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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are wedding gifts expected to be so expensive?

31 replies

Saqwk · 01/07/2023 11:06

Wedding season and friend is getting married at the end of August. My plan was to give money towards the honeymoon but only about £40. All my other friends say they are giving £100 plus an extra gift. Bride said she wants money towards the honeymoon
Boyfriend said I should match this.

It's making me feel really anxious and I don't understand why so much is money is the norm? 2 people chose to get married so why is expecting their honeymoon paid for an expected thing?

Maybe I'm a Scrooge but I'm feeling stressed - there's already been about 4 hen dos and it seems to be money, money and more.money.

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 01/07/2023 11:09

£40 seems fine to me.

TwoFourSixEightNeverTooLate · 01/07/2023 11:09

You don’t have to match other friends, just give what you can afford.

Cakesandbabes · 01/07/2023 11:10

It's not the couple's fault your frienda decided to give 100...
Give what you are comfortable with. Simple

bibbityboppityboo · 01/07/2023 11:13

Asking for money towards the honeymoon =/= expecting the honeymoon paid for. It just means they don't want people buying toasters or random things, they'd prefer a cash gift.

Personally I think £40 isn't what I would give, but if it's affordable to you and more isn't then that's what you give. Is your boyfriend a guest too? If he feels strongly about matching amounts I assume he's chipping in then?

Hadalifeonce · 01/07/2023 11:13

£40 is perfectly OK as a wedding gift. Either give them the cash as planned OR a gift of similar value
Do not be pressurised into spending more. I think it's bad form to discuss costs of gifts among guests. There will always be people who spend more and others who spend less.
It's nobody's business but your own how much you spend.

ShirleyPhallus · 01/07/2023 11:14

It’s not the norm and your anxiety about what to give has no actual relation to the bride and groom

Just give what you can and want to

Original poster
Saqwk · 01/07/2023 11:15

I can afford more, but there's other stuff I'd rather put my money towards like the holiday I'm going on in summer etc. £100 gift just seems illogical to me but maybe I'm just a cheapstake.

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 01/07/2023 11:16

I always give £50, it just feels a decent amount nicely rounded up. But £40 is also absolutely 100% fine.

Crikeyalmighty · 01/07/2023 11:17

We have had a list link sent over and everything is very pricey and top end- all over£80 etc, so I'm with you OP- I think peoples expectations of what others should spend on an occasion that's their choice is ludicrous- especially given that lots of these occasions these days require overnight stays, pricey hen dos etc

Original poster
Saqwk · 01/07/2023 11:17

Maybe it's just my friendship group then, just feels everyones trying to outdo each other,

"Oh I'm giving £100"

"I'm giving £100 plus a necklace"

"Ooh I might do the same!"

"Why don't we all chip in but her a necklace, bracelet and earings!"

And I feel like maybe it's just me being grumpy!

OP posts:
BooksAndHooks · 01/07/2023 11:19

Traditionally it’s supposed to cover the cost of your meal etc. Previously it was generally £50 for day guest, £25 for evening guest. This is what I’ve always used as a guide. £100 for a couple attending all day would fit with this.

Original poster
Saqwk · 01/07/2023 11:19

And it doesn't help it's all discussed over group chat so I feel my money-situation is publicised.
I responded to the "let's all chip in and buy her jewelry" comment with "I'll be giving money sorry!" And was met with a load of thumbs up

OP posts:
Icecreamalaska · 01/07/2023 11:20

Is your boyfriend atrending the wedding with you OP? I mean is the gift from one person or two?

CC4712 · 01/07/2023 11:20

I was told that the gift should match what the couple would have paid for your meals and drinks. I have no doubt others will disagree though.

Were you giving £40 for both you and DH together, or each (£80 in total)? I personally would give £100-£150 if both DH and I were going and depending how close we are to the couple. Do what you can afford, but if its really £20 each you are giving- that does seem very cheap IMO.

Original poster
Saqwk · 01/07/2023 11:23

£40 each

OP posts:
woodhill · 01/07/2023 11:25

Sounds fine to me. Give what you can afford

Auntieobem · 01/07/2023 11:25

Id have thought jewellery was an odd choice for a wedding gift? Shouldn't a wedding gift be for the couple not just the bride??

2chocolateoranges · 01/07/2023 11:26

BooksAndHooks · 01/07/2023 11:19

Traditionally it’s supposed to cover the cost of your meal etc. Previously it was generally £50 for day guest, £25 for evening guest. This is what I’ve always used as a guide. £100 for a couple attending all day would fit with this.

The only place I’ve heard that it’s supposed to cover the bill.

I know at my wedding I would rather have had people at the wedding with no gift than them having to scrimp and save to give me a gift.

dsy wedding we give as a couple £50 and evening wedding we give £30.

2chocolateoranges · 01/07/2023 11:27

That was supposed to say it’s only Mumsnet that I’ve heard the gift should cover the cost of the meal! Ridiculous!

woodhill · 01/07/2023 11:29

Auntieobem · 01/07/2023 11:25

Id have thought jewellery was an odd choice for a wedding gift? Shouldn't a wedding gift be for the couple not just the bride??

I certainly wouldn't buy bride jewellery

OhFFS! · 01/07/2023 11:29

When we got married (albeit 20 years ago), we had a gift list but had items on there from £5 upwards so people didn't feel pressured into buying something expensive. We didn't think any different to those who bought something for £5 or £50 especially as they were coming to the wedding which always costs more than you think

Toddlerteaplease · 01/07/2023 11:40

I'd give £40 bit that's the absolute maximum. My family and friends never spend more than that on each other anyway.

Toddlerteaplease · 01/07/2023 11:42

I wasn't impressed when a friend decided we were all going to chip in to buy another friend for her garden bar. Can't remember the amount but it was a lot. Everyone in the watsapp agreed. Which made it is bit tricky. But it did turn out that other people weren't happy about it either.

FriendsDrinkBook · 01/07/2023 11:45

Give £40 op , it's plenty. Nobody will have any idea what people gave anyway as the cards will be opened after the wedding.

You're overthinking it.

Brandspankingnewandshiny · 01/07/2023 11:49

TwoFourSixEightNeverTooLate · 01/07/2023 11:09

You don’t have to match other friends, just give what you can afford.

This

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