to take a day when I am the only one WFH?

I know if I announce it I will get hit with lots of little jobs, nothing super difficult but they all add up to whittle the day down to nothing.

Two children under 4, both in busy jobs....

How do you get them to work at that age? I suspect many on here would want to know that secret 🤣

Original poster

dexismydumpstat · 02/07/2023 11:20

Just to clarify - neither of us decides tasks for the other! We have a good daily routine of day to day tasks like laundry, cooking and washing up.

The real issue isnt either of us being some sort of taskmaster. It's more sort of guilt. Whenever we are off, if one is doing oddjobs then the other feels the need to get cracking as well.

I know this is a proper first world problem. I am also aware that both of us being in well paid flexible roles gives us a lot more opportunity for teamwork than most. I do feel for women who do get lumbered with all the work and the expectation they will pick up all domestic stuff.

Finally, just because I am on a snide day off I will still give the house a once over - bathrooms and hoover. I just want to crack that out in the first hour or two then spend the rest of the time until nursery pick up watching films and assembling my blood bowl team

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 02/07/2023 11:24

I can’t believe people do this and keep it a secret. Just tell your partner you’re knackered and are having a day off and encourage them to do the same another day?

Busywithsomething · 02/07/2023 11:35

Go for it! You say you'll give the house a mini once -over. You know you pull your own weight every day. Have a nice day to yourself.

continentallentil · 02/07/2023 11:41

Absolutely.

Try and make it a three monthly thing.

MadammeGazelle · 02/07/2023 11:43

Book yourself a spa day and disappear for the day!

RosieLeaLovesTea · 02/07/2023 11:46

Do it, do it! Even better book a hotel and have a long quiet nap while not look at housework
jobs in your own house or book lunch with a friend.

HopelessEstateAgents · 02/07/2023 12:09

LOL

The gender reveal on this thread is such an MN bullseye I think this isn't real, but very very funny, well done OP.

Namechange13101 · 02/07/2023 13:18

You absolutely should.....I build up TOIL each month so i can have a Friday off while the kids are at nursery and DH is at work to do absolutely nothing except sit in the sun/read a book/watch crap tv/do whatever i feel like. I'm very honest with DH when i take this day so he knows to not ask me to do anything at all and he's all for it as he does the same in his schedule to. Definitely made a difference to both of us to have "our time" as we call it :-)

unicorncrumble · 02/07/2023 21:24

I do this once in a while. Sometimes you just need some down time

theGooHasGone · 02/07/2023 21:27

Nicely done OP!

mrsneate · 02/07/2023 21:32

I just did a whole weekend off in secret... it was heavenly, I did housework though!

Ex assumed I was working and has had the boys

DP is away at sea.

Original poster

dexismydumpstat · 12/08/2023 13:18

Hello,

As a little postscript I had my day off and it was lovely thank you.

For those doubters - I am a man, me not giving my gender at the start was just to get a more balanced opinion.

I did do the housework, had the house clean and shipshape by 11ish and spent the rest of the day building/painting a blood bowl team and revisiting some classic films until pick up time. Even treated myself to a bacon butty.

With the children beginning to push to primary school age I am hoping it's not something I have to do much more.

Finally, my wife had an afternoon to herself the other week which I was only too happy to cover for - took the children out on their balance bikes.

OP posts:

Olika · 12/08/2023 13:28

Absolutely

Hummingbird89 · 12/08/2023 14:29

anyone else read the op as “two children under four who were both in busy jobs”? 😁
Glad you enjoyed a bit of me time OP, I’d have done the same:

Yetanothernewname101 · 12/08/2023 14:33

I'm glad you got your day off and a bit of 'you time'. We all need that to keep balance in our lives.

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