Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Do you cater for adults at kids party?

33 replies

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:27

Just having a discussion with a friend. My son had his 5th birthday party yesterday, first party as started reception in September.

the kids obviously had food and drink included (14 boys plus my son so 15 kids total). We’ve only had 3 invites as he’s youngest in class. All parties were a small gathering at their homes and we were offered tea and sandwiches as parents.

I’ve never done a party before so offered the parents tea/coffee. Bear in mind just the drinks were £2.50 each! I couldn’t exactly say pay for your own after I offered. My friend said I shouldn’t have offered but I felt kind of rude not to. What’s the done thing? If party is outside in softplay with a coffee shop should you cater for adults too and buy them drinks and food?

OP posts:

CaveMum · 25/06/2023 15:29

Personally speaking whenever we’ve hosted a party (soft play or village hall) we’ve always covered the cost of teas/coffees for adults and provided biscuits. We don’t lay on food.

Moveoverdarlin · 25/06/2023 15:29

If it was in my home, I would offer tea or coffee. Maybe a Prosecco if they were quite good friends. But if it was in a soft play centre, I wouldn’t buy every parent a £3 coffee, no.

milkysmum · 25/06/2023 15:30

No you definitely don't need to cater for adults. One of dds parents did when they were younger ( they are teens now) but this was very much the exception rather than the rule.

CarrieO · 25/06/2023 15:30

Personally, whatever kind of party I have, I will have refreshments for the adults. In a soft play situation I would offer to buy parents a drink.

BUT I can afford to do that. I would absolutely not expect someone else to and would happily buy my own.

CheckEngineLight · 25/06/2023 15:31

Never paid for parents, never been offered by other parents either. Everyone expects to pay for their own ime.

CarrieO · 25/06/2023 15:32

(I’d say that of the soft play parties my kids have been to, about 50% of the time hosting parents have bought drinks and 50% of the time they haven’t. Have never heard anyone complain when they didn’t so don’t think it’s an expectation).

Oysterbabe · 25/06/2023 15:33

Softplay or similar no, they can buy their own. Church hall or own home, tea and biscuits. I have December babies so also offered mulled wine.

PiratesEatTrolls · 25/06/2023 15:33

At home/village hall parties where we are catering we tend to buy a load of cheap cans and tea and coffee stuff and some biscuits for adults.

At a venue where it's possible to buy refreshments, no, and never been bought for, either.

lieselotte · 25/06/2023 15:34

When my ds had a whole class party and parents stayed (just his 5th birthday I think) I laid on tea/coffee and biscuits for parents. Otherwise not.

Original poster

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:37

The thing is it got really awkward! As I went to buy a pot of tea for everyone but they said no you have to buy individual ones. I went Babk you explain to parents and said you can just go coffee shop and put your order in. But they just say there! Didn’t move so I took their order and went myself. Should I have done this? I’m a people pleaser so struggle to know when I’m being a PP or if I’m being mean.

OP posts:

Original poster

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:39

Sorry typo. Once I realised you have to order by cop not pot I told parents this and explained they can just go there and order themselves. But they sat there and didn’t move. So in the end I asked them and put order in myself. Should I have done that? I really struggle with social norms.

OP posts:

Scyla · 25/06/2023 15:43

No you didn't need to do that but as you offered yourself up as a butler they used the free service.

Sit down next time and remember it's a children's party and adults can hydrate themselves without assistance.

Oysterbabe · 25/06/2023 15:45

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:37

I'd have just said
'Cafe is open if you want to get yourself a drink' and got on with things.

Original poster

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:48

@Oysterbabe but a few of them (and I’m not imagining it) looked at each other and everyone was quiet. If it was me I would have said “oh no problem yeah I’ll go in a bit” not just stayed silent.

OP posts:

Skyblue92 · 25/06/2023 15:48

If I’m doing my own food then ill make sure to have enough for parents etc, if it’s a soft play that provides food then no I wouldn’t provide for the parents

justasoul · 25/06/2023 15:49

I’ve been to all sorts of parties, some have catered for parents, some haven’t. The ones in soft plays, some would have pitchers of squash that you could help yourself to, some parents would keep a tab for other parents to put their drinks on, some wouldn’t have anything.

In my circles, parents wouldn’t expect to be catered for. If I was told to buy my own drink, I would not be offended or anything but I wouldn’t get up immediately to purchase anything either - I can decide when I’d like a drink.

Original poster

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:49

Should I next time maybe have a tab open up to £20 or maybe make it clear on invite there’s a place where they can purchase x y z?

OP posts:

londonrach · 25/06/2023 15:52

At your home yes, outside no but I put jugs of water and cups prior to food for children or any adults

Pkhsvd · 25/06/2023 15:54

I find it’s a mixed bag; at soft play I’ve always just bought my own drinks, at someone’s house I’ve always been offered drinks and at village hall type ones it seems to vary. I generally find that food etiquette is that once kids have eaten it’s fine for adults to then eat.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 25/06/2023 15:55

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:49

Should I next time maybe have a tab open up to £20 or maybe make it clear on invite there’s a place where they can purchase x y z?

Gently, I think you need to stop overthinking this whole thing. Were you anxious on the party day? It sounds like you were uncomfortable just letting people sort themselves out, and maybe you let your people-pleasing tendencies get the better of you.

At somewhere like a soft play where there is a place for parents to get drinks, I wouldn't offer to pay for adults drinks from the cafe and I've never seen anyone else do this (and we go to soft play weekly). At a party in a hall or at your home where there isn't anywhere for parents to get food or drink, I'd put on refreshments for them.

Phos · 25/06/2023 15:57

It depends. At a soft play I will usually cover the cost of tea/coffee/soft drinks. However this year we did a community centre with a bar and we had 60 kids (it was a joint party and the kids are in different classes) so paying for wine and G&T for everyone could have been astronomical!!

Oysterbabe · 25/06/2023 16:01

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:48

I think you confused the issue by offering a drink and then trying to take that offer back.
I wouldn't have offered, just pointed them in the direction of the cafe.

Hugasauras · 25/06/2023 16:02

I've been to soft play parties where there's a tab for adults and ones where you just buy your own and both are fine. I'd imagine by the time their kids are 5, adults are well used to the soft play culture (DD1 is 4 and we've been to about seven soft play parties this year!), so I'd just have left them to get themselves a drink if they wanted.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 25/06/2023 16:03

Never even would have crossed my mind at a soft play party to expect the host parent to sort out food or drink for the adults.

When I've done buffet type foods at village hall parties I make sure there's enough for any parents to have some and buy in some more grown up soft drinks but at a soft play party it's very much a kids only thing.

Hugasauras · 25/06/2023 16:03

I wouldn't overthink it. I think most grown-ups can see a cafe counter and manage to go there and order a drink without needing to be told or helped to get there!

Flip

1 2