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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go for the job?

50 replies

Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:01

I’ve made a throwaway account to post this as I’d prefer to remain anonymous. It’s a bit of a long one, but I’d like to try to provide all the relevant info, sorry.
Background; DH and I have three children (16, 8 and 6). DH works two jobs, job one is Mon-Fri 0600-1430, job two Tues+Weds 1530-1900, every other Sunday 0530-0930. He often works overtime on a Saturday through summer and in winter Saturdays and Sundays are ringfenced for a ‘hobby’ (albeit one that has benefits.)
I work Monday to Saturday with Wednesdays off, 0900-1430. I do all of the school runs, after school activity runs, parents evenings etc etc.
Grandparents currently provide childcare on a Saturday on an alternating basis. I don’t drive but work and school are within 100yards of each other, a six minute walk from our house.

The business I work for is up for sale, and currently has a very interested party about to make an offer. There’s no guarantee they’ll keep the staff on (owner, me and one other who retires in August, so realistically me) and if they want to make the business work they’ll need to do most of it themselves, so shouldn’t really. I work on a self employed basis and don’t earn enough to pay tax.

I’ve been offered another job working Mon-Fri 1800-2230. It’s a very similar role, slightly less hours but slightly higher wage. I’ll be at home in the day so no need for holiday childcare (currently provided by grandparents and by DH booking AL and a bit of a nightmare) or weekend childcare, it won’t affect me continuing to do all of the housework and school runs etc. It is further away (about 4-5 miles) but I have a free bus pass (due to a disability) so no travel costs. We’ll be about £4 a week better off if I take it so no real difference money wise.

DH isn’t happy about it as he says we’ll never have any time together. Currently we get up at 0430 together, I make kids pack ups etc while he does his and we talk, then have a cuppa together and he leaves for work. He gets in at 1500 or so, takes the dogs for a walk, gets back around 1630, I’m cooking by then so he does ‘his’ household jobs/anything he needs to do for work, we eat, kids go to bed/teenager disappears around 19.30, we go to bed between 2030 and 2100. I feel it won’t really make an awful lot of difference as we hardly see each other anyway. No it’s not ideal, but in my eyes it’s better than the business selling and me being out of a job indefinitely, and it doesn’t have to be forever. Most daytime jobs I’ve looked at would mean paying for before/after school childcare.

I’m also miffed because his weekend hours were supposed to be temporary for six months to cover for someone’s absence, but he decided to keep them permanently when offered for the money without discussing with me. I’m fine with that, but I feel like it was his choice to take that time together off the table, so he now can’t be objecting to me doing the same on a smaller scale when it has so many pros. However I am totally be prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 28/06/2023 07:08

I wouldn’t want to live my life hardly ever seeing my husband. So no I wouldn’t take a job with these kind of hours that means less time together, but I also think he should look at his hours and activities.

I don’t understand your current situation, you call yourself self employed but how you describe it sounds like employment. The new company owners have responsibilities to existing employees (if that is what you are), they cannot just get rid.

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:12

Aprilx · 28/06/2023 07:08

I wouldn’t want to live my life hardly ever seeing my husband. So no I wouldn’t take a job with these kind of hours that means less time together, but I also think he should look at his hours and activities.

I don’t understand your current situation, you call yourself self employed but how you describe it sounds like employment. The new company owners have responsibilities to existing employees (if that is what you are), they cannot just get rid.

I essentially contract long term for a sole trader. I invoice for my hours and am paid weekly.

OP posts:
SittinOnTheDock · 28/06/2023 07:13

Yes it doesn't sound like HMRC would agree you are self employed!

I'd look for another job with daytime hours and use childcare.

springtome · 28/06/2023 07:14

I am with your husband to be honest. You will Harsley see each other. If you don't finish work till 10.30 I can't imagine you will still be getting up at 4.30 with him. So you will have about an hour when he gets home before you need to leave for work to eat? Then he will likely be asleep by the time you get home.

I know many families do this, especially to avoid childcare to make ends meet, but you don't have the childcare issue.

Keep looking for another job, one that is right for your family.

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:15

SittinOnTheDock · 28/06/2023 07:13

Yes it doesn't sound like HMRC would agree you are self employed!

I'd look for another job with daytime hours and use childcare.

I’m registered as self employed and HMRC are well aware of the situation. I file a tax return every year. That’s a non-issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:18

SittinOnTheDock · 28/06/2023 07:13

Yes it doesn't sound like HMRC would agree you are self employed!

I'd look for another job with daytime hours and use childcare.

Paying for childcare isn’t an option financially, and grandparents wouldn’t be prepared to do Mon-Fri childcare, which I completely get.

OP posts:
Probationnotontarget · 28/06/2023 07:21

Have you asked about your role in the new company? I would seek that before deciding on the new role. If the children’s re at school could you trail both?

Spiderpl · 28/06/2023 07:21

Posters aren’t wrong that HMRC would and should consider you an employee, simply paying your tax doesn’t mean they accept your situation, they simply haven’t looked into it. It isn’t a risk for you, more for your employer since they’re the ones who have benefited.

On your actual question- I think you should take the job, it makes sense. I’d first make sure you know if new place will keep you on though. If you really are self employed then it’s fine as you can just contract yourself out.

Whataretheodds · 28/06/2023 07:24

Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:15

I’m registered as self employed and HMRC are well aware of the situation. I file a tax return every year. That’s a non-issue.

Show quote history

You're potentially doing yourself out of severance pay (if the new owners do make you redundant) and pension contributions.

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:26

Spiderpl · 28/06/2023 07:21

Posters aren’t wrong that HMRC would and should consider you an employee, simply paying your tax doesn’t mean they accept your situation, they simply haven’t looked into it. It isn’t a risk for you, more for your employer since they’re the ones who have benefited.

On your actual question- I think you should take the job, it makes sense. I’d first make sure you know if new place will keep you on though. If you really are self employed then it’s fine as you can just contract yourself out.

I’ve been self employed for 16 years, HMRC know all the ins and outs. I’m very definitely self employed.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 28/06/2023 07:26

On the job offer, I think you need to sit down together and look at the hours and income - he doesn't want you to work the evenings but he's working on the weekend which wasn't planned and taking both days for a hobby (without you and the kids?).

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:28

Whataretheodds · 28/06/2023 07:24

You're potentially doing yourself out of severance pay (if the new owners do make you redundant) and pension contributions.

Show quote history

I have a private pension and severance pay isn’t an issue. I’ve been self employed for a long time as it’s always been more beneficial to me that way.

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 28/06/2023 07:28

I don't know why posters are nit-picking about whether you're self-employed or not Confused

Anyway, I think your DH needs to look at his hours and hobbies before complaining that you don't have any time together Wink

ChrisPPancake · 28/06/2023 07:28

Who will be looking after dc Tuesday and Wednesday evenings?

Serena73 · 28/06/2023 07:32

I used to work 3 nights a week at a similar time. Although it seems fine on paper it was quite tiring having to go to work at the end of the day after doing everything else. More so than the other way round! It can be done but it’s not ideal.

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:32

ChrisPPancake · 28/06/2023 07:28

Who will be looking after dc Tuesday and Wednesday evenings?

MIL would do Tuesday from 1700 when I would need to leave and my parents would take them straight from school on a Wednesday and give them dinner. MIL lives a five minute walk away and DH drives past my parents on his way home from job two so would collect them
on his way back. Both have already agreed to it if I take the job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:33

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 28/06/2023 07:28

I don't know why posters are nit-picking about whether you're self-employed or not Confused

Anyway, I think your DH needs to look at his hours and hobbies before complaining that you don't have any time together Wink

This is how I feel.

OP posts:
FlemCandango · 28/06/2023 07:36

Being self employed for tax purposes and being self employed under employment law are different things. Unless you can get someone else to do your job for you, choose your hours etc. then you may well be an "employee" and rarely is it in your best interest to be self employed certainly not on a low income. But that is not what you are asking about.

If you wanted your husband to show more care about his weekend time with you, taking an evening job is just doing the same thing you resent him for. If you want to work more companionable hours then sit down and talk it through without blame if you can. See what you both want

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:36

Probationnotontarget · 28/06/2023 07:21

Have you asked about your role in the new company? I would seek that before deciding on the new role. If the children’s re at school could you trail both?

It’s been made clear that no decision will be made until the sale is finalised and the new owner has taken over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:39

FlemCandango · 28/06/2023 07:36

Being self employed for tax purposes and being self employed under employment law are different things. Unless you can get someone else to do your job for you, choose your hours etc. then you may well be an "employee" and rarely is it in your best interest to be self employed certainly not on a low income. But that is not what you are asking about.

If you wanted your husband to show more care about his weekend time with you, taking an evening job is just doing the same thing you resent him for. If you want to work more companionable hours then sit down and talk it through without blame if you can. See what you both want

I don’t have a problem with his weekend hours or hobbies, we’re not the kind of couple who live in each other’s pockets, and he does sometimes take the children with him (it’s long hours outdoors in winter so not always suitable), I just object to him complaining when he did the exact same thing without discussion and it has less pros.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:42

FlemCandango · 28/06/2023 07:36

Being self employed for tax purposes and being self employed under employment law are different things. Unless you can get someone else to do your job for you, choose your hours etc. then you may well be an "employee" and rarely is it in your best interest to be self employed certainly not on a low income. But that is not what you are asking about.

If you wanted your husband to show more care about his weekend time with you, taking an evening job is just doing the same thing you resent him for. If you want to work more companionable hours then sit down and talk it through without blame if you can. See what you both want

I do choose my hours (they just happen to be the same hours every week, but they were my choice when I took the role on).

OP posts:
jfshu · 28/06/2023 07:47

That all sounds rather chaotic and exhausting, it seems a shame how little time you all have with each other (your DH's as well) I think my priority would be training/ retraining into roles that have more traditional hours that can afford childcare, even if it's in preparation for school years, it doesn't look very sustainable, when will family time be when they're in school?

Travelfan2021 · 28/06/2023 07:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Aprilx · 28/06/2023 07:52

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 28/06/2023 07:28

I don't know why posters are nit-picking about whether you're self-employed or not Confused

Anyway, I think your DH needs to look at his hours and hobbies before complaining that you don't have any time together Wink

It isn’t nit picking. I raised it as OP seems to think she is going to get the boot when a new business owner comes along. If she were an employee, she has protections.

Original poster
Throwaway11 · 28/06/2023 07:53

jfshu · 28/06/2023 07:47

That all sounds rather chaotic and exhausting, it seems a shame how little time you all have with each other (your DH's as well) I think my priority would be training/ retraining into roles that have more traditional hours that can afford childcare, even if it's in preparation for school years, it doesn't look very sustainable, when will family time be when they're in school?

Neither of us are wanting to retrain into other areas. We both love our jobs and couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
i know it all sounds very chaotic from the outside, but from the inside it does work well. I’m always around for the DC, they get to spend quality time with the grandparents alternately at weekends and we feel like we get enough time together that we don’t drive each other insane and we actually look forward to spending the time we do get together with each other.

OP posts: