Telling other people’s children off

[Sunshine13452]

we never allow our children to jump on our furniture (or anybody else’s) it’s just not something that I feel ok with.
However when brother in laws children visit they ALWAYS jump on all of the sofas, BIL and his partner never ask them to stop.
The other day I had enough and asked them to stop jumping on the sofa and that they were for sitting on.
I can’t help but feel a sense of guilt, but I don’t allow my own children to do it.

AIBU?

This is at your house? I'd have asked them to stop the first time they did it.

Don't feel guilty, you were quite right. It's your bloody house, and their parents shouldn't be so wet

I would have no problem asking them to stop. You haven’t even ‘told them off’ by the sounds of it. different houses do have different rules and the children/parents won’t correct it if they don’t know it’s an issue.

yes it’s at my house

Yanbu.children need boundaries.

It was perfectly fine, it is good for children to realize that there are different rules in different houses. It will make it easier when they start visiting friends and neighbours on their own. You are definitely not the only one who will object to people jumping on furniture. They will find it doesn't go down well at school for instance.

You can buy them 'Ten Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed' for Christmas. That should get the message across.

it's fine.

takes a villagd and all that.

I wouldn't have any problems at all telling them to stop. I wouldn't feel guilty either, and if BIL and SIL didn't like that I'd tell them to get control of their brats children.

I guess it wasn’t really ‘telling off’ I just asked them to sit on the sofa and not to jump on it (using a friendly tone of voice)
I just worry about over stepping the mark

Nothing to feel guilty about. I've told children I don't know off at
playgrounds and soft play when necessary with no qualms.

That isn't anywhere within 10 miles of overstepping the mark.

Oh this is just ridiculous

Seriously ridiculous.

Since when did kids/adults get so precious they can't tell...sorry 'ask' kids to stop jumping on their furniture??

How would you feel about 'asking' an adult to stop doing it?

If bil isn't a great parent he isn't going to be great at coughing up their damages. Imo.
Prob be your fault your sofa isn't robust enough..

Stopping other people's children from doing damage in your house when the parents are just sitting on their arses being wet lettuces is not overstepping the mark.

If any boundaries are being overstepped they are yours, by them failing to parent their children.

BIL partner can be a bit funny at times about people telling her children, one of them broke part of my one year old sons new toy (on his birthday), when I suggested they played with different toys (more age appropriate as their DS is 8) she wasn’t happy

BIL partner can be a bit funny at times about people telling her children, one of them broke part of my one year old sons new toy (on his birthday), when I suggested they played with different toys (more age appropriate as their DS is 8) she wasn’t happy

Kids can easily understand that different houses have different rules. We don't care about some sofa/bed bouncing here but DD(4) knows not to do it at anyone else's house unless she's told she can! So YANBU to ask them to stop.

Tough shit if they're not happy.

Incidentally, how do you cope with sticking up for your kids when other kids are hurting them/teasing them/being horrible to them?

Do you sit back and just allow it to happen incase their parents aren't happy?

'BIL partner can be a bit funny at times about people telling her children'

Well she needs to get her head out of her backside, as does BIL, and the pair of them need to learn to start using the word 'no' with their children. Theyre going to meet parents who have WAY less of a soft approach than you do

I would 'tell off' my nieces/ nephews and by best friends dc of they were misbehaving and if their parents weren't there or were ignoring (would weigh this one up depending on what dc were doing). If they were in my house though, bouncing on my things then 100% no issue having a word.

That she wasn't happy is just tough shit.

So their child has already broken something that belonged to your one year old! I hope they offered to replace it with a new one, though I don't suppose they did.

What's their excuse - that it's all OK because their DS is just a "spirited" brat child?

Obviously I would ALWAYS defend my children ?! Especially in those circumstances as I’m sure we all have the same views regarding what you’re describing??

I wouldn't describe that as "telling off" to be honest but you definitely weren't unreasonable.

Yabu to feel guilty for telling someone to stop using your furniture in a way that might damage it.

When my dc's friends come over I expect a certain level of behaviour and do tell them to pack it in if they're dicking about, jumping all over stuff or throwing a ball about etc. It's my house and if they or their parents don't like it they don't have to come over.

Also I think it's very healthy for children to be told off by other adults where necessary and appropriate, because they usually listen to them more than they do to their parents! Another adult can get through where a parent wouldn't.