To let others make me feel like shit?

Petmis · 2023-06-30T22:27:05+00:00

Out for dinner with 20 or so colleagues tonight. Ended up sitting opposite someone who always acts nice as pie with me. Tonight she showed her true colours, which I had suspected were under the surface. There were plenty of sly digs. She took my bag and started to go through it. She took out my make up and laughed about it. She took out my tampons and laughed about them too. Now I’m home and can’t stop crying. She was really immature and clearly enjoyed making me feel uncomfortable. Why am I letting her make me feel like shit? How can I stop it?

smoocakes6 · 30/06/2023 23:28

She's a utter cxxt op .

WhyDoesItAlways · 30/06/2023 23:30

The only person who should feel shit it her. Is she 12?

smoocakes6 · 30/06/2023 23:31

Hope you're ok x looks far worse on her than you .

FreyafromLondon · 30/06/2023 23:31

She took your tampons out your bag and laughed?! How old is she 10?
Don't let someone who acts like a deranged child get you down OP. She sounds like a lunatic

24Dogcuddler · 30/06/2023 23:32

So sorry hope you are ok?
She sounds like a nasty bully and very immature. Surely other people must have been shocked by her behaviour.
Was she drunk?

Hopefully she will feel ashamed of herself in the morning.
If it continues into your workplace speak to your manager. Don’t put up with it.

Try to sleep.

pinguins · 30/06/2023 23:35

An actual woman? With periods? Laughing that you had tampons in your bag? I would have asked her has she been using newspaper her whole life and never been in the jamrag aisle at the supermarket?

Original poster

Petmis · 30/06/2023 23:39

Thanks for the messages.

She had a few drinks but I don’t think she was drunk. We work in the same place but I don’t work directly with her. However our kids go to school together (and are good friends) so I can’t avoid her for the next few years.

I know she was being a bitch, I wish I could just shrug it off. How do you stop caring about stuff like this?

OP posts:

Kitkatbar2018 · 30/06/2023 23:45

Call her out on her immaturity, say things like did you mean to say that, or tgars a bit nasty, or literally are you 10 laughing at tampons. Call her out rather than accepting it, throw it back at her. Cunts like that get away with it because they pick on people who won't say anything and you can choose to be the one that says something or stats quiet. Sadly Cunts like this just don't die out and you can't spend next few years tolerating this bitch.

Fluffytuffs · 30/06/2023 23:46

You don't stop caring OP, you're human, but maybe when you get a night's sleep you'll be able to see her behaviour as we all see it; an absolute gobshite trying her very best to be bitchy and amusing.

Iknowthis1 · 30/06/2023 23:51

There something wrong with her. That's not normal behaviour. The whole incident reflects badly on her, not you. She made a fool of herself. You can hold your head high.

Avondale89 · 30/06/2023 23:55

A grown woman laughing at tampons? What the fuck? She’s clearly a nasty bully, but she’s made herself look awful here and not you. I’m embarrassed for her.

I’d keep an eye on this and if the behaviour escalates, report it at work.

Turnandfacethestrangechanges · 30/06/2023 23:56

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Original poster

Petmis · 30/06/2023 23:58

Kitkatbar2018 · 30/06/2023 23:45

Call her out on her immaturity, say things like did you mean to say that, or tgars a bit nasty, or literally are you 10 laughing at tampons. Call her out rather than accepting it, throw it back at her. Cunts like that get away with it because they pick on people who won't say anything and you can choose to be the one that says something or stats quiet. Sadly Cunts like this just don't die out and you can't spend next few years tolerating this bitch.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I‘m the quiet one who laughs it off and goes home and cries.

But I don’t think her behaviour was acceptable and I don’t want it to continue. I don’t want this to happen again so I will call her out on it next time. I think I was too shocked to say anything tonight. On what planet is it ok to go through someone else’s bag??

OP posts:

Bromptotoo · 01/07/2023 00:00

Jeez, I can imagine teenage boys (or perhaps some odd girls) turning a bag out to look for, never mind laugh at, period products or make up.

But a grown woman doing it beggars belief.

Even men at a Stag Do aren't necessarily that cruel.

Original poster

Petmis · 01/07/2023 00:00

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She took out the make up and said ooh look at this and pretended to put it on her face.

Then she took out the tampons and said ooh look at these.

If you think I am making this up and want to tell me to fuck off, then same back to you

OP posts:

XenoBitch · 01/07/2023 00:03

She sounds really immature. I don't think you should try to stop caring about it tbh. Her behaviour was unacceptable.
I hope you feel strong enough to challenge it next time.

Bromptotoo · 01/07/2023 00:03

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It can happen.

More like men at a stag do but even so; It can happen.

Babsexxx · 01/07/2023 07:29

Do you think anyone at that table looked at her and thought “wow omg look at her go she’s soo funny what great company, what a great sense of humour…I really like her”

Of course not everyone would of thought what a absolute twat! Don’t be embarrassed op she’s the only one who needs to be was she drunk?! I cannot believe anyone in there right frame of mind would do all this.

If she was I would humiliate her sober face to face or if not just in general “hi quiet word? Just to make you aware I don’t know if you are aware of your behaviour but your absoloutly ridiculous, are you ok how are you? I’d be extremely overly nice patronising beyond sick so it leaves her questioning and considering her behaviour on a deeper level.

bambibrijwark · 01/07/2023 09:23

Why would a woman laugh at a tampon?! Sounds like a 14 year old boy!

LlynTegid · 01/07/2023 09:28

It's a work event of sorts? You would be reasonable to make a complaint about her behaviour at work, if you chose to do so.

IheardYouButDontWantToAnswer · 01/07/2023 09:30

What a twat that person is. She must have shown herself up. Was she extremely drunk, or just a fucking moron?

Babdoc · 01/07/2023 09:36

Go up to her at work. Preferably in front of the colleagues who were present at the meal.
Put on a sympathetic smile.
“Brenda, I thought I’d better check you are ok. You were obviously drunk when you disgraced yourself at the dinner, but do be careful in future - as such disgusting behaviour could have you disciplined for workplace bullying if it gets reported to HR. I’m sure you don’t want to risk losing your job, dear. “
Gentle pat on arm. Return to your desk.

SoWhatEh · 01/07/2023 09:57

Petmis · 30/06/2023 23:39

Thanks for the messages.

She had a few drinks but I don’t think she was drunk. We work in the same place but I don’t work directly with her. However our kids go to school together (and are good friends) so I can’t avoid her for the next few years.

I know she was being a bitch, I wish I could just shrug it off. How do you stop caring about stuff like this?

Here's how you stop caring. You say to yourself (or write in a journal): what values do I look for in other people? What do I rate and admire? What sort of behaviour in others makes me assess them and think, yes, you deserve to be on my radar. I enjoy and appreciate time spent with you. What behaviours make me reassess someone and demote them socially in my mind, making me choose to spend less time with them or to keep them slightly at arm's length? Assess her against your friendship standards.

Put yourself in the control seat and be the judge. You will find she falls way below your approval bar and below your radar. This puts you in the more powerful position. When you next see her you can either be breezily civil but busy, giving off a hint of 'my opinion of you may have dropped' or you can say, 'You hit the bottle at work didn't you? You were pulling tampons out of my bag and cackling about them!'

Show her it's not you who is embarrassed by having tampons in your bag (who would be?) but her behaviour which was the source of amusement and embarrassment. If you make it clear to people their opinion of you has zero impact on your opinion of yourself, they either turn lovely or get bored and dig away at someone else.

I told DC to do this when other kids tried to bully them. Judge that person rather than letting them judge you. It's very empowering and has helped them overcome social anxiety and given them confidence to be themselves, to attract friends who appreciate them for who they are.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/07/2023 10:02

Kitkatbar2018 · 30/06/2023 23:45

Call her out on her immaturity, say things like did you mean to say that, or tgars a bit nasty, or literally are you 10 laughing at tampons. Call her out rather than accepting it, throw it back at her. Cunts like that get away with it because they pick on people who won't say anything and you can choose to be the one that says something or stats quiet. Sadly Cunts like this just don't die out and you can't spend next few years tolerating this bitch.

This. You can’t be passive or people pleasing with people like this.

PrueRamsay · 01/07/2023 10:08

This is bizarre behaviour.

I agree with tackling her in workplace. Ask her if she’s OK as her behaviour was really weird and worrying. If she needs help, here’s the Employee Support phone number.