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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can my husband take half?

70 replies

MelissaStrawberry1 · 30/06/2023 08:03

please help me!
currently with husband and I’m sick to my stomach of his attitude, laziness and this joke that we call a marriage.
he does absolutely nothing and has the nerve to criticise everything I do and nothing good enough for him.
I do not want to be with him at all, but it gets tricky?
he is off sick, and won’t be returning to work ever I do not think.
Due to this i have a mortgage on my own in my name and we have 2 children.
I want to divorce him but is he entitled to half?
he is the spiteful type that would take half of everything, and if he can, I can’t leave him as i can’t afford to remortgage or sell my house, it’s my home with the kids.

in begging for nice answers, no judgement etc, I’m aware of how shit the situation is etc so please I’m just asking for advice.

OP posts:

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 30/06/2023 08:07

Yes, he can take half of everything you have.

Probationnotontarget · 30/06/2023 08:10

No he can’t - he has a duty to house his children.

Dependent on need you may have a 20/80 split or it maybe he says in the house until the youngest leaves school -

See a solicitor - if he doesn’t have a job then his share will go in his living costs and he’ll lose out on benefits - check entitled to for your own as a single woman.

Kilopascal · 30/06/2023 08:14

Does he do childcare, and would he be likely to be seen as their primary carer?

If so, you might want to change that.

PonyPatter44 · 30/06/2023 08:17

You need proper legal advice from a real solicitor. Yes, it costs money, but trust me, its worth every penny. He won't automatically get 50%, but as another PP said, you need to be very careful if he is the default carer for the children. How old are they?

Original poster

MelissaStrawberry1 · 30/06/2023 08:19

I really appreciate the replies!
daughter is 14 from a prev relationship and son is 8 months.
hes too lazy to want to have his son etc so I don’t really worry about that. I’m currently a nurse so longer shifts but less days a week, working on higher paid shifts so I do less, so only 2 shifts a week currently.

OP posts:

AHugeTinyMistake · 30/06/2023 08:22

He could take half yes, but half now is better than half in five years time and much better than ten years time.

You will fly without the dead weight and you'll have time to build up your savings and equity maybe in a new property that has only ever been yours and DH will not set foot in.

Don't hang onto the house for sentimental reasons if it is going to be a struggle to pay for.

sevenbyseven · 30/06/2023 08:22

He won't automatically get half - it'll be decided based on need. And unless his health actually prevents him from working, he'll be expected to return to work to maximise his earnings. Best to get some legal advice though.

Missingmyusername · 30/06/2023 08:22

hes too lazy to want to have his son etc so I don’t really worry about that. - You be surprised how fast that mindset changes when faced with nowhere to live.
Who paid bills? Etc

See a solicitor. He will definitely not be walking away with nothing.

OhmygodDont · 30/06/2023 08:24

You need proper legal advice. He could get over half if he makes a case as being a stay at home dad primary care giver.

You need to be making steps to make sure he can’t claim primary care giver to stand a chance of him not taking the majority let alone just 50/50.

How long was/is the marriage also plays a part.

Original poster

MelissaStrawberry1 · 30/06/2023 08:25

im going to speak to a solicitor, thank you everyone.
even though the mortgage is only mine I no oils be expected to give him something?
honestly I just don’t want to uproot my kids, it will be hard enough with me leaving his lazy deadbeat ass, let alone moving them.

OP posts:

OhmygodDont · 30/06/2023 08:26

Yup even though it’s only your name it’s a marital asset to be discussed during a separation.

sevenbyseven · 30/06/2023 08:27

The length of the relationship and marriage has some bearing too. But unless it's a very short marriage and you owned the house already it's likely to be considered a marital asset, therefore part of the "pot" that will be shared in divorce.

Soontobe60 · 30/06/2023 08:28

How long have you been together? Was the house yours before you met? These things can make a difference.

EvilElsa · 30/06/2023 08:29

I would just go and see a professional in real life rather than get pages full of conflicting and sometimes incorrect answers on here that will worry you.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/06/2023 08:30

The quick answer is yes, marital assets are 50/50

The longer answer is that circumstances will apply such as where the children will be etc and could affect that split. You need legal advice.

CindersAgain · 30/06/2023 08:30

The ideal is that you both end up with a good standard of living. The length of marriage and needs of the children would be taken into account.
You need legal advice.

CindersAgain · 30/06/2023 08:30

Sorry, not clear, I mean the legal aim is for you to both maintain close to the standard of living you have now.

Livinghappy · 30/06/2023 08:33

Length of marriage is relevant, plus your ages and earning potential. Does he claim disability benefits?

BettySwallocks · 30/06/2023 08:33

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 30/06/2023 08:07

Yes, he can take half of everything you have.

Totally not true
So much depends on what percentage of house was owned pre wedding
50/50 split is very rare
Plus if he isn't on the mortgage or deeds this reduces it too

HowcanIhelp123 · 30/06/2023 08:39

He's your husband, he will get a fair split of assets. How much that is depends on lots of factors including how long you've been together and needs of kids. Married for 2 years is very different to married for 20. In short marriages you're much more likely to walk away with what you came in with.

You don't want to be with him, you'll leave him sooner or later. Even if he's entitled to half your house equity now, he will still be entitled to half your equity (or more) in 5 years when that equity is larger, he's been out of work for more years, his earning potential dipped and you've gained more pension. Staying due to money is false economy.

WomanFromTheNorth · 30/06/2023 08:39

Being on the mortgage deeds is irrelevant if they are married. Don't give out false legal advice.

See a solicitor OP. The starting point is 50/50 - but the needs of the children are very important and this can change things. The main thing for you is that he doesn't try to make out he's a stay at home dad who does all the childcare.

Nordicrain · 30/06/2023 08:51

Yes, he could. But you need legal advice on his chances for that and what you can do to keep as much of the assets are you can.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/06/2023 08:53

The thing is is whatever he takes, it will be less today than in 5 years time. The 'half' or whatever the decision is will be the same today or in 10 years.
So, your choices are to leave as soon as possible; or stay with him forever if you don't want him getting any of your money.

PrueRamsay · 30/06/2023 08:58

How long have you been married? Did you own the house before you married?

It seems probable you will have to buy him out of a share of the house, yes. Possibly not 50%.

I don’t want to upset you further, but if he is genuinely unable to work, this could make things more difficult for you.

Definitely get proper legal advice. Do you have pensions? Savings? These will also be considered part of the pot that will be under consideration for sharing.

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 30/06/2023 09:01

BettySwallocks · 30/06/2023 08:33

Totally not true
So much depends on what percentage of house was owned pre wedding
50/50 split is very rare
Plus if he isn't on the mortgage or deeds this reduces it too

Show quote history

Goodness, do some reading. I think you'll have a bit of a rude awakening.

A marriage certificate is a contract and by default everything is owned 50/50 therefore by default he is entitled to 50% of all assets. It's where the court will start and the OP will have an expensive job proving he is entitled to less.

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