Page 3 | Ex is getting angry at My suggestions

Cotswoldlife90 · 2023-07-01T05:17:59+00:00

So im currently 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby, the father is my ex who I split with in April of 2022 but we continued to meet up on a casual basis for the next 7 months or so until I found out I was pregnant. He hasn't been involved during the pregnancy as continues to say he doesn't even know whether it's his or not so I've said he can do a dna test if he so wishes. He's been dating this girl I believe for the last few months although he says it's none of my business. I've said im not comfortable with her being around my baby until they've been in a longterm secure relationship. He has flipped out calling me all sorts and says I can't control this. Do anyone of you have any advice on what you would do in this situation?? The only advice I've seen online are for kids that are older and not newborn/babies.

IThinkItsCalledAButt · 01/07/2023 11:05

RicherThanYews · 01/07/2023 09:40

I'm dumbfounded by the double standards on here. Other threads where a mother posts that she has children and a new boyfriend results in her head being ripped off for introducing the new boyfriend too soon and she is always advised to wait until the relationship is on solid ground before introducing the new boyfriend to the children. When a deadbeat dad does the same thing its perfectly OK and the mother should mind her own business? The op is being sensible, she just wants to be sure that the deadbeat dad is in a serious and committed relationship (when baby is born) before the child meets the new girlfriend. Only on fucking Mumsnet.

I don't think anyone is saying they think it's an ideal scenario. Just that in reality what can OP actually do about it? She can't prevent her child from seeing their dad because she doesn't agree with his length of relationship.

Hoardasurass · 01/07/2023 12:13

@Cotswoldlife90
Some of the advice you've got is just wrong.
1st, You can't just put him on the birth certificate he can only go on it if he agrees to come and sign it when you register the birth as you aren't married. Or he can petition the court when the dna is done.

2nd, he should not be taking a new born out of the house and away from you (mum) for contact. A judge would only give a hour or so every other day with you in the same house (not nesscarilly same room) this would be the same for breast or bottle feed.

3rd he should slowly build up the time that he spends with dc over 6 months to a year until he can take dc out for the day (no overnight access before 1-2 years) after this overnight access can be built up to 50/50 (though usually not till after 5). However most nrp have every other weekend and 1 night in the week so 70/30 split.

As for his girlfriend if you don't want her in your home she doesn't come in therefore she can't meet dc. Also contact should be dc and dad only until a bond is created between dc and dad. However once dad starts to take dc out alone (around 6 months) he can introduce dc to anyone he chooses and unless there's valid safeguarding issues there's nothing you can do to stop it.
In reality if he wants a dna test then he won't be on the birth certificate so will have to apply to the court to get his parental rights, which will be granted with the dna then he will be granted access. You need to be reasonable about access before the court order otherwise it looks bad on you. However you need to remember that any contract that you allow will set a president so don't allow him to bully you into more than you're comfortable with, I'd only offer the court standard that I've listed above and if he demands more tell him to take you to court because he won't get more and may get less because the judge can see that you are putting your child 1st by offering reasonable contact and he is refusing/demanding unreasonable contact and not putting dc's needs 1st.
Basically forget him until after dc is born and ignore his new gf, who may not even know about you and your pregnancy and if she does may not want any contact. Also I'd recommend putting as cm claim as soon as dc is born. Good luck

Original poster

Cotswoldlife90 · 01/07/2023 12:22

Hoardasurass · 01/07/2023 12:13

@Cotswoldlife90
Some of the advice you've got is just wrong.
1st, You can't just put him on the birth certificate he can only go on it if he agrees to come and sign it when you register the birth as you aren't married. Or he can petition the court when the dna is done.

2nd, he should not be taking a new born out of the house and away from you (mum) for contact. A judge would only give a hour or so every other day with you in the same house (not nesscarilly same room) this would be the same for breast or bottle feed.

3rd he should slowly build up the time that he spends with dc over 6 months to a year until he can take dc out for the day (no overnight access before 1-2 years) after this overnight access can be built up to 50/50 (though usually not till after 5). However most nrp have every other weekend and 1 night in the week so 70/30 split.

As for his girlfriend if you don't want her in your home she doesn't come in therefore she can't meet dc. Also contact should be dc and dad only until a bond is created between dc and dad. However once dad starts to take dc out alone (around 6 months) he can introduce dc to anyone he chooses and unless there's valid safeguarding issues there's nothing you can do to stop it.
In reality if he wants a dna test then he won't be on the birth certificate so will have to apply to the court to get his parental rights, which will be granted with the dna then he will be granted access. You need to be reasonable about access before the court order otherwise it looks bad on you. However you need to remember that any contract that you allow will set a president so don't allow him to bully you into more than you're comfortable with, I'd only offer the court standard that I've listed above and if he demands more tell him to take you to court because he won't get more and may get less because the judge can see that you are putting your child 1st by offering reasonable contact and he is refusing/demanding unreasonable contact and not putting dc's needs 1st.
Basically forget him until after dc is born and ignore his new gf, who may not even know about you and your pregnancy and if she does may not want any contact. Also I'd recommend putting as cm claim as soon as dc is born. Good luck

Thank you for this, some great advice

OP posts:

RicherThanYews · 01/07/2023 13:15

@electriclight there are posts on this thread telling the OP that she should mind her own business about her ex and his new girlfriend possibly being involved in the baby's life from birth. That's why I said there is a double standard.