To go for the job?

[Throwaway11]

I’ve made a throwaway account to post this as I’d prefer to remain anonymous. It’s a bit of a long one, but I’d like to try to provide all the relevant info, sorry.
Background; DH and I have three children (16, 8 and 6). DH works two jobs, job one is Mon-Fri 0600-1430, job two Tues+Weds 1530-1900, every other Sunday 0530-0930. He often works overtime on a Saturday through summer and in winter Saturdays and Sundays are ringfenced for a ‘hobby’ (albeit one that has benefits.)
I work Monday to Saturday with Wednesdays off, 0900-1430. I do all of the school runs, after school activity runs, parents evenings etc etc.
Grandparents currently provide childcare on a Saturday on an alternating basis. I don’t drive but work and school are within 100yards of each other, a six minute walk from our house.

The business I work for is up for sale, and currently has a very interested party about to make an offer. There’s no guarantee they’ll keep the staff on (owner, me and one other who retires in August, so realistically me) and if they want to make the business work they’ll need to do most of it themselves, so shouldn’t really. I work on a self employed basis and don’t earn enough to pay tax.

I’ve been offered another job working Mon-Fri 1800-2230. It’s a very similar role, slightly less hours but slightly higher wage. I’ll be at home in the day so no need for holiday childcare (currently provided by grandparents and by DH booking AL and a bit of a nightmare) or weekend childcare, it won’t affect me continuing to do all of the housework and school runs etc. It is further away (about 4-5 miles) but I have a free bus pass (due to a disability) so no travel costs. We’ll be about £4 a week better off if I take it so no real difference money wise.

DH isn’t happy about it as he says we’ll never have any time together. Currently we get up at 0430 together, I make kids pack ups etc while he does his and we talk, then have a cuppa together and he leaves for work. He gets in at 1500 or so, takes the dogs for a walk, gets back around 1630, I’m cooking by then so he does ‘his’ household jobs/anything he needs to do for work, we eat, kids go to bed/teenager disappears around 19.30, we go to bed between 2030 and 2100. I feel it won’t really make an awful lot of difference as we hardly see each other anyway. No it’s not ideal, but in my eyes it’s better than the business selling and me being out of a job indefinitely, and it doesn’t have to be forever. Most daytime jobs I’ve looked at would mean paying for before/after school childcare.

I’m also miffed because his weekend hours were supposed to be temporary for six months to cover for someone’s absence, but he decided to keep them permanently when offered for the money without discussing with me. I’m fine with that, but I feel like it was his choice to take that time together off the table, so he now can’t be objecting to me doing the same on a smaller scale when it has so many pros. However I am totally be prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable.

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the circumstances and needs must. Making hours work is his responsibility too, not just for you to fit around everyone. Ask him how he could adjust to fit around your new working hours so you have some time together. However I hope you don't all burn out and that you get some downtime not just busy time with the dc sometimes.

It isn’t nit picking. I raised it as OP seems to think she is going to get the boot when a new business owner comes along. If she were an employee, she has protections.

But it's irrelevant in terms of what she's asking.

The hobby is tied into his job in a way. He doesn’t HAVE to do it, his employer could get someone else in to do it, but he’d have to pay them where DH does it for free as it benefits him as it reduces an outgoing related to his work.
I realise as I’m typing this that it sounds very vague, but I worry if I’m more specific it will put me.

Well it is relevant as she is thinking of taking the night time job because she thinks she is going to lose the existing one. I thus asked for clarification of her employment in order to assess he current situation. Totally relevant.

I think the majority of people work fairly traditional hours and can't imagine not. I work nights and yes I'm exhausted and sometimes we are ships in the night but I've got away with no childcare costs and get to do every single drop off and pick up/illness/school holiday/school event. I can see massive benefits to what you work (although if it were me I'd prefer to do 2 x long shifts than 5 short). He's working over 50 hours a week in really weird shifts, you are having to do the majority of the child rearing and he has an issue because your new job which you have specifically found to work around the kids 'doesn't work for him'? Yeah I would be getting a bit annoyed with that.

Well it is relevant as she is thinking of taking the night time job because she thinks she is going to lose the existing one. I thus asked for clarification of her employment in order to assess he current situation. Totally relevant

I get what you're saying but all she's asking is whether she should potentially work evenings in a new role and whether her DH is okay to be pissed off at the potential change in hours.

I'm sure she knows whether she's self-employed or not

Can you send someone else in your place?
Do you use your own equipment?
Do you choose your own hours?
Do you attend team meetings?
Is this your only employment?

Yes I can, yes I do. I chose the hours when I started the role and could change them if I wanted to. We don’t have team meetings, and I occasionally do the same job from home (which is registered and inspected) for myself. I’m very definitely self employed.

The thread title, the key question was “To go for the job?” She then explains why she is thinking of it, because of uncertainty in current job. So my question was entirely relevant as I was trying to work out the current situation and her rights, for example as an employee TUPE to the new business owner could have been an option.

And I didn’t ask for clarification for OP, I asked for myself as I didn’t find it clear because she mentioned self employment but described employment.

Anyway I am out, some people are determined to argue over everything on here, it is tiring.

To add, part of my thinking is also that some of the things he does alone now I will be able to pick up/do with him, and I’ll be able to do some of my afternoon/evening bits in the day. So as I’ll be free to prepare dinner in the day, I can then slap it in the oven while we pick the kids up together and walk the dogs for example. I’ll be able to mow the grass/clean out animals for example in the day so he won’t need to do them in the afternoon. I feel we’ll still get that time together.

So, at risk of outing myself, DH works in farming and keeps dogs, and part of that work is pest control, which he keeps ferrets for. The ‘hobby’ is pest control for another site belonging to his employer. He doesn’t get paid for it, but the pigeons and rabbits feed the animals year round, which we’d otherwise have to pay for, and it’s an expensive do. It saves us around 5-600 a month.

It’s usually all day Saturday and Sunday mornings. We do spend Sunday afternoons as a family.

The thread title, the key question was “To go for the job?” She then explains why she is thinking of it, because of uncertainty in current job. So my question was entirely relevant as I was trying to work out the current situation and her rights, for example as an employee TUPE to the new business owner could have been an option.

Well, I'm self-employed and still refer to taking on new clients as a job. I also say I'm thinking of quitting a job if a certain client isn't working out

You will still get time with Monday, Thursday and Friday afternoons, which sounds like nicer time than 4.30am. I don't see why your DH gets to choose to work whenever but you are expected to fit in.

I don't think you have a choice really, it's a no brainer. A job you enjoy, works round the kids, no formal childcare needed. I understand your husband wants to spend time with you but at present you either have no job or one which is less than perfect. Could you work any of these hours from home if it is the same job? Although I know you'll be an employee you could always ask the question if it's something you've done before. I think you've been incredibly lucky to find something so similar so close to home with hours that suit. Go for it.

That’s good
A lot of people think they are SE but really aren’t. You seem to know what you are doing.

On the job offer, I think you need to sit down together and look at the hours and income - he doesn't want you to work the evenings but he's working on the weekend which wasn't planned and taking both days for a hobby (without you and the kids?).

Why would she need to sit down to discuss it with her husband when he does exactly what he likes and barely spends any time with his wife and children anyway?

OP, IMO, take the job.

Yes this new job would be employed, so I’d have the benefits of paid holiday and paid sick leave. I do have a small private Pension but I’d have a company one and could afford to continue paying into the private one too.

We do spend Sunday afternoons as a family.

I'm career orientated, but honestly think this is a big compromise to do jobs you love, you say you're always around but your partner isn't, and one afternoon a week altogether is pretty pitiful.

I did mean as far as weekends go. We eat together as a family (minus DH on Tues and Weds) and spend time together after school.

YANBU, fewer hours, more money and easier school holiday childcare. I'd not be amused at his negative reaction, he could do less but chooses not to. All I can see he'll need to do is put the youngest to bed, unless you've skipped out that they're utterly gremlins to get to bed, it would seem fair, given you do the bulk of everything else.

No they’re pretty easy at bedtime. They share a room so do have a tendency to chat and mess about for a little bit after tucking in, but a firm “time to sleep now” after 15-20 minutes or so is usually more than enough to get them settled.