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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who should pay

36 replies

IneedanewTV · 28/06/2023 19:16

Been with my partner for many years but we do not live together for various reasons. We will, once the various kids have left for uni. So he earns about a third more than me. We both have mortgages, kids etc.

His best friend is celebrating a big birthday next month and has invited us to a hotel to celebrate over a weekend. The birthday boy will pay for a meal but we are paying for our hotel room.

am I being unreasonable to expect my partner to cover the total cost of the room rather than expecting me to pay 50%? It’s his friend after all. If we were to split up his friend would not keep in touch with me.

OP posts:

OhComeOnFFS · 28/06/2023 19:17

I agree with you but I think it'll probably cause a bun fight on here.

Anklespraying · 28/06/2023 19:19

Only one person can check in and pay. Make sure it's not you.

JenniferBarkley · 28/06/2023 19:22

Sounds like a nice night away, I would've thought 50/50 if that's how you run things. I would've thought more a case of taking things turn about and letting it all shake out in the wash, so whosever turn it is?

Pippa12 · 28/06/2023 19:22

How have you done things previously? I can definitely see you point, but if you generally pay your way I can see them being blindsided that your not splitting the bill?

I suppose you wouldn’t be getting a free meal off birthday boy if your partner hadn’t invited you?

QueSyrahSyrah · 28/06/2023 19:23

Well you could just not go, then he'd be saddled with 100% of the room, he might even get a lower sole occupancy rate.

Wouldn't ever occur to me not to split a hotel room 50/50 unless it was something I actively did not want to go to but had to for some reason.

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 28/06/2023 19:23

Share the cost of the hotel but he buys the birthday gift...

Whaleandsnail6 · 28/06/2023 19:26

I think 50/50, you are still going to enjoy a nice night away with your partner, even if it is his friend and you wouldnt go without him.

Unless you always cover the expenses if you do anything with your friends or family.

pigsDOfly · 28/06/2023 19:26

It's his friend and you wouldn't be getting an invitation in your own right so you're staying at the hotel at the invitation of your partner, therefore he should pay.

And given that he earns more than you I think he's being cheeseparing and mean spirited to expect you to pay anything at all, let alone 50%.

JenniferBarkley · 28/06/2023 19:26

JenniferBarkley · 28/06/2023 19:22

Basically what I'm saying is that I don't think it matters that it's his friend, I think just do whatever you do for nights away.

musixa · 28/06/2023 19:27

I'm assuming there is no precedent for this situation in your relationship.

If you are only going for his sake, to be in the background while he socialises, he should be paying for it. If this is a mutual social occasion, split it.

veryfluffyfluff · 28/06/2023 19:30

What do you normally do for nights away?

NotOnYourNellies · 28/06/2023 19:33

50/50 for me , it’s irrelevant what he earns you will both equally enjoy it
Or decide on a cheaper room

RunningUpThatMill · 28/06/2023 19:45

Can you afford to pay half? If so, I would've said 50/50. If not, you need to explain that to him - I would then expect him to pay if he wanted me to go.

Whichclubisittonight · 28/06/2023 19:50

Have you ever been to a wedding/party for one of your family members or friends since you‘ve been together, and if so, who paid for the room?

If it was you (because I doubt your family member would keep in touch with him if you split up) then that has set a precedent and he should pay. If you went halves, them do that this time.

Personally, I would split it, unless he is dragging you there kicking and screaming and you‘re doing him a massive favour by going.

LtotheOG · 28/06/2023 19:50

50/50.

TidyDancer · 28/06/2023 19:51

I would offer 50/50 but I think the previous suggestion of him solely paying for the birthday present is fair.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 28/06/2023 19:52

I'd split it 50/50 as either way it's a nice night away with my DP and we have both been invited.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/06/2023 19:53

It’s irrelevant if you wouldn’t see the friend again if you split up. You HAVEN’T split up and ARE going, so it’s 50/50.

If you didn’t want to go and he was trying to persuade you, then maybe it’s fair that he paid it all.

Gytgyt · 28/06/2023 19:55

How long exactly have you been dating? Agree with others..

Merryoldgoat · 28/06/2023 19:57

I don’t understand relationships like this.

You’ve been together YEARS.

Food is covered - it’s a nice night away - why wouldn’t you split it?

This place would make you think everyone is in a dysfunctional relationship.

GoodChat · 28/06/2023 19:58

I think you should split it.

If you don't want to pay, don't go.

Original poster

IneedanewTV · 28/06/2023 20:02

Thank you. That’s fine. I have no problem in paying my share now that I have read your comments. Thanks again.

OP posts:

BelleMarionette · 28/06/2023 20:03

Do you want to go? If you don't, then stay home! That way the bill would be his (but he may pay less as single occupancy)

If you want to go, I don't see why you shouldn't pay half, for what is a shared short break away. Him buying the gift would be reasonable.

solvendie · 28/06/2023 20:06

Do you want to go? If not let DP go alone and shoulder the cost. If you do, go 50:50 or chat about what you can afford to pay towards it

PurpleButterflyWings · 28/06/2023 20:12

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