For not catering..

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A couple of weeks ago we planned a bbq with some friends, bbq was last night.
Yesterday morning, I saw one of the couples and the friend tells me she is no longer eating dairy produce. This is ontop of being vegetarian and not eating gluten.
The gluten is due to intolerance, not coeliac.
Vegetarian as she doesn't like meat.
Now no dairy as she thinks it's making her hayfever worse.
Previously I have accommodated the diet requirements.

This time I asked her to bring something suitable for her to eat that
I was doing sides of salad and jacket potatoes to go with bbq food and could she bring something for herself to go with it.
Could I have found a 'main' element? Yes. But tbh it's more work, I'd already done the shop and didn't want to have to go out again.
She said it was rude of me to ask her to bring something separate. I said she was welcome to the salad and potatoes.
Bbq starts, the husband turns up solo. She had decided to not come.
I got a stroppy text of her which I ignored. Another friend put a pic on fb which she commented 'wish I could have come'

So...wibu?

Not always, I am what you might class as "fussy" and there are lots of normal foods that I don't like or don't want to try. I always cater for myself as I wouldn't want attention to be drawn to me if I could find anything I liked at a barbecue etc.

This. I wouldn't cater to this. Fussy people can sort their food out.

She didn't have to "wish" she could have come. She was welcome and chose not to. Totally her fault if she missed out. All she had to do was spend a few pounds on a main for herself and then have the option of the sides you provided. I'd have happily (and have) contribute to any meal or party. I'd Ignore totally.

I have a couple friends who are veggie and one who has a more restrictive diet due to IBS. Vegetarians are easy to provide for but they are also always willing to bring something that they can eat and that people can share too. Your 'friend' is being ridiculous.

Her lack of notice makes her the CF and because of that YANBU

I know how serious it can be of someone eats something that are allergic to or have an intolerance too. Which is why I am really careful and make sure I have the right things for those people who are coming. One of the people has coeliacs, one is diabetic, one is allergic to citrus, so I had already covered those bases.

I saw her in the morning. I'd been shopping, home then to the gym. That's where I saw her. I was then going home to tidy up, get stuff made then see people. I said I'd already done the shop so I would need her to grab something if she wanted something specific.

I have a friend who is super picky, in part just pickiness and part due to intolerance. He frequently eats with us and whilst doesn't bring his own stuff since the very first time he visited he explained what he didn't eat well in advance and said "if you get stuck I'm happy with a couple of boiled eggs". I think if you have dietary requirements you either bring your own or give a super simple work around long in advance of the day.

Sounds like a Jain diet and they tend to eat a lot of pulses but strict Jains don’t eat anything grown underground. Other Hindu vegetarian groups don’t eat onion and garlic. Key thing is to explain dietary restrictions in advance though, it’s not very nice to spring it on the hosts without notice.

YANBU. I've been vegan 5 years and was vegetarian 27 years before that.

I always offer to bring my own food to BBQs, parties etc, mainly so as to not be a pain in the arse for the host.

But also as it's a common occurrence for the host to buy you something in good faith and it be vegetarian and not vegan, or a brand you don't like, etc.

Like you say, you had salads and potatoes, not like she'd have starved. Probably did you a favour to stay away! She's being a dramatic martyr. Ignore.

She's creating Unnecessary drama.

She told you that morning!

You had alternative veggie and dairy free items (potato and salad) and already catered gluten free.

I have gluten intolerance and always take my own rolls/cakes etc foods to bbqs etc.

Diet Wankers, can’t stand them. Eat what you want but please don’t expect me to care or purchase sausage replacements that are 3x the price during a cost of living crisis.