Big birthday, partner doesn’t care.

[Gotmyfanon]

Hi all. Been thinking overnight about this. It’s my birthday on Tuesday, a big one! I’m not a party type of person, but I have arranged to go out for a meal with my wider family this weekend.

Partner of 15 years has told me he doesn’t feel like coming. He has form for this and does find socialising difficult anyway, but I thought he’d make an effort for my birthday. He doesn’t have anything else planned for me.

When he had the same big birthday, I surprised him with a holiday to San Francisco, planned it all out, gave him a treasure hunt with clues etc. That was a while ago though because he’s older than me.

I’ve told him that it feels like he doesn’t care and how hurtful that is. He just said he’ll come if he has to, so I’ve told him not to bother if I’ve got to literally force him.

YABU- I’m being fussy and shouldn’t expect him to come out with me and my family.

YANBU- He’s in the wrong

Well that's fine for you Rotormotor but there are many of us on here who love celebrating child and adult birthdays, including our own! I'm not an airhead either causing a "fuss"! Isn't it rather disparaging to say that about others who simply don't happen to share your view of the world?

After losing two close friends in the past couple of years, I genuinely want to celebrate every year I am alive, and the older I get, the more I want to celebrate! Not in a "look at me" selfish way, but in a "I am so grateful for my family and friends who are increasingly important to me every year" way. Is it not possible to accept that different people have different views about this?

Op, I was going to ask if your DH is suffering from depression and anxiety which is stopping him from joining your family at the restaurant? People do have panic attacks about eating in public, or not being able to "escape", something men sometimes find more difficult to admit than women. But if he fully participated in the holiday in SF that you kindly bought him, it doesn't sound like that is the case? Or has his mood changed dramatically since the pandemic?

^^ this is such a perceptive post. Unbridezilla has nailed it!

I am so glad you had a lovely evening and realised you don't need him there.

Fingers crossed for your birthday!

Did he step up for your birthday @Gotmyfanon ?

Exactly happy to go to San Francisco and do the treasure hunt.

My last big birthday my H made the effort gift wise but in the run up to the day, he said he’d ask for the day off (I had leave booked), then he said he’d try to finish early, then in the end he just about finished on time. We did go out for a meal but I was fortunate that my sister was about and she helped to make my day special. It was an indicator of how things were in our marriage. He was no longer my husband by my next birthday.
I’d suggest you think long and hard about your marriage and if this is really what you want for the rest of your life. My life is so, so much better without misery guts dragging me down!

Hope you had a lovely birthday. Update?