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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 25 wants to move abroad.

46 replies

ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:30

I'm a single mother, DS1 moved out and has a family of his own, DS2 who is 25 still lives at home right now but has traveled a bit and really wants to move abroad to Thailand at least temporary for a few days.

He works remotely online and has savings from living at home, I don't want him to go.

AIBU in worrying about if something happens?

OP posts:
chessica · 01/07/2023 18:31

Got to let him

Original poster
ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:32

I meant a few years in the OP*

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 01/07/2023 18:32

You're not being unreasonable to worry, but there's nothing wrong with him wanting to go abroad either.

Original poster
ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:32

chessica · 01/07/2023 18:31

Got to let him

There isn't anything I can really say, I just worry.

OP posts:
Superdupes · 01/07/2023 18:32

He's 25. Thailand is amazing, have you been? Please don't try to guilt trip and emotionally manipulate him into staying.

beatingtheodds · 01/07/2023 18:32

In a few years, so he'd be 27?

Let him go...

Winecrispschocolatecats · 01/07/2023 18:36

Various family members have lived in (or are still living in): France, Italy, South Africa, New Zealand, Poland, Malaysia, India and more.

Doesn't make you worry less, I know. But please try not to let him know you're worrying so much. It's a fantastic thing to have the freedom to travel.

phoenixrosehere · 01/07/2023 18:36

Do you mean a few months?

I can understand being worried and you are not unreasonable to do so. Saying that, anything can happen regardless where he is, the only difference is how close you are.

He is an adult and old enough to make his own decisions. If he has a good head on his shoulders and is doing his research before moving, there’s a lesser risk that something could happen but there is a risk regardless what happens. Trying to stop him, would put you in yabu territory.

phoenixrosehere · 01/07/2023 18:37

phoenixrosehere · 01/07/2023 18:36

Do you mean a few months?

I can understand being worried and you are not unreasonable to do so. Saying that, anything can happen regardless where he is, the only difference is how close you are.

He is an adult and old enough to make his own decisions. If he has a good head on his shoulders and is doing his research before moving, there’s a lesser risk that something could happen but there is a risk regardless what happens. Trying to stop him, would put you in yabu territory.

Sorry, saw your post about the time frame after I posted.

WaltzingWaters · 01/07/2023 18:39

Let him go. It’ll be an amazing opportunity. I spent my whole 20’s travelling and living abroad. Moved back home at 30. Wouldn’t change what I did for anything.
And go visit him! Thailand is a stunning country with incredible food.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 01/07/2023 18:40

He's an adult, you should want him to spread his wings and travel while he's young.

I can understand you feeling worried but you absolutely can not tell him not to go.

Original poster
ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:43

Thanks for the replies.

I will support his choice but it's all just a worry really, he is very sensible and has a good head on his shoulders but still it's a big change.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 01/07/2023 18:44

In the kindest way op, get a grip, I travelled for 5 years and was 26 when I returned, no way would I have not done this.

robinsnest1967 · 01/07/2023 18:45

My daughter moved to the middle east a few days after she turned 20, for love, and has been there 8 years now. I cried for months, it had been just me and her for her whole life. But she's happy, has a family, and to be honest if I was younger I would do the same!

Gracewithoutend · 01/07/2023 18:46

I think your reaction is perfectly normal. You want to keep him safe and close where you can protect him.
But you also know you have to not only let him go, but seem like you're happy about it.
It's difficult, especially as he's going straight from home, but we all have to let them go at some time.

2chocolateoranges · 01/07/2023 18:48

As a parent we guide, support , teach , love and bring our children up to be individuals who go out into the world and create a life of their own.

to be independent and stand on their own two feet.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/07/2023 18:50

Of course you're worried. What's he like for keeping in touch usually?

cakeorwine · 01/07/2023 18:52

ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:43

Thanks for the replies.

I will support his choice but it's all just a worry really, he is very sensible and has a good head on his shoulders but still it's a big change.

I always wonder what my parents thought about my life choices in my 20s (travelling, emigrated, came back) but DF was supportive.

You have one life. Live it.

At least communication is way better than it was back in the 90s.

ProfessorXtra · 01/07/2023 18:56

I get it’s worrying. But our job as parents is to raise kids, where possible, to be independent adults. Obviously some kids will never be independent due to illness/disability etc. But Independent adults make decisions about what experiences they want and chose where they want to live.

Take comfort in the fact that you did you job and he is able and comfortable to do this. What a great opportunity for him.

Original poster
ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:57

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/07/2023 18:50

Of course you're worried. What's he like for keeping in touch usually?

Whenever he has gone away for a month or so he always makes time for a video call etc, it is just alot to take in that he'll maybe be gone for a few years, he did mention he'll come visit every 6 months or so.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 01/07/2023 18:58

You have a bit of time to prepare yourself mentally OP.

Empty nest syndrome is rough. I too am a single mum and have and am currently in the same situation.

Try to think is it as, it was your job as his mum to get him to adulthood. And now he is there, he will make his choices, you've taught him that he can do that.

And Thailand is so beautiful. I stayed there for 6 months while travelling. An experience I will never forget.

Encourage him, be happy for him....then cry your eyes out later when he doesn't see.

DanceMonster · 01/07/2023 19:00

I moved abroad for a year at 21 then again for a few years at 25. I’m sure my parents worried but they never let on! I had a fab time.

Blossomtoes · 01/07/2023 19:01

I get it. Obviously you’ll wave him off with a smile on your face but it won’t be easy. Mine was flirting with the idea of emigrating to Australia at one point and I felt sick every time I thought of it. My relief was huge when he changed his mind.

SunscreenCentral · 01/07/2023 19:02

Once he's settled you could go visit and have an adventure yourself:)

Gracewithoutend · 01/07/2023 19:22

He visits you every 6 months. You visit him ever 6 months. You'll be seeing each other every 3 months. That's more than I saw my parents at that age... and they only lived 10 mins from me! Lol.

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