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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gaeilge

48 replies

Chickenkeev · 29/06/2023 23:32

My husband hates my talking it, tbf he doesn't speak it but it is the natural language of my my family. It's not dissing him or slagging him off, it's more making an effort for them iyswim. And i sometimes listen to songs in the language and he takes it as an insult. I think tbh he's struck that he hasn't a clue. But i can't teach him, i'm not a teacher. But i know he feels it. Am rambling, sorry.

OP posts:
EVHead · 29/06/2023 23:36

Is he feeling excluded around you and your family because you’re speaking it?

GettingStuffed · 29/06/2023 23:36

Of course you can teach him. Start with everyday words and phrases then expand. Like tea, cup of tea, cup of tea with sugar going on to Would you like a cup of tea etc. This will only work if he's prepared to learn though.

FuppingEll · 29/06/2023 23:39

You'd get along well with my 16yo ds. He will rarely speak to me in anything else. Him and dd love the fact they are fluent and me and dh aren't, they do almost certainly talk shit about us though.

Bakedbeansandtoast · 29/06/2023 23:41

DH and family also speak it. I have learnt a bit. DH isnt a teacher but you can learn words for this and that and can teach words for the basics. It's not rude if you want to listen to music etc but it is if you speak it in front of him when you have a common language that is understood by everyone else.

KimberleyClark · 29/06/2023 23:41

I speak Welsh. DH has never minded me speaking Welsh to my family.

ChocChipHandbag · 29/06/2023 23:42

He’s your husband. How has he only just noticed this?

Mayorquimby2 · 29/06/2023 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 29/06/2023 23:44

GettingStuffed · 29/06/2023 23:36

Of course you can teach him. Start with everyday words and phrases then expand. Like tea, cup of tea, cup of tea with sugar going on to Would you like a cup of tea etc. This will only work if he's prepared to learn though.

He will never learn it. Tbf he had the absolute worst of it in school. he actually has the fear if i speak a few words. Christian brothers.

OP posts:
VeniVidiWeeWee · 29/06/2023 23:46

@Chickenkeev

Do you really not understand what it's like to be deliberately excluded from a conversation?

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 29/06/2023 23:51

Bakedbeansandtoast · 29/06/2023 23:41

DH and family also speak it. I have learnt a bit. DH isnt a teacher but you can learn words for this and that and can teach words for the basics. It's not rude if you want to listen to music etc but it is if you speak it in front of him when you have a common language that is understood by everyone else.

My hisband is allergic. The crappy teachers did such a job on him as a kid. The irony is he has a great 'ear' for languages so he would have been great. But they literally beat the chance of out national language out of him. It gives me the absolute rage to think what was done to him tbh. Bastards.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickenkeev · 29/06/2023 23:53

VeniVidiWeeWee · 29/06/2023 23:46

@Chickenkeev

Do you really not understand what it's like to be deliberately excluded from a conversation?

Well, i do, that was my point, apologies if i'm not getting your point.

OP posts:
VeniVidiWeeWee · 30/06/2023 00:00

@Chickenkeev

No, you don't. To quote your original post, "It's not dissing him."
It really is if he can't contribute to the conversation.

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:02

VeniVidiWeeWee · 30/06/2023 00:00

@Chickenkeev

No, you don't. To quote your original post, "It's not dissing him."
It really is if he can't contribute to the conversation.

He's asleep downstairs. Will i go and wake him for you,

OP posts:
VeniVidiWeeWee · 30/06/2023 00:06

Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:02

He's asleep downstairs. Will i go and wake him for you,

Show quote history

Why on earth would you do that?

If you are having conversations with other people in a language he doesn't understand then, in my opinion, you are "dissing" him.

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:07

VeniVidiWeeWee · 30/06/2023 00:00

@Chickenkeev

No, you don't. To quote your original post, "It's not dissing him."
It really is if he can't contribute to the conversation.

And tbh i don't know why i couldn't or shouldn't advocate for my husband. He"'s done it for me and i didn't get up my hole about it. I appreciated it all the way. We're all different i suppose.

OP posts:
VintageBlossomHill · 30/06/2023 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow - you’re very bigoted.

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:11

VeniVidiWeeWee · 30/06/2023 00:00

@Chickenkeev

No, you don't. To quote your original post, "It's not dissing him."
It really is if he can't contribute to the conversation.

I obviously was not clear. I do not speak the language in front of him. I don't speak Polish and I don't speak French in front of him. Imo that's rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:23

KimberleyClark · 29/06/2023 23:41

I speak Welsh. DH has never minded me speaking Welsh to my family.

I'd love to learn welsh :)

OP posts:
EBearhug · 30/06/2023 00:29

I have a friend whose Irish was pretty much beaten out of him at school (as I discovered when I asked him some questions about grammar, comparing it to Welsh.) I think if he went through that, I can understand where he's coming from.

However, if you're not speaking it to the children when he's there, then he's not actually being excluded, and he's being unreasonable to complain about it when it's only when he's not there.

Not sure how you come to an agreement, mind.

TalkingSchist · 30/06/2023 00:32

A few things are making me feel … odd about this.

One is your username.

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:36

As far as i can understand it, irish isn't about grammar. It's a song. My dad was a native speaker but got turned down for the EU because he had no grammar skills.

OP posts:
TalkingSchist · 30/06/2023 00:38

TalkingSchist · 30/06/2023 00:32

A few things are making me feel … odd about this.

One is your username.

Apologies, I don’t think you are who I thought.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/06/2023 00:43

I think bearing in mind the backstory of what happened to him at school, I can understand why the language is very triggering for him.

But then it’s your native language, so I can see why you want to speak it!

Im a bit on the fence tbh so maybe ignore me.

Original poster
Chickenkeev · 30/06/2023 00:44

TalkingSchist · 30/06/2023 00:32

A few things are making me feel … odd about this.

One is your username.

Well, i eat chicken kievs. And i've struggled with eating of late so that's why i eat chicken kiev's. I call them chicken keevs cos that's the way the connemara people used to pronounce them fado fado when i worked in a supermarket. But yeah, secretly, i am working for russians/ ukainians and spending my time on mumsnet 🤣

OP posts:
EBearhug · 30/06/2023 00:46

Every language has grammar, though. I was asking about how it mutates at the start of words and how it uses capitalisation for that.

Not that that's actually relevant here. 😁