To find clapping at funerals a little odd?

[TappingTed]

I was recently at a very very sad funeral of a young man whose sudden death was shocking and tragic. Everyone in shock and just an awful awful thing to happen. His family bravely spoke and even performed at the service. Each person got a round of applause. I was genuinely worried the coffin going behind the curtain was going to get a round of applause…
I found it very odd, but it’s been a long time since I attended a funeral so thought maybe it’s the done thing?
Then Lola in EastEnders had applause at her funeral too… so is this now a thing???

And am I being unreasonable to find it somewhat distasteful… and odd

Or is it maybe an appropriate way to show some kind of outpouring of support for the family?

Well it's certainly odd, but if it's well intentioned, like clapping on planes, then I'd go with the flow. Doesn't harm anything, but like you it would have caught me off guard.

Grief does funny things to people and I've been lucky enough but to lose anyone that is young in my life.

It's a bit weird, but whatever works for them and gets them through it

This was in TW. Correct?

I've been to a few funerals that are however tragic, a celebration of life, a thanksgiving of upbeat rememberance. I prefer this to the traditional solemn respectful order of service. I once went to a funeral where the supposedly grieving widow took a dramatic flourishing stage bow after she spoke, which has always stayed with me. Also I once went to the wrong funeral and didn't realise until the picture was placed on the coffin. At my Aunt's funeral I helped myself to the buffet with my dress tucked into my knickers.

In some cultures it's perfectly normal. I'm in the south of Italy and never been to a funeral where there hasn't been clapping, I don't think.

Sounds like scenes from four weddings and a funeral

We did it last week after the two best friends' eulogies.

It says - "we are with you, we feel the same, we understand, we loved him too" and it says "thank you for standing up there and saying that - because we know it's hard"

I was at a funeral and one of the speakers did something so warm and heartfelt that I wanted to applaud. No one did, but the atmosphere felt as though there should have been something.

The issue is there seems to be only two choices - silence or applause. We need something else for when we want to say 'amen to that' perhaps?

I see no issue

I wonder if it's the disconnect from religious services?

In the past more people would have attended church and known what the etiquette is at a service (and wouldn't clap people speaking at the front).

Nowadays there's less people that have been to services or formal occasions and would aliken it to wedding speeches or toasts in terms of frame of reference for "what to do when you hear someone talking at an event."

(I don't think less church is a bad thing at all. I've gone right off it. But just aware that people won't have it as a frame of reference for a funeral service anymore.)

Well.I have never.known it but if it brings their loved ones some comfort why not?

When my uncle died last year ( he was in his 80,s)
My other uncle his younger brother did the Eulogy and it wss very warm and funny ,and poignant in place ,s there was a,lot of laughter ,and this was in a catholic church ,I think its how he would have wanted it.

I'm fine with it. I went to a funeral just last week, and after the slide show of his life / his favorite music, everyone clapped. I just think it was to show the family that we were all with them.

Exactly this …it’s an acknowledgement .

I was at a funeral recently where the son delivering the eulogy really struggled to get through it, had to keep stopping and composing himself, but he did it. You could feel everyone willing him on. Massive round of applause at the end. Seemed right and appropriate.

I much prefer the casual funerals where friends speak and applause is given, than the many catholic requiem masses I've attended.

I think it's lovely - it's a show of support.

I don’t understand your question? What or who is TW?

Thanks for all the varied responses. I think the clapping maybe IS some kind of group response and perhaps as someone said an indication of moving away from the solemn traditions of religious services. And yes if it helps the family of the bereaved then great- but what if they too were a bit thrown like me or felt it was disrespectful? As it wasn’t or isn’t discussed and agreed on…

I was at my aunt's funeral recently and what I found surprising was that all the women were dressed smartly and in 'appropriate' clothes for the occasion - whereas several of the men (and they were late middle-aged) were in scruffy jeans. I thought "what made them do that?"

Other men were in smart, dark suits. There had been no encouragement from my cousin (my aunt's only child) to dress down.

I gave the eulogy at my mother's funeral. It was a very surreal experience. I felt like I was underwater or sleepwalking from grief. Also exhausted from a few days and nights in the hospital, keeping vigil. We're in Ireland, where funerals happen more quickly than in other parts of the world. It was during covid so all the mourners had masks on. I just took mine off to speak on the altar where I was far away from everyone. I received a round of applause and it felt comforting, like I'd hit the right note with the eulogy and that people got it. That they felt I'd done it right for Mum.

I'd find it odd I must admit, only time I have ever been at a funeral (well memorial service) was when a musician was applauded. Though I would not consider it disrespectful, in recent years seeing a funeral as a celebration and/or thanks for someone's life and all they did is something I welcome.

My dad’s best friend gave an unrehearsed eulogy at his funeral, it was humorous and touching and got a well deserved clap.

Very common in Catholic funerals in Ireland. Sometimes it's for the deceased, sometimes it's for the person who got through a tough eulogy; most often it's for both.

Why on earth would it be distasteful to applaud a life?

I do love the Irish approach to death; from what I read on mumsnet, people in the UK seem to be quite awkward about attending funerals, speaking about the dead, and now celebrating their lives.

I found Eastenders very odd with all the clapping, it’s a funeral not a performance. I have never been to a funeral IRL where this has happened.

I find it much odder when there’s no acknowledgement of speeches at funerals. I see clapping as sharing the space; sharing the process of thinking about and celebrating the person who has died; and acknowledging what a hard thing the speaker has done and how well they have captured that person. But then I hate the No clapping in churches too - especially if there’s an especially beautiful peice of music, I want to express thanks and be part of the process. It seems unnecessarily duty and etiquette over humanity not to clap to me (I am over 50 and spent my childhood and teen years in churches so this isn’t a ‘not growing up with church etiquette thing for me)