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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hot have let them in

72 replies

AsLongAsIHaveMyTea · 02/07/2023 07:37

We have just moved into our new house and redecorated. I had invited some of our friends around for a drink and they turned up with their excitable young dog. We don’t have a dog and I don’t want one running around my new house. The garden isn’t secure so leaving him in the garden wouldn’t be an option. I love animals but I really didn’t want him crashing into things in the house and stealing shoes and chewing the rugs (all things I know he does and did in our previous house before and things that our friends get frustrated with at their own house).
Was I unreasonable to say very politely that they would have to go and drop the dog back home before coming in? They got a bit upset and never came in for a drink.

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 02/07/2023 08:52

Can’t bear dog entitlement- I have only allowed one friend to bring their dog as we didn’t have a pet at that time and they came from a distance staying most of the day. Dog was not a problem. But they asked which is the main thing.
Now we usually have cats so it’s a straight no to any dog!
Your friends should’ve asked but if you’ve allowed the dog before I see why they thought it’d be ok.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 02/07/2023 08:52

ohtowinthelottery · 02/07/2023 08:42

As I understand it, you've always allowed them to bring the dog before but you now don't want the dog to come because you've decorated. YANBU to not want the dog in your house BUT you should have made that clear when you invited your friends. Why would they think the dog was not invited when it had been allowed previously?

This is how it reads to me too. If you previously let the dog in even grudgingly, I'd never do it, but it's not unreasonable of them to think it'll be the same as normal. Knowing they usually bought the dog I would have said that the dog couldn't come in and the garden isn't secure so they'd need to leave them at home.

topnoddy · 02/07/2023 08:53

I say well done for not letting them in with the horrible mutt

Whendoesmydietstart · 02/07/2023 08:54

Although I never take my dogs visiting, if you had previously allowed the dog, albeit begrudgingly, into you home, then you should have been clear in the invitation that they should leave their dog at home.

Pkhsvd · 02/07/2023 08:54

I think it’s really rude to turn up with one; we’ve had people ask and we’ve been able to work out how to contain the dog and offered that but I don’t really want one in my house that isn’t well trained

standardduck · 02/07/2023 08:56

YANBU - I have a dog and would never bring him to someone's house without asking if it's okay. I would also not be upset if someone said no. Not everyone likes dogs and not everyone wants them in their house.

CremeEggThief · 02/07/2023 08:57

Echoing another poster, was there a reason you couldn't all have sat out in the garden, with the dog on the lead? To me this would have been the best option- I completely understand why you weren't up for the dog inside, but you could have compromised more.

Alleycat1 · 02/07/2023 09:01

Years ago people always left their dogs at home when visiting friends and family. For one thing they acted as burglar deterrents. It is embarrassing to have to turn visitors away but I can't understand why people think we want their dogs in our home anyway.
A few years ago a friend showed up with her Persian cat (is this a thing now?) and was very offended when I refused entry. I have pet parrots who are free during the day and she knew this.

queenMab99 · 02/07/2023 09:02

I would never take my dog to someone's house unless they asked me to, which isn't likely ! When unexpected visitors come to mine, I put him on his lead, so he doesn't slobber all over them, as he loves people and is over familiar, to put it mildly.

FlounderingFruitcake · 02/07/2023 09:06

If you’ve always allowed the dog in before, which is more than I’d ever do, then I don’t think they’re to blame for assuming it would also be fine this time. If it was a nice day I would have suggested sitting out in the garden and that the dog stays on the lead. Then next time make it clear in advance that the dog isn’t welcome!

MzHz · 02/07/2023 09:07

Allwelcone · 02/07/2023 08:03

I personally would have let them in regardless of the consequences. Its more polite imo even if yes they should have asked.
Man made stuff as in decor shouldn't trump generosity of spirit.
Even if maybe you understandibly weren't feeling generous best to behave like you are.

This is utter bollocks!

BeeCucumber · 02/07/2023 09:07

It’s nice to read about a Mumsnetter with a backbone on here. I’m glad you turned them away instead on posting about the dog ruining your new house and asking how to say no next time.

LaBefana · 02/07/2023 09:12

Allwelcone · 02/07/2023 08:03

I personally would have let them in regardless of the consequences. Its more polite imo even if yes they should have asked.
Man made stuff as in decor shouldn't trump generosity of spirit.
Even if maybe you understandibly weren't feeling generous best to behave like you are.

This is the most amazing nonsense. Ripe stuff even for Mumsnet.

ZekeZeke · 02/07/2023 09:16

You allowed the dog in your previous home, your friends probably assumed it wouldn't be an issue in your new home. Not unreasonable. You should have told them in advance that the dog isn't welcome.

mn29 · 02/07/2023 09:17

YANBU at all. I hate that because most people love dogs, for those of us not keen on dogs it’s almost a crime to not want to be around them and allow them in our homes. Sadly we hardly see one part of my family now as we live an hour away and they won’t come to visit without their dog (we do go to see them of course but see them less now it doesn’t work both ways).

MsRosley · 02/07/2023 09:21

Dog owner here. I wouldn't dream of turning up at at someone else's house with any of them, even the well behaved one. Frankly I'd be relieved if I never heard from the CFs again.

Allwelcone · 02/07/2023 09:22

To posters saying my opinion about putting generosity and friendship above decor is nonsense and bollocks etc, I'm thinking what you actually mean is you disagree? I've said nothing factual in there it's just my opinion.

MangoBiscuit · 02/07/2023 09:41

Allwelcone · 02/07/2023 08:03

I personally would have let them in regardless of the consequences. Its more polite imo even if yes they should have asked.
Man made stuff as in decor shouldn't trump generosity of spirit.
Even if maybe you understandibly weren't feeling generous best to behave like you are.

Generosity of spirit goes both ways. If you know your pet will damage or destroy someone's new home, it's very selfish to expect them to be allowed in.

Bending over backwards to accomodate selfish people is foolish, in my opinion. It only leads to anger and resentment.

Allwelcone · 02/07/2023 09:43

@MangoBiscuit I guess I meant just that one time given pp had let them bring the dog before. From then on, be clear, no thanks to dogs.

SpainToday · 02/07/2023 09:46

Whatthediddlyfeck · 02/07/2023 07:45

YANBU…and I say that as a dog owner. I don’t understand this recent phenomenon of people taking their dogs everywhere and expecting them to be welcomed

This

MangoBiscuit · 02/07/2023 09:47

But surely by then the damage will have already been done. Shoes gone, rugs chewed, fragile ornaments smashed. Why should the OP have to put up with their new home being trashed because of other peoples' selfishness?

MangoBiscuit · 02/07/2023 09:47

Sorry, that was in reply to @Allwelcone

JudgeRudy · 02/07/2023 09:50

AsLongAsIHaveMyTea · 02/07/2023 07:37

We have just moved into our new house and redecorated. I had invited some of our friends around for a drink and they turned up with their excitable young dog. We don’t have a dog and I don’t want one running around my new house. The garden isn’t secure so leaving him in the garden wouldn’t be an option. I love animals but I really didn’t want him crashing into things in the house and stealing shoes and chewing the rugs (all things I know he does and did in our previous house before and things that our friends get frustrated with at their own house).
Was I unreasonable to say very politely that they would have to go and drop the dog back home before coming in? They got a bit upset and never came in for a drink.

Perfectly reasonable to refuse the dog however if it's something you've previously tolerated and you knew they were coming, I'd have given them advance warning.
If I was just popping in for a nose and had to go back home to drop off the dog I'd probably not be inclined to come back out.
Extend the hand of friendship and invite them over for a takeaway another night.

user1492757084 · 02/07/2023 09:59

You were very reasonable.
Maybe if you want tjhose friends to visit, because of not having a fence, you would like to set up a dog cage with kennel/bed and a water bowl in which visiting guests could lock their pet.
Did they not have a lead?
What do they do at the shops?

YeahIsaidit · 02/07/2023 10:01

I like dogs, all animals really but what is it with some dog owners thinking they can bring their dogs everywhere and that people should just be alright with it?