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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you cater for adults at kids party?

33 replies

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:27

Just having a discussion with a friend. My son had his 5th birthday party yesterday, first party as started reception in September.

the kids obviously had food and drink included (14 boys plus my son so 15 kids total). We’ve only had 3 invites as he’s youngest in class. All parties were a small gathering at their homes and we were offered tea and sandwiches as parents.

I’ve never done a party before so offered the parents tea/coffee. Bear in mind just the drinks were £2.50 each! I couldn’t exactly say pay for your own after I offered. My friend said I shouldn’t have offered but I felt kind of rude not to. What’s the done thing? If party is outside in softplay with a coffee shop should you cater for adults too and buy them drinks and food?

OP posts:
putthatdownsteve · 25/06/2023 16:08

Yes, always.

My eldest had a couple of soft play parties with the children catered for, and I took a tray of sandwiches/cake for the parents. I did ask in advance if I could and they were fine!

If I couldn’t bring in my own food, then no, I wouldn’t buy food there for the adults.

Parties at home/hired venues, I always cater for parents.

Scyla · 25/06/2023 16:55

Hugasauras · 25/06/2023 16:03

I wouldn't overthink it. I think most grown-ups can see a cafe counter and manage to go there and order a drink without needing to be told or helped to get there!

Exactly this! OP, they were silent because it's irritating having people fussing about like this.

They agreed to have you fetching for them in the end as you were obviously not going to let it go until you had mothered everyone.

llllasd · 26/06/2023 05:03

I think it was probably awkward because you offered and then took it back.
I'm imagining you saying something along the lines of "can I get anyone a tea/coffee?" And people happily accepting and you writing down their orders/how many for tea/how many for coffee....
then wandering back and saying ok so cafe's open, you just order over there 👍
They must have though eh? 😂
Unless it went differently to that.
Some of them maybe only accepted the drink cos you offered so weren't going to get up and rush to order if they were paying themselves.
In general though I don't think anyone would have expected you to buy them a drink and I wouldn't offer next time

LadySpratt · 26/06/2023 06:27

I’ve been to a range of venues over the years, and generally if it’s somewhere providing food for the children some hosts will set up a tab and others won’t.

Only once was I truly grateful for providing food for the adults. The party was held in a scout hut and I had ordered supermarket lunch bags for the children, and sandwiches for the adults. When the children started eating I realised that the sandwiches and drinks weren’t in the bags! Needless to say the children got the parents’ sandwiches (we had extra drinks so that didn’t matter so much).

The following year I checked every single bag!

Aprilx · 26/06/2023 06:41

anon116 · 25/06/2023 15:39

Sorry typo. Once I realised you have to order by cop not pot I told parents this and explained they can just go there and order themselves. But they sat there and didn’t move. So in the end I asked them and put order in myself. Should I have done that? I really struggle with social norms.

I think it was a bit cringey to offer tea or coffee, go over, find it was too expensive and then come back and tell everyone to get their own! I am not surprised they looked at each other. You would have been better off not doing anything, I am sure the adults could work it out.

Flippper · 26/06/2023 06:42

I have at small soft play parties (like when my children were 3 and the parents were mostly my own friends) but def wouldn't if there were 15+ children. I've only had drinks bought for me once or twice and been to an awful lot of parties. I think as pps have said there was probably a slight awkward moment when people didn't know quote what was going on as you had already offered and that's why they didn't move. It's no big deal, don't overthink it.

Sunshinebuttercupsrainbows · 26/06/2023 06:45

If it’s at a place with a cafe such as softplay I wouldn’t expect the hosts to provide for parents and always expect to buy myself a couple of coffees for survival. Once the host had a tab and was encouraging everyone to use it, I put one coffee on it but then paid the rest myself - it was very generous of her but not expected!

if a village hall party or at home, I’d expect tea and coffee to be provided.

Prachis10 · 31/12/2023 19:54

Hi might seem to be a stupid question but do they make their own tea and coffee as per their taste? I don’t know how it works .. m new to the country so just wanted to know.. my daughter has her birthday in January have invited whole class.. it’s a church hall that we have booked plus an entertainer also will be taking care of the food for kids but don’t know how to go about adults 🫣

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