To ask if my baby has an 'insecure attachment'

[raisingalittleone96]

I'm hoping someone with knowledge around attachment can comment, as any information I learnt about it was many years ago when I did an A level in Psychology, which I subsequently failed!

DD is 11 months. Her dad left when I was pregnant, so it's pretty much always been just me and her most of the time. My ex sees her once a week (sometimes every 2 weeks). DD can never settle with him and always cries hysterically whenever he holds her. The crying gets worse and worse until he eventually gives her back to me. This has been on ongoing thing for quite some time now.

My ex, along with his mother, are now both saying that DD has an insecure attachment as she should be able to go to anyone without crying (she does actually go to lots of people in the extended family without crying, it's just him she cries with). I've tried to explain that the reason she cries is probably because he doesn't see her very often and if he wants to build a proper bond with her, he needs to have her more regularly. However, this has fallen on deaf ears and he is insistent that she has an insecure attachment and I've been spoiling her.

Can anyone advise if this a sign that my DD has an insecure attachment? It's really upset/annoyed me as being a single parent is so hard and I feel I've tried (and continue to try) my best.

The baby doesn't know he's her DNA donor. He's got to prove he's her Dad with his time and care (and more than £30 per week 🙄) and then she will have a bond with him, too.
It sounds like he won't be told though. What an arse of a man.
My baby is almost 11 months and lights up when he sees his dad walk in the room. DH has been cleaning bums and pacing floors and singing songs and playing since day dot so it doesn't matter how many cuddles or kisses I "spoil" him with - he's his Daddy's boy, too.

What rubbish they are talking!

You baby has a secure attachment with you! It's not positive for a baby that age to be happy going to someone who's practically a stranger.

If her father wants a better relationship, he need to see her more often and engage with her more closely. And even then, she will still mainly want the parent she's primarily attached to.