To be happy despite my life being objectively shit

[Fluffytuffs]

I have NC for this as I am kind of mortified to admit the reality of my life. These are my problems:

1. I am in a sexless relationship for over a decade with a man who is kind and loves me but who I am not in the slightest bit attracted to. Like, seriously you might as well ask me to have sex with my brother.
2. I despise my workplace (though am currently working on changing it) and am recovering from a truly horrific experience in which I was bullied/stalked by a colleague, (I have literally never been so frightened by someone in my life)
3. i have friends but my friendships are not smooth and joyful, I find they can be difficult and kind of begrudging and demanding.

I actually could go on but will leave it at that. But here’s the thing - I am quite contented! Like, I love walks, nature, good food and wine, travel, my pets, and I get a lot of joy from these things. But sometimes I stop and think that I really should be unhappy and more keen to change things. I had a troubled childhood and I wonder is this a factor, like are problems my comfort zone??

AIBU to be happy, and does anyone relate?

Thanks ❤️

@dartsofcupid this thread has me wondering if there is a strong correlation between love of pets and resilience! Big respect to you for rearing happy children when you didn't have good modelling for that.

@Dymaxion hmm, I do have memories of going into my own happyclappy world during stressful situations so maybe I have! And that's lovely that you get joy from the lovely birdsong (AKA threatening to kick the shit out of each other 😂)

@Mummadeze I am sorry to hear that you have to suffer verbal abuse. You have a strong survival tactic by the sound of it. Next time he does that, pretend you have a big iron cloak around you to protect you from his nonsense, because that's what you do have. 🌹

@JudyGemstone that's interesting. I wonder does listening to other people's suffering also provide a lot of perspective?

If I could be unhappier for longer, I would probably have changed things by now.

I kind of feel the same way, DH is very critical and is quick to pick fault, ( not verbally abusive like yours, just very wearing) , my emotional equilibrium restores its balance quite quickly. Not sure if this is learned behaviour, as I am sure I used to dwell on such criticism for longer, earlier on in our relationship, now I am a lot more pfft ! about it, although someone did catch me flicking V's at his back in the Supermarket yesterday

@Mummadeze I am not sure that unhappiness is such a big catalyst for change, more that it just makes day to day living harder.
Anecdotally, the people I know who have changed their lives for the better ( and dumped negative or abusive partners ) have done so because they increased their social interactions with others, started doing exercise or new hobbies or got better jobs. Increasing their happiness quota seemed to put the bits of their life that caused them distress into sharper focus ?