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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS 25 wants to move abroad.

46 replies

ShayShaySha · 01/07/2023 18:30

I'm a single mother, DS1 moved out and has a family of his own, DS2 who is 25 still lives at home right now but has traveled a bit and really wants to move abroad to Thailand at least temporary for a few days.

He works remotely online and has savings from living at home, I don't want him to go.

AIBU in worrying about if something happens?

OP posts:

Frisate · 01/07/2023 19:23

I moved to the UK from abroad to do a PhD when I was younger than your son. I had uni colleagues who had come from Singapore, US, China, Japan, etc to study in this country. We all survived, your son will be absolutely fine.

Blossomtoes · 01/07/2023 19:28

your son will be absolutely fine.

Yes, he will but will @ShayShaySha? It’s a tough thing to face when you’ve brought your kids up alone and it’s been you and them against the world.

MIBnightmare · 01/07/2023 19:48

I lived in Thailand for 15 years.. please feel free to dM me )I also speak Thai.. if that helps . ?

fireflyloo · 01/07/2023 19:56

I think it's normal to feel worried but it would be such a great opportunity. Now is the time for him to do it.

usernother · 01/07/2023 20:24

He's 25. He can and should go whether you want him to or not. Natural to worry about him but don't put a dampener on his plans by telling him you don't want him to go.

ANewAdventure · 01/07/2023 20:27

Totally normal to be worried, but a fantastic thing to do. Chat to him about having good insurance, and ideally enough money put aside (or an untouched credit card) to jump on a plane home if he needs to. And start saving for your brilliant holiday visiting him!

Brandspankingnewandshiny · 01/07/2023 20:29

Let him go. He'll have the time of his life

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 01/07/2023 20:33

I went to SE Asia for work when I was 22. My mum practically pushed me on to the plane! I’m now in my mid thirties with a chance to go to NZ in a year or so with work my mum is hounding me to “make sure” I still want to go because she wants somewhere to stay when she goes there when she’s retired. It might be all a front and she’s devastated but her enthusiasm is lovely.

Support him it’s an amazing opportunity to go abroad.

DuesToTheDirt · 01/07/2023 20:35

Be pleased that he is adventurous. I have young adults children who barely leave their rooms!

somewhereovertherain · 01/07/2023 20:37

My 22 year old left for Thailand on Monday travelling for 10 weeks then a year at uni in Malaysia. So you can guess my answer

LIZS · 01/07/2023 20:42

Let him go. However there may be issues with working remotely there and tax implications.

WitheringTights000 · 01/07/2023 20:49

What about considering other countries op? Like Canada etc? You can get visas, then he would not be restricted due to taxes etc

AlrightJulia · 01/07/2023 20:56

Sounds amazing for him. But make sure he checks about working remotely as not all can be done overseas, just like that. With technology as it is now you'll be able to video call etc and keep in contact, just as you would if he moved to the other end of the Uk!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/07/2023 21:00

My parents always made me feel when I was young as though living abroad wasn’t an option for me, as they’d be so worried and miss me etc.

I really regret it now I’m older with kids.

Ironically both of my brothers have lived abroad at various times!

PickledPurplePickle · 01/07/2023 21:06

He needs to check with his employer as they may not allow work outside the Uk

PickledPurplePickle · 01/07/2023 21:07

He might need a visa to work there

also there will be tax implications and his employer might not allow this as it’s really complicated for them

Mossstitch · 01/07/2023 21:10

You drop him off at the airport with a smile and a wave........and cry on the way back in private! Job well done🥰

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 01/07/2023 21:12

Make sire he is extremely well covered insurance wise and has backup funds to get home in a hurry if he needs to.

HideousKinky · 01/07/2023 21:28

I went to live in SE Asia at the age of 25

Starlightstarbright2 · 01/07/2023 21:32

Be proud you have grown him up to a young man wanting to see the world and following his dreams.

you will worry , sadly as a side effect of been a parent we worry for ever

goosebumps · 01/07/2023 21:34

DuesToTheDirt · 01/07/2023 20:35

Be pleased that he is adventurous. I have young adults children who barely leave their rooms!

Yes I was thinking this too. There are so many young adults who don't seem to want to go anywhere or leave home - so you should be proud to have such an adventurous son. Though I do understand it will be hard and you'll miss him - it's great he wants to make the most of his life.

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