Have any lone parents got the perfect work/life balance?

[theresalwaysguineapigcurry]

Work full time with two primary aged kids and feel like I'm constantly chasing my tail. Got home from work at 7 and then there's washing, washing up, homework. I rarely eat tea as I cannot stop to cook.
If I cut my hours (which I can't afford anyway) I think I'd be equally stressed as these things are pretty much daily tasks.
Weekends are just as full on apart from Sunday when they're with their dad and sometimes I catch up, but rarely. Sometimes I go out or see friends and would feel miserable sacrificing this to stay in and do housework.
Help!

Do not EVER feel guilty for using that Sunday just for you. I’m fact, I’d treat it as absolutely necessary and prioritise it over everything. The only way I can manage working full time with 3dc is to protect my child free time and do with it exactly as I please. sometimes I just stay in bed until lunchtime, walk the dog and then have a cup of tea with friends and that’s it.

My daily routine is:
up at 7am feed pets then 30 mins just for me to chill.
kids up 7.30. Bags etc all done night before/up to them depending on age
All shower dress get bfast etc leave house 8.20
robot hoover comes on 8.25, if we are still there when he starts we know we are late!

Get home about 6. Everyone in, bags shoes coats away lunchboxes in dishwasher, strip off and uniform/work clothes wash basket contents into machine. Get dressed for clubs if that’s what we’re doing. Comfies if not or sometimes jamas.

Kids have normally eaten but if they haven’t I will stick something quick on depending on whether we have any clubs. Or maybe a decent snack for them if we are shooting out again. Eg heat up pasta dish from freezer or a sarnie for a snack. Spend next couple of hours running around to clubs.

Home by 8, load dishwasher from tea (or eat tea)
put washing in tumble drier
kids to bed by 9
quick tidy round downstairs, make lunches for tomorrow and check what activities they have/whether I’m in office or at home
bed for me by 10 latest.

repeat Monday-Friday. Cleaner for 2 hours a week Friday mornings.

Doesn’t always work perfectly but we get most things done.

I like the routine if I’m honest.

Yes but I have a 15 year old so it's much easier than primary age as I don't need childcare. DS gets to and from school himself.

I do a 38 hour week, 8am-4.30pm with a half hour lunch break, working from home Mondays and Thursdays. On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays I go into the office. My mum doesn't work Tuesdays so she comes to mine in the afternoon to keep DS company for a bit. On Fridays I work 8am-2pm so I can be home before DS gets home from school.

Ideal for us and then on Fridays when I get home I crack on with chores so the weekends are free.

I worked as a consultant when my kids were in primary school. I had before and after school childcare. Usually got home about 6/6.30pm later if I needed to do a top up shop. Cooking, whilst loading washing machine etc. kids generally were in bed for 8.30pm, 9pm by yr6. Then it would be tumble dryer on, ironing and getting bags ready for the morning. Weekends - Saturday morning was cleaning. Sunday night prepping for the next week. Relentless tbh. I retrained as a teacher while my youngest was still in primary - it wasn’t easy. PGCE wasn’t hard but the amount of time you need to dedicate to it was almost impossible. I worked as a teacher for 2 years, benefits were the school holidays and early finishes, downside was the evening work and lack of flexibility term time. Also exhausting - I did secondary teaching in a hard school. I’m now working in higher education. There’s more flexibility although less holidays, my children are also older so it’s easier in that they can be at home on their own for an hour after school. I don’t envy you, my only advice is make the most of the time you have together. Buy some extra school uniform so that you do one uniform wash on weekend, leave the dishes some nights and go and play in the park. When they are a bit older get your kids to do some chores. I still put a timer on and get mine to do a 10 or 20 minute run around picking up stuff. It makes a difference when you have little helpers. Good luck.

I am the same as you. 2 DC one in wraparound care and work 36 hours a week. During week we are going to and from clubs and visiting elderly parents. At weekend we are doing food shop, cleaning the house and washing etc
It's exhausting and not much time to do anything fun like go to a museum or a weekend away.
I need to de clutter my home and do some decorating but no time to do it

I'm self employed and work part time from home but it's still tough with the school run, work, cleaning, after school clubs, house and life admin, running my own business etc. Looking forward to not having to do the school run twice a day from next year when DD goes to 2ndary. Might make a bit of difference.

My feeling is if you don't have to work full time then cut down a bit, I don't think you should kill yourself trying to stay on top of everything if you can avoid it. I realise not everyone is in this position but as I have zero help and was going mad (mentally ill) doing too much I had to take a step back.

I would also say if there are any labour saving devices or things you can cut down on a bit then do it. e.g. get a dishwasher, change bedding every 10 days or two weeks rather than one, robot hoover, week ahead uniform and meal and packed lunch prep on a sunday, and of course declutter like mad because it is much easier to keep clean when decluttered. I for example shower every other day rather than every day (wash pits and bits in the sink etc in between). I realise this is not ideal but when you're so pushed for time these kind of things make a big difference. I also set myself a daily task of declutter one small area (e.g. a drawer) and do one life admin task taking 1 minute so less likely to build up. Things like Xmas I honestly start in january and go through the year to avoid the xmas freakout. And lowering your standards a bit is super helpful.

Oh and the school homework for primary aged kids - is it really necessary to do this with them? secondary I understand but not sure primary is necessary. might be worth a word with the teacher!

No, I'm struggling a bit if I'm honest, I have 3 children, 2 at primary and 1 at secondary. Up until now I've been working 3 days a week and at college/studying on the others. In the evenings I drive the kids to various activities, help with homework etc and then I try to take them out on the weekends that they are with me or else it feels as though all our time together is just the mundane day to day routine and no fun time. When they are with their dad I spend most of the time procrastinating about catching up with the housework but getting very little done!

I'm about to increase my hours, going full time and am really worried about generally coping with work life balance.

I have recently got a cleaner, 3 hours a week which has been a big help. I try now to have a quick tidy up each evening before bed so that the house never gets too bad but I'm sometimes to otired. I really need to get on top of meal planning and prep. I might try gusto or hello fresh as I tend to get in after work and have no idea what to cook and we all end up eating a cobbled together dinner that isn't the healthiest. Or I might try to batch cook a load of meals for the freezer when the kids are with their Dad (If I ever get around to defrosting the freezer). I would love to find a hobby for myself for the time the kids are at their Dad's but I don't know what I would enjoy doing., that sounds ridiculous but it's true. I used to love reading and was a member of a book club before I dad a single parent but I just don't have any enthusiasm for it at the moment.

I've got into the swing of things. Fully remote job, core hours 10 til 2. My routine in term time is: Mon Weds Fri drop DC at breakfast club, walk to pool, swim until 9.45, work from leisure center cafe 10 am until 12 pm, exercise class until 1 pm. Working lunch and work until 2.45. Walk to school, pick up DC. Play with them/feed them/bath and bed at 8. Pack lunches, clean dinner, laundry. Open laptop and work from 9 til 11. Sleep.
Tues and thurs: drop at breakfast club, catch up on housework for an hour. Work 9 am til 12. Leisurely lunch. Work until 3. Pick up. Play/feed/bath and bed 8. Pack lunches, clean dinner, laundry. Work for one hour and then either early night or read/watch TV.
Its pretty rigid but the time management let's me get it all done.

If you can get a remote job; I'd say go for it. There's no way I'd be on top of things otherwise.

I’m not technically a lone parent in that my kids go to their dads two nights a month, but I do all of the actual parenting. Mine are also primary age and my youngest is a real handful with some send.

I couldn’t make full time work for our family, and I constantly felt that none of us had down time, and that I was spending all my free time working.

I now do a part time job 2 days per week on set days with childcare.

And on top of that I do some self employed work which I fit in round life and personal time. Eg I might drop the kids to school, do a couple of hours, go to Pilates, go to the supermarket, pick the kids up, make dinner and then do another hour once they’re on bed. I try to plan my time so I do this term time only as much as possible, and I have no childcare costs those days so it’s all profit even though not many hours.

I am really fortunate that I was in a position in my career, and had enough house equity etc when we split that I’ve been able to make this work. I know that it’s not feasible for everyone and that I’m very lucky.

Day to day two things which make the biggest difference for me are:

having a cleaner 2 hours per week, and all working together to do a tidy on cleaning day. Whilst I still have to wipe surfaces or put on the dishwasher I have so much less to do. I can’t remember the last time I cleaned the bathroom.

Prioritising time for me. Once the kids are in bed I don’t do any chores if I’ve worked in the day, and when they’re with their dad I’ll only do specific jobs ( eg I might spend the day painting a room but I don’t clean up spilt weetabix). It took me a while to work out how to do this but I’m now good at sorting out in the evenings before they go to bed and in the mornings of days with their dad so that this doesn’t cause too much havoc.

Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for but that’s the best balance for us. Still not perfect and we occasionally end up with toast for dinner, but it doesn’t feel as hard as it might.

I have 2 and worked full-time when they were this age. I didn't have the one day off either because their dad lives in a different country.

What worked for me:
Strict times for everything - wake up, school, snack, bed etc was scheduled and stuck to

Batch cook - no making food from scratch after work

I never did homework with them - homework is for them, not for me. I'm happy for them to get it wrong, it means teachers know where they actually are struggling. Both are in top sets in everything and self directed in their study now. Sit them down to do their homework while you get on with something else.

Teach them to do things - tidying their room is their job and must be done, taking turns to do the dishes while you sweep up, making little snacks, etc It will become second nature to care for themselves and their things.

It's perfectly doable. You just have to be strict with the time you allocate to things.

Oh, I’d also add because other people have written how much they like the routine.

I absolutely and totally loath everything being so regimented. It is by far and away my least favourite part of single parenting (well, that and cleaning the inside of the car) .

I really miss the spontinaity of being able to go for food and a glass of wine on a Tuesday evening after work for example, but I can’t work out a way to single parent without combusting with stress without the routine.

so keeping my eyes out on this thread for useful tips👀

I think routine is something I need to be better with. Bedtime just seems to stretch on for hours and hours, any tips on how to make it easier and quicker?!

@NeedSleepNow
'Bedtime just seems to stretch on for hours and hours, any tips on how to make it easier and quicker?!'

How old are they? If you treat bedtime like school time, that is none negotiable / none flexible, it becomes easier to manage. The problem like you said, may be your work hours when you get home at 7pm. At primary school age, mine's bedtime was 7pm. So 5:45 to 7 was chill, dinner, bed time routine. It worked quite well that I would be totally free from 7:30pm, having washed up an tidied up and could go out again when needed (babysitter home of course) as they were fast asleep.

Whatever time your bedtime routine is, you have to set it at that, no personal screens about an hour before, watching something lazy on TV if TV needed, do a proper bedtime routine which happens every single day including weekends.

@Namechangedforthis2244 I totally feel you with the regimented existence. Children seem to do well with it though, knowing what to expect and all that.

@insideoutsider yes I totally agree with you. With two involved parents I think it’s feasible to do fixed routine for the kids, more flexibility for the adults. But with single parenting routine is a bit our life!

@Namechangedforthis2244 I'm quite similar in that too much routine sends me bonkers so I think you need to find a balance and go with the flow a lot. I often get too tired to do the meal prep, clean house on a specific day, uniforms etc so think nothing of leaving it until another day if I am too exhausted. That for me is "management" as much as a routine is. We are not all super humans. I also think giving yourself a break if you need to is perfectly fine, that could mean frozen pizza and sticking DC in front of the TV or computer games all day, or I am known to occasionally allow the DC the day off school if things get too much and I can't face the school run. Yes I realise this will be controversial for some and is never more than once or twice a year but to me my sanity is more important for me and the kids than getting them to school or whatever. If I didn't do this then I would honestly go mad which is much worse for all of us.

I’m just coming out of ten years of this: my DD is going into year 8 and I am largely remote so my life has become much more manageable in the past 18 months.

It is gruelling: there’s no dodging this, particularly if you have to work in a physical location.

I personally would sacrifice housework for homework. I will keep my home as clean as possible and I have a cleaner but I’m not spending a precious hour a day tidying. As long as it’s clean enough to be sanitary that will do me until the weekend. Homework is their future and is much more important.

I also use Gousto (101 similar services are available) which is a huge help. It takes away some of the mental load and I've tried lots of new recipes. I only have to nip to the corner shop for cupboard/fridge essentials like milk/butter/eggs/bread.

And the '10 minute meals' genuinely only take 10 mins to cook.

I am a widowed lone parent of ten years so absolutely never any break for me, but it has got easier over the years as my children are much older now.
My advice would be try to do the best you can but know you can't do everything. Society just expects a one parent family to keep up with two on every level.
I learnt a long time ago not to sweat the small stuff, a messy house is not the end of the world, just meet up with friends outdoors, so much easier. Even though l feel exhausted most of the time l never take it out on my sons, it's not their fault their Dad died. A calm peaceful home makes such a difference, even if it is abit untidy. Gardening has kept me sane, you need to find something that lights up your soul, otherwise life can feel very tedious and monotonous. It feels like forever at the time but the years do pass, children grow up and become a lot more independent and you get more time back for yourself. I used to tell myself this is just a stage of my life where it feels like work, work and work but it will get easier, and it did.

@insideoutsider my three are aged 6, 10 and 14. I have really struggled with the bedtime routine since becoming a single parent. I did everything anyway when there were two of us so I don't know why I'm finding it such a struggle now that it is just me! The kids and I are all home by 5.15pm each day but then we have to go back out to clubs, sometimes these finish at 6.30, sometimes 7.30 and then 9pm on a Friday night. I try to get my younger two in bed at the same time, I usually aim for around 8pm but it often is a lot later, the youngest generally goes to sleep straight away and then the older reads in bed for a little while. My 14 year old never seems to be tired in the evenings and would happily stay awake until 11.30 but I try to get him in to bed for 9/9.30 and he then reads until tired around 10/10.30pm.

I definitely need to be a bit stricter with the bedtime routine. I think it would make my life a lot easier if I had a bit more time in the evenings to have a quick tidy up and get things ready for the next day.

I'm trying hard to get the kids involved and helping out around the house a bit more. I'm trying to get them to see that we need to work as a little team to make everything a bit easier at home for each other, things like keeping rooms tidy, helping load the dishwasher, packing school bags, polishing their school shoes etc. They are rather reluctant but I'm persevering!

I will definitely give gousto a try. 10 minutes meals that are actually just 10 minutes sounds amazing, my kids are always starving after school and I make the mistake of not having anything ready or planned for dinner when we get in, then they snack and don't want dinner by the time I have actually made it!

When I was on my own and children were at primary age I did take an hours and pay cut, which actually wasn't as painful as feared due to relative tax etc. You think 'half' for eg but it's not only half the wage. It kept me sane also building in my own time. It was essential without family around to be involved

@NeedSleepNow it's stuff like chicken/beef/pork/shrimp/tofu and vegetable stir fry with egg noodles or ravioli (various stuffings) and a really simple creamy or tomato based sauce