To not share lifts/responsibility for another swimmer?

[SwimmingProblems]

I've NC as if the parent is on here it is quite identifiable. If IABU maybe I will reconsider.

TLDR: AIBU to not want to share lifts to swimming galas and then be responsible for/film races/feed another child?

Teen DD swims competitively and has done for a number of years. For context it is a massive PITA driving to early morning swimming, after school swimming and weekend swimming meets. I knew this when I agreed to support her. I can drive 100's miles and then wait around for the whole weekend for a handful of races which are over in minutes. But it is a choice and I love the time we have together travelling up/staying over and it won't be for ever.

A new girl has moved to the club, and the parents expect us to share the driving/film both girls races/put them up in hotel/feed them, saying it will be nice for me to put my feet up/stupid for us both to make the journey. The expectation that each event would be shared and we'd have full responsibility of both children whilst we had them- ie pay for hotel/food etc.

I keep making excuses but then I wondered if I was being a CF and should be happy to do this. Teen DD doesn't want to (especially not sharing a room) and I don't. AIBU?

@itsgettingweird I don't really have a good reason why I'm against it, the bottom line is I don't want to. I get that others rather share and I'm the only one that doesn't and that is what is making me find it hard to say no. I'm already doing 4/5 early mornings and started early mornings about 5 ish years ago, so I do realise how much of a PITA it can be.

I guess the main thing is still having the time with my DD, with swimming training, school and friends there isn't that much time, I mean it isn't great conversation most of the time, just random streams chatter or sharing music/listening to podcasts together in the car is precious. I work from my computer so I just take work with me, I've often done two hours of work before my colleagues have got up, it just works.

(Also I think it is not working in an office which has made me doubt myself, pre covid I'd have chatted in the office and like the replies here sorted my thoughts, so thanks for helping me with this)

I don't really have a good reason why I'm against it, the bottom line is I don't want to.

I don't want to is a good reason!

Not wanting to IS the perfect reason.

Just because a virtual stranger comes up and tells them it suits them to do this, means absolutely nothing.

Minding another child overnight?

Why would you do this if it didn't suit you?

You are completely over thinking this.

Doing your own thing with your daughter suits you.

It is quality time together.

As my husband said when it came up here, going to matches together was their thing....end of.

You owe this parent nothing.

If they continue to push even greater reason to avoid.

Them suggesting it is ok, checking if you are interested, but if you have said no thanks once, that should be the end of it.

Pushing you about it, is real CF territory and I be avoiding.

Also I wouldn't dream of foisting and over night arrangement on any of my children.

Send them something like this:

Hi CF,
I wanted to get back to you in relation to your request for me to look after X at swim training/meets/competitions along with accommodation and food/drink costs. Unfortunately I'm not looking to share the transport/accommodation/food/drink responsibilities as I enjoy the time getting to and from these events with my daughter alone and we use this time for our personal reasons. Perhaps another parent in the club is looking to share and you could approach the coach to suggest it?
Anyway, my answer is no, I will not be pooling with you to bring DD and X to events and training.
Regards,
@SwimmingProblems

That should get the message across.

But that's fine if you don't want to.

I have no one to share with and do 5 mornings and 4 evenings. I'm also a LP so it's really hard to find support if I can't take ds training and I find that hard.

I wish we'd known people because we started this club late when others already had car pools sorted. Plus I can't do drop offs after morning training or pick ups for evening training due to working hours.

Just that back up of car pooling would be something I wish I had.

The other parent is being unreasonably pushy though but their circumstances may be the same as yours - they want to give their own dd the opportunity to swim but are struggling with juggling it all.

Peoples circumstances and wants are different 🤷‍♀️

You have no obligation to change what you do or accommodate them. But they aren't wrong for wishing you could.

They are wrong for not accepting no as a reason though!

I don't really have a good reason why I'm against it, the bottom line is I don't want to

Thats the BEST reason!

Just tell the CF you are not entertaining her ideas and thats the end of the matter and that you wont discuss it any further.

If she persists, then you know you have to tell her to fuck right off and then block.

I also suspect you they will gradually be unavailable to do their share and will ask you to do more to help, potentially offering you money.

I'd just say, that sounds great but my daughter loves it when it's just us two, we use the time to bond.