Husband deleting WhatsApp messages

[Catlover6]

I need your help as to how to react to this. About a week ago DH accidentally sent a WhatsApp message to our DD on the family WhatsApp. He’d meant to send it to a female work colleague. The message agreed that the birthday card he’s got and the present were lovely.
A seemingly innocent exchange, but I thought it was a little strange that his work colleague had been told about the card and gift on a Sunday when he’s obviously not at work. And DH deleted it within a minute; I just happened to be holding my phone when he sent it.
Having thought about it I asked to see his phone messages so I could see the conversation in context. He said he’d deleted the whole conversation.
Now I don’t know what to think. Why would he delete an innocent conversation? How do I proceed if there is no conversation there?
aibu in thinking this is very strange behavior?

you can retrieve deleted messages, i would be suspicious I am afraid

Sorry but I think that's weird of him. Why delete it if there's nothing to hide?

I would also think its weird that you wanted to see the messages on his phone. Thanking someone for a birthday gift is normal behaviour. You obviously don't trust him. But the fact that he had deleted the messages there's only 1 reason for that.

Sorry I haven’t been clear. The work colleague didn’t send the present and card, they were from my DD to my DH.

Does he have lots of messages to and from other people that go back a long time on his phone?

Yes the above poster has a point. His messages with you/his mum/other randoms…. Does he delete them too or just this one Colleague?

Yeah i think it's a bit weird he's told a work colleague what his daughter gave him for his birthday. I'm not sure I'd tell my colleagues what I got even if we're friends, it definitely suggests a certain level of closeness.
Also deleting WhatsApp messages would always seem suss to me.

Does he usually delete WA messages. I know pretty much everyone on here will say if he does its because he's got something to hide. Not necessarily. I delete mine. I hate having a cluttered list. I don't delete family ones but I don't keep friends or colleagues messages. Once the conversation were having at that time is finished I delete the chat

So whether it's suspicious really depends on how he manages other chats

No I’m pretty certain he’s just deleted this conversation. There were many work related conversations between him and the colleague but this personal conversation had been deleted.

Yeah that's weird

I think it’s weird he told his colleague what he got for his bday on a Sunday. I don’t think it’s weird he deleted from fam chat as it was obviously posted in the wrong place. I think it’s weird that you asked to check his phone for the “context” - a bit controlling- do you not trust him? Not sure what to make of him apparently deleting the convo, but I think he’s reasonable for not wanting you scrutinising his WhatsApp chats.

Do there was still messages with this colleague, but deleted messages as well?

Messaging her on a Sunday about personal matters, then deleting the messages, is not a good sign. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have even thought to erase them.

I asked to check his phone because I couldn’t make any sense of the situation in my head; why would he be chatting with a work colleague out of office hours on a matter that isn’t anything to do with her?
I agree it does seem controlling but I honestly thought that if I saw a reasonable build up to the conversation it would make more sense. I thought it would put my mind at rest.
I’ve been married for nearly 30 years and have never asked to look at his phone before.

Yes there were lots of messages with her but all work related. The conversation I’m talking about had been deleted not only from the family group but from DH’s phone.

That’s exactly what I’m saying to him. I’ve asked him what he has to hide and he says nothing. I have nothing else to go on because the messages are gone!

Is it really that uncommon for people to tall to colleagues outside of work hours? I've had semi-regular conversations with a man I work with. Highly likely he would message me to say happy birthday and then ask what DC had given me.

The deleting is odd, but while you may have been right to be suspicious I don't actually know why you were!

Hang in, that changes everything. All that's happened is he's deleted one message (not a conversation) because he realised he sent it to a family group chat instead of the correct recipient. You can't delete some conversations with a person and not others because WhatsApp puts all direct messages in the same thread. He cannot have deleted some messages without making it very obvious as they would show as deleted.

Messaging a work colleague on a weekend is fine.
I always message my work colleagues.

Deleting the text sent to the wrong person, also fine.

You going through his phone is not fine.

Him deleting messages to his colleague, also not fine.

Its impossible to tell if he’s cheating or not but I think your view of him speaking to his colleague on a weekend is very irrational and it’s very controlling to turn read his messages.

Why are you always messaging your work colleagues? You message them about work on the weekend?

Or was it a separate conversation?

Op was it the whole message thread or just the one text that was deleted?

The group of folk in my office are always messaging too. Then talk about it in the office when they've obviously been doing something together. It's almost done as a bullying exercise to show me I wasn't invited to stuff.
Frankly, I find it weird they can't separate their work lives from the personal lives. None of them seem to have friends out with work. I find that strange in itself

What do you know about this colleague?

Had this person and their relationship concerned you before today?

I think it sounds fine.
maybe it went
female colleague: Happy Birthday!
DH: thanks, got nice pressie and card from dd!
FC: lovely! We’re they nice?
DH: yes they were

it’s pretty normal in my work WhatsApp group to text at weekends . especially wishing happy birthday.
a colleague sent video of her new air conditioner yesterday so we could all hear how noisy it is ( as we had been collectively wondering). So she sent a video to show us . Wild 😁