To ask if anyone here actually thinks a step parents wage should be considered for CMS?

[TheSpoonAndTheFork]

Because my husband's ex seems to think so and is currently enraged that I have zero plan or requirement to.

I'm fully aware that CMS do not take into account a SPs earnings and that legally she is not entitled to anything from my wages. I'm just curious as to whether more people think like her (entitled as imo) that they should take it into account.

YANBU - no it's right that CMS don't take into account a step parents earnings

YABU - they don't but they should.

No.
I think a lot of SP do pay for their SDC indirectly especially if SP shares a home with NRP. Example is paying bills for housing, food and of course little (&big) treats that are happening on contact days.
I am a SP, when SDC was younger, I did a pay for stuff like takeaways, cinema and even towards birthday and Christmas presents. Not to mention the cost (that we shared equally) for our home wher SDC stayed every other weekend and holidays.

Would I do it all again? Of course! I don't think you can have finances under a microscope when living together!

I have had this debate with my dsds mum who is absolutely pissed off that she can't claim my income in maintenance.

Piss mad. But she also has a teen and is able to work more hours - but doesn't feel like she should have to (her words)

My dh pays way above the cms calculation and isn't a high earner (but that hasn't changed since she was with him tbh) as his income has stayed steadily the same. He also has never missed a payment or reduced maintenance regardless of what is "allowed" (I think the rules about other children are bullshit tbh)

She randomly asks for £500 her and there because she feels like we can afford it (not him, we) and has said well he chose to have a baby snd she's jealous that I have such nice house ect. I pointed out that I paid for it for my house and properties way before I married my dh.

And her response was well I was his wife first. I should come first.

I thought this was just some random quirk of hers tbh because she's usually quite reasonable. But in her opinion- me raising dsd standards of living is a insult. Rather than a good thing.

God knows what will happen when dsd leaves education... I think she thinks the money will go directly to her for life.

And her response was well I was his wife first. I should come first. ha! What?! That's bonkers

No I don’t think they should.

I’d be happy for their expenses during time at our house to be coming from joint money, but I’d not be happy for my wages to be considered when calculating CM.

*You decided to get together with someone who had children.

Therefore you take them on as your own and should contribute towards them when they’re at yours and hers, because they are now part of your family*

What planet are you on?!

OK this is falling on deaf ears. CMS is reduced when people go on to have more kids automatically all children would be taken into account. I didn't mention him doing anything wrong again not sure what end of the stick you've picked up.

A 2 parent household is no worse off even it step mother is contributing to a joint household with her partner. If you choose to date someone with kids and move in its part and parcel household costs. I'm with others though step mums wages are for her and her own kids it should be in no way part of CMS calculation at all.

Do these exes also believe that the step parents should also have more rights in the eyes of the law and family courts or is it all about the ££££

@veryfluffyfluff the mad part she's usually not that bonkers and on any other topic fairly reasonable. But not money. Never money.

I think from a human perspective (taking me out of it) I can see that this disparity in our living situations is massive. My dh bless his soul existing in my life hasn't increased my standard of living. But it has meant that because of dsd we have a connection and she sees up close a different life to the one she has.

I have no problem with how she works what hours she does, and even though maintenance and contact has never changed because of me.

The fact me and dh had a child together and that child lives in the house I paid for and that house is nicer than hers. She's fucked off. She I suppose liked the status of mum 🤷‍♀️

But she has a different view of men bring home the bacon, and women stay at home and are looked after the kids. It's just now she's expanded that to my dh( her ex) and her current husband 😵‍💫 and wanted to absorb me into that provider status.

I provide for my dsd and she sees it that her dsd are to be jointly provided for. So it maybe my fault for trying to help dsd in this regard as I opened the door..

As I said when dsd leave's education... she's gonna have a rude awakening. Not that I will be involved (but somehow by breathing, I will be blamed no doubt somehow 😅 - every story needs a villain)

@namechangenacy what on earth so she has a husband too! 😳

@Gytgyt she does 😅 I get on with both mum and her current husband and I believe he's also tired of it.

I put it down to different folk's different strokes tbh

I don't agree that step parents should be responsible for CMS payments/have income included.

I DO however think that CMS should be set at a minimum of that payable assuming the NR parent is earning national minimum wage for 40 hours a week. So for a single child who doesn't do overnights with NRP that would be around £45 a week. If the NRP does ear this - tough. They should be made to - or face the job centre. It is never in the interests of the children for the NRP to stay home to look after someone else's kids, or live off someone else money and use that to not contribute in my view.

No it shouldn't be taken into consideration generally but in limited circumstances I would support the (resident) step parent's income reducing the non resident parent's contribution where the step parent's income is very high.

The scenario I'm thinking of the dad is earning around £40k and handing over money to the mum who is married to a very rich man, she openly admits the cms is used for luxuries, she doesn't work. He wants more child contact but the rich husband could afford solicitors etc.

*You decided to get together with someone who had children.

Therefore you take them on as your own and should contribute towards them when they’re at yours and hers, because they are now part of your family*

Nope, I'll contribute to them when they are at mine, when they are at hers is her responsibility. DH is the one who contributes to both

Good grief that is awful, the woman should be ashamed of herself.
I always told my partner (at the time, now husband) that if there was ever a hint my income would be taken into account that I would be moving out.
His ex wife works sporadically at best and worked very little when their children were younger, no way was I funding her to sit on her arse all day whilst I worked like a dog.

My husbands ex thinks like this. One of her kids lives with us she pays nothing and thinks it's OK coz their is two of us. I am a step parent but I am also a parent to my own son, I don't have money to spare for what she assumes I should be doing

@DownWithBreadsticks I have to say this is really awful.

I'm so sorry your dealing with this. I would also stop paying.

You need help. You are delusional. Please stop these lies about me right now.

@Cloverforever do you know that poster or have you got the wrong thread?

@Cloverforever Ooh! Do continue 🍿

No, I don't have the wrong thread, but thanks for checking. The poster knows I am on here and will read these disgusting things she has repeatedly said about me over the last 7 years.

Just stop it, you are very wrong.. I am far from lazy and I have never contacted the CMS in my life.

Please just leave me alone and get on with your own life.

@Cloverforever I'm sorry to ask but I'm guessing other people will be thinking it.

For clarity - did you try to get the other posters income included in maintenance?

Just because it's a v random lie to come out with out of the blue.