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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My husband is an arse, I have had enough feel bewildered

41 replies

Feelingutterlyfedup · 25/06/2023 20:35

So last night of our holiday, in a restaurant, had a sense something off kilter. Drinks brought, after a while, service admittedly not what have been used to, he has no water, or drinks after starters arrive, looking around, then stomps to bar , I could hear him from table complaining, felt really embarrassed, came back, reasonably said, so I thought, we are on holiday, is it that much of a big deal, all through dinner arguing telling me should have backed him up, said I thought he was being unreasonable, I can have a opinion, I didn't agree, staff were lovely kept asking was everything ok, told him.to shush and enjoy dinner, just then blanked me and in the end simply stalked out of restaurant telling me to get lost, eventually found him in the bar who then told me to get lost again with a parting shot to go to bed and sober up suggesting I was drunk, in fact had already suggested it was he who was tired and out of sorts, felt totally humiliated again, not the first time, what should I do, feel like this is the final straw, sat in the room and quite honestly dreading him.coming back.

OP posts:
Anklespraying · 25/06/2023 20:38

I'm sorry, he's being horrible. Go to bed and ignore him then come home and dump him.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/06/2023 20:42

Yep, he’s an arse.

Evaka · 25/06/2023 20:44

Leave him, leave him and leave him again.

pictoosh · 25/06/2023 20:44

Yes he's an arse. An impatient, self-important, disrespectful, demanding ARSE.

browneyes77 · 25/06/2023 20:48

If this is consistent behaviour, where he speaks to you and treats you this way, then I would seriously be re-assessing this relationship if I were you.

3BSHKATS · 25/06/2023 20:49

Can you honestly in visage him when he is 60 years old and 10 times worse? They do not get better with age.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 25/06/2023 20:49

It depends I guess….if you’re flush and the hotel has another room. If so I’d “get lost”.

Sparkletastic · 25/06/2023 20:53

He sounds very bad tempered. Have you had quite a bit to drink though?

Backstreets · 25/06/2023 20:54

What a prince

HollyFern1110 · 25/06/2023 20:58

Sounds a bit like DH if I'm being honest. He is extremely impatient but if I mention it it's my fault for being too laid back. I also drink too much (I don't, I drink considerably less than him).

We have always had this at least once per holiday. More so in the younger years, less so now.

jeaux90 · 25/06/2023 21:01

Does this behaviour happen often?

Feelingutterlyfedup · 25/06/2023 21:04

Thank you, all of you, yes I don't recognise my husband any more, so angry for seems no reason, we came away to see if things could get better, they can't! I feel really strongly, that I can't seem to be able to disagree with him on anything and when I do , I am being unreasonable and he turns on me.Yes. have already asked if another room, but haven't, feeling that angry now myself cos I know he, not me, who is stone cold sober will come back drunk and insist my fault, not his! I don't have to agree with everything he says and thought he was just an arse and totally ruined the holiday, I will leave him, just can't cope, feel.like I am going mad as he says everything's my fault all the time.

OP posts:
theGooHasGone · 25/06/2023 21:07

Do you often excuse poor service? I will say it's pretty frustrating if someone has a habit of never complaining about anything because they "don't want to make a scene".

Spanky123 · 25/06/2023 21:09

Evaka · 25/06/2023 20:44

Leave him, leave him and leave him again.

You sound nice.

Nowvoyager99 · 25/06/2023 21:09

Can you get a room at a nearby hotel? If you ask at reception, they usually have a reciprocal arrangement with a neighbouring hotel.

I just wouldn’t want to be there when he gets back, it all sounds so bloody miserable.

Feelingutterlyfedup · 25/06/2023 21:12

Hi, Jeaux yes it does, I have put up with it as I think is it my fault, but sitting here it's not, I have been thinking about things a lot these last few days and always just get the silent treatment, we have been married over 30 years, have 4 kids, 2 grown up, 2 teenagers, but realise just how unhappy I really am, feels a relief to say it out loud and to be able to have someone to listen to me feel quite ashamed, I can't and have not been able to speak to anyone about this for a long time.

OP posts:
Sandunesandseashells · 25/06/2023 21:15

For the record (and completely missing the point), don’t ever eat anything that is served after complaining.
I would pack and find another hotel and switch your phone off.

hayi · 25/06/2023 21:17

Look I don't know the rest of your marriage. But this is really not that bad or something to break up over.

People are dicks sometimes. He didn't feel backed by you, you hurt his little ego and he lost it.

He should apologise to you and you should be able to talk about it. He sounds grumpy. I don't like grumpy men. If he's always like this and you're unhappy, then consider whether you might be better off without him.

If it's based just on this thing, see what he says when he comes back.

Men have fragile egos. It's pathetic. But sometimes they get triggered.

Anklespraying · 25/06/2023 21:17

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Time to move on. I get the impression it's what he wants too.

Shoxfordian · 25/06/2023 21:18

Keep talking on here op, you’ll get all the advice you need to leave him

Feelingutterlyfedup · 25/06/2023 21:19

Hi, I don't excuse poor service, will speak up and do, but literally didnt think it was today.Hotel staff have been brilliant, just this one restaurant, that was a bit of a let down initially, but not that big of a deal for him to stomp across and shout, that was just plain rude, they had already apologised as so busy and got free drinks, so no, I don't think I was, but the issue I had was being told I should have backed him up and then ruined the rest of the meal

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 21:19

Sandunesandseashells · 25/06/2023 21:15

For the record (and completely missing the point), don’t ever eat anything that is served after complaining.
I would pack and find another hotel and switch your phone off.

@Sandunesandseashells

do you think it will have been spat on?

ginswinger · 25/06/2023 21:21

You are perfectly allowed to leave the marriage and shouldn't have to stay if you don't want to. It doesn't sound as though you are very happy or cherished. Make a plan to change things and make yourself happier.

Qat · 25/06/2023 21:22

This sounds like the plot of the White Lotus

Nowvoyager99 · 25/06/2023 21:23

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 21:19

@Sandunesandseashells

do you think it will have been spat on?

Or worse…