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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling like parents are being lazy about birthday party

67 replies

Fabulousia · 25/06/2023 13:27

I have 3 DDs, twins who are 3 and a 2 year old. All of their birthdays are the end of august. My twins started preschool in September and through the year we’ve been invited to maybe 8 parties, one more to go in July. My girls are now excited at the thought of their own party. I was thinking I’d book the church hall for the Saturday in between my kids birthdays and do one big joint party, invite nursery class and some of the kids from the playgroup I take my 2 year old to be about 30 kids all in.
I popped a message in the preschool WhatsApp to see how many were on holiday on that weekend etc. before actually doing it. Most of the kids from the preschool are moving up to reception together, so thought it would be a fun way to get them together too as it’s a week and a half before they start school.
A few parents have said they aren’t on holiday but as it’s at the end of the school holidays they’d probably forget or be too busy sorting everything for back to school to come. There’s also been ones who have said they will be on holiday which I expected and others have said they would come but it’s about 1/3 to each right now.
AIBU to gel like the parents saying they just wouldn’t come as it’s the end of the holiday and they’d forget are just being lazy? How hard can it be to put it into your calendar, it would literally be 1:30-3:30 in the church hall which is walking distance for most people as we live in a small town.
I feel so sad that if I can’t magic up more numbers (don’t have family near by or cousin so might have to extend it to neighbour kids and the kids the do dancing with) the girls won’t get a party just because they are end of summer babies? Would you take your kids to a party at the end of the summer?

OP posts:
Stonetears · 25/06/2023 14:52

My oldest has his birthday first few days of September - from experience don’t try and have a party till they are back at school . One time we had a party on the first day of term after school and that worked well as they were all so excited to be back together and valued the extra time together .. I think that was year 3 .. I even had to track down the parent of the new starter to invite them on the day !

Lcb123 · 25/06/2023 14:54

It’s ages away. Of course they don’t want to commit. I wouldn’t bother with parties for that young age

Namechangedagain20 · 25/06/2023 14:58

DDs birthday is start of august, we’re doing her party the Saturday after term finishes as we figured over the holidays we may get less people attend through holidays or forgetting. My birthday is the same sort of time and my parents always brought my birthday parties forward as well. I think this is just normal for a summer holiday birthday.

UsingChangeofName · 25/06/2023 15:08

YABU and should be grateful that they have been honest with you now, rather than saying they would come and then forgetting, or going away for a few unscheduled days when you were counting them in the numbers.

Trust me, unless this is one friend you are making a private arrangement with, NEVER arrange a big party like this in the school holidays.
Learn from it now - you will have another 16 years of this.

fuckmyuteruslining · 25/06/2023 15:12

The problem is you're asking them commit to something two months away. Just shift it to mid September.

Fandabedodgy · 25/06/2023 15:18

One of mine has a school holiday birthday and we always delay the party until term time.

School holiday parties have really poor attendance.

LlynTegid · 25/06/2023 15:20

Whilst the answer is lame about being busy, it's a much better thing to do than to let you down on the day or shortly beforehand.

converseandjeans · 25/06/2023 15:34

Agree with everyone else. I think people like a break from school events over August. Just do it start of term as a welcome back.

Also the timing is such that people can't do anything as a family as the party is too much in middle of day.

Just do something as a family in August & celebrate with friends a couple of weeks later.

As kids got older we started to do parties Friday after school as it was less intrusive to family plans.

lanthanum · 25/06/2023 15:40

Mine had most of her parties on one of the weekdays just before school re-started in September. Everyone's back from holiday, holiday clubs often aren't open for the half-week before school starts, and when we consulted, that always seemed to be the time all her closest friends could make.

Nobody ever had problems remembering. Perhaps offer to send a message nearer the time to remind everyone - at least they've been honest that they're not sure they'll remember.

AddieLoggins2 · 25/06/2023 15:43

I agree with other comments that in future it's probably best to do the party before the end of term. I'm an August birthday and it's just something you get used to as a summer child.

But I do also agree it's pretty lazy that they just can't be bothered to go to a birthday party just because it's August, especially as you've given them lots of notice and at the moment they don't already have plans.

Do they do this with other things? 'Oh sorry boss I couldn't hand in my monthly report this month because it's August and all I can think about is my kids' school' or 'sorry officer I didn't get my car MOT'd because it's August'

I get that weekends at the end of August are hectic. But it's pretty shit of them to decline a party their kids would enjoy so they can take them to get a haircut/go shoe shopping or whatever that they probably won't enjoy! - it's hardly a last minute invitation, they should just do those things another time.

Stressfordays · 25/06/2023 15:58

I have an August born, we just go on holiday on his birthday week as most of his friends are unavailable due to various activities. Hes never had a big birthday party. I've done a sleepover with whoever is free before usually before/after his birthday.

ZebraDilemma · 25/06/2023 16:01

Justmuddlingalong · 25/06/2023 13:48

I think nobody wants to commit this far in advance. Try again nearer the time.

This

GCalltheway · 25/06/2023 16:24

Do the party for the first weekend back at school.

GCalltheway · 25/06/2023 16:25

I always like to chill out in the holidays and being away from school/nursery related stuff is part of that for me

EmeraldFox · 25/06/2023 16:30

Why ask them to commit so early? If you invite 30 you will end up with plenty for a party even if only half come. Some more may be able to say yes a couple of weeks out.

ThursdayFreedom · 25/06/2023 16:42

@Fabulousia

i wouldn't forget, I have a calendar! & id happily bring the kids if we aren't away, but I'm not committing to a toddlers weekend birthday party several months in advance.

sorry.

& actually not just a toddlers party, I don't want to commit to anything several months away. Unless it's very very important & even then I don't want to.

don't take it personally. People just want to enjoy the freedom of not being committed to stuff.

Clymene · 25/06/2023 16:45

There is no way I'd commit to a kids party on august bank holiday weekend.

I'd move it to the first weekend of September

JustMarriedBecca · 25/06/2023 16:47

Summer parties always start September at our school. Usually first weekend back.

Summerishereagain · 25/06/2023 16:48

It’s too early to commit to ask people to commit.

GloryBees · 25/06/2023 16:53

Have the party in September. This is what most of us with summer borns do and strongly suggest you do too! I’m surprised how aggrieved you are by this. They’re not being lazy they just don’t want to go!

The reality is for local parents your kids’ party in the height of summer isn’t going to be a priority - August is family time/seeing friends you don’t see often. They might not have firmed up those plans yet but better offers are likely to come along and they know it - they’re being kind to be honest by not pulling out last minute!

waterrat · 25/06/2023 16:56

oh Op Im sorry - I have to be honest I would be worried about committing to a kids party that fell in the school holidays - particularly one that is several weeks away in August - so many things could come up

I think they are being honest and that is much better than last minute cancelling!

they may want to do a last minute holiday/ get away with family - I tend to try and fit so much in to school holidays -

I just wouldn't want to let you down but couldn't possibly leave an entire weekend just for a kids party

Have it in september once they are all back so much nicer.

mynameisnotthis2 · 25/06/2023 16:59

No advice but I feel your pain. My son is September 5th which has been the first day of school every year so far. We did his big 5th birthday party with the whole class invited on October 1st in reception.

cushioncovers · 25/06/2023 16:59

My birthday is at the end of August usually around the bank holiday weekend and I've always had trouble getting people to get together to celebrate. People are either on holiday or skint after coming back from holiday. I even spent one birthday completely on my own. It used to really upset me but as I've got older I have lower my expectations massively. You will always have a low turn out for end of August birthday celebrations afaic.

Greenpin · 25/06/2023 17:05

I used to wait until they were back at school or hold a party in July. I feel your pain. If you give out the invites in Aug everybody forgets. Late Aug and early Sept are not good times for birthday parties.

Cheeseplantt · 25/06/2023 17:10

Voice of experience here. You may not like their responses but at least they are telling you what will happen - people will forget, they will have a 'better' offer, they will be too busy etc.

I would do a party in the 2nd weekend of September instead - you will get a lot more people attending and it will be good to invite some new school friends too so you can get to know them all.