Who should pay

[IneedanewTV]

Been with my partner for many years but we do not live together for various reasons. We will, once the various kids have left for uni. So he earns about a third more than me. We both have mortgages, kids etc.

His best friend is celebrating a big birthday next month and has invited us to a hotel to celebrate over a weekend. The birthday boy will pay for a meal but we are paying for our hotel room.

am I being unreasonable to expect my partner to cover the total cost of the room rather than expecting me to pay 50%? It’s his friend after all. If we were to split up his friend would not keep in touch with me.

And THIS is why I am always baffled by the 'my money is mine/me no share' relationships!!! Always have been. I know a couple (unmarried) who have been together 23 years - no kids, both early 50s - and they never share ANYthing. He earns about a third more than her too. If they have a meal out and it's £43, and HER share is £23, and his is £20, he makes sure she pays the extra £3. If he picks up something for her (from Aldi for example,) and it costs £4.50, he makes sure he gets HIS money back. How depressing.

I could not live like some people do with their separate monies, quibbling over pennies. With the one earning more than the other, (and keeping any surplus to themselves,) watching their partner/spouse go short while they squander on crap. It's the man earning more in most cases too let's be honest, and when a man IS the higher earner, he hardly ever shares. (And if he does, he deeply resents it.)

One (married) woman I know bought an Indian takeaway last week - £8 - and texted her husband of 7 years and said 'you owe me £4 now!' A woman I know at work texted her husband and asked him to get her prescription for her from Boots - 2 items. He messaged her 3 times that same day saying 'don't forget to give me my £19.30 You owe me that money blah blah blah!'

As I said, how depressing. I could not be in a relationship like this.

@IneedanewTV In this case, tell him 'his friend, his hotel bill!'

@PurpleButterflyWings your suggestion makes no sense. You don't understand how couples (living completely separately) dont have shared finances but think he should foot the whole bill?

Surely, by your reckoning, he should just be paying a third more than her?

If you want to go then it should be split 50/50 you are both going to enjoy the night. If you don’t want to go then don’t go.

Of course I make sense. In couples who have been together a long time but don't live together, one of them can still pay for stuff 100%, and not quibble over the pennies and make sure their other half gives EXACTLY 50% back. Pathetic and petty.

And yes he CAN foot the whole bill. Why should he not? Especially as it's HIS mates. Saying 'ooh he can pay a third coz he earns a third more' is also petty and ludicrous. Basically narrowing down the pennies. Pathetic.

Yanbu. If we are invited to bf friends events he pays and vi's versa

Would you go without him? I expect not as it's his friend, has he invited you? If yes then I'd expect him to pay. You're not going for a weekend away, he's taking you to a party he's been invited to.

50/50 or don't go if host means nothing to you

He earns more, and it's his friend. I'm
surprised he hasn't just booked it for you both.

This.

He sounds very tight.

I wouldn't be in a rush to move in with him.

Don't go if you don't want to pay 50:50