Am I ridiculous to think he’s cheating?

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I do have a tendency to overthink things and I have really low self esteem so I could absolutely be clutching at straws here.

My boyfriend is a really busy man. If he’s not at work, he’s with friends, committing to his sport or with me. We don’t get a huge amount of time to do nothing.

He’s recently changed his role at work which he hates; it’s really getting him down. He’s been coming home at 8pm some nights. This has worried me but he has explained why, and he will sometimes leave me voice notes ranting about it during the day.

He also doesn’t post me anymore. He’s never been a huge social media poster but he last posted me in march. We went on a holiday at the beginning of May and he mentioned he loved the pictures and will post some. He hasn’t. I mentioned this as a passing comment the other day and he got annoyed, telling me to “stop bringing it up”. It worries me that he doesn’t want someone to see…

Also, when we have sex he is either not finishing or taking ages to finish. This has happened with him sometimes before, but it just seems more common now.

I just can’t put my finger on it, although I am a hugely anxious person and my gut feeling has been hugely wrong in the past. He gets really upset if he feels I don’t trust him and he says I need to be understanding of how busy he is.

Am I being ridiculous? Outside of all this he’s very loving and encouraging, and makes a huge effort to spend time with me. We don’t really look at each others phones but from glances, I’ve never seen anything suspicious.

This is a very unhinged take, a lack of social media posting does not mean anything else, especially if they do not post much already

I mean if you keep bringing up the same thing anyone will get annoyed, even more so if it's about something he doesn't care about

Of course it’s not a fucking red flag! The man is stressed with work, the last thing he’s going to want to do is concoct a contrived, lovey dovey post on social media. For whose benefit would that be? I’ve seen people actively post OTT shit about how much they love their partner on social media when I know for a fact they’re cheating on them. It means absolutely fuck all. It’s performative and showing off for others. If anyone takes SM so seriously that it’s affecting their relationship, they should delete their accounts.

She isn’t asking for that though is she. Simply to put up some photos of them. Really not hard at all. No need to go overboard, no one said anything about a massive lovey gushy post.

"She isn’t asking for that though is she. Simply to put up some photos of them. Really not hard at all. No need to go overboard, no one said anything about a massive lovey gushy post."

@Daisydu you have firmly placed yourself into the same bonkers category as the OP. Needing this type of reassurance is not normal or healthy.

@Daisydu it's not normal to get upset by lack of social media. I would argue less sm is better. My DH has put up maybe 2 photos on sm his whole life. Probably of the dogs. I have put up maybe 50 in the last 15 years. About 2 of DH.

Well I think you’re bonkers for thinking it doesn’t matter. But you do you.

And in the context of OP's relationship - she thinks it matters and her boyfriend doesn't. That might or might not be a fundamental incompatibility.
(Personally I couldn't be with someone who was so obsessed with social media).

It sounds like OP is feeling a bit anxious about a few changes in their relationship. Quite likely to do with his new job change and stress around that. Plus working late and his lack of social postings, maybe things he would ordinarily have posted. So to her, it is important. And she needs some reassurance around it and that is not bonkers or nuts or whatever else has been trotted out. Its simply that things have changed slightly and shes feeling anxious about it.

A loving partner would address this when it comes to their attention and then reassure. Which it seems is what ops partner has now done. Even if they thought she was being over the top or over thinking or whatever, they have realised it is important to the person they love and addressed it.

A healthy relationship requires this sort of communication and I think OP was right to bring it up. There is nothing worse than being anxious about something, not bringing it up for fear of looking bonkers and then it festers away turning into a huge huge issue as it hasn't been addressed.

And sometimes, i'd say there will likely be times in every realtionship that need the other person to take the lead a little. Not everything can be 50/50 all the time. Sometimes, if someone is dealing with something that IS important to THEM it might be the split becomes 70/30. She needed that reassurance, she needed that extra little bit from him to stop her spiralling and he provided that. And now balance is regained. Its just how it works sometimes.

Some people may think not posting on social media is a silly thing to get anxious about. But it isn't a silly thing for OP, and that does not make her wrong. He hadn't posted the holiday pics which he would normally do and said he would. That along with the working late, change in working patterns, his added stressiness, just made her feel a bit off. Thats literally it. And no harm in bringing it to your partners attention or to ask if she should be concerned.

OP I'm glad he addressed it with you and you feel reassured and calmer. That is what a healthy relationship is. And there will be times he'll be the one having a wobble and you'll have his back too. All these people who seemingly go through life perfectly with no worries, concerns, anxieties about anything, or who wouldn't bring up a new gut feeling with their partner, well I'm yet to meet one in real life.