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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve really messed up party re: numbers!

45 replies

anon441 · 23/06/2023 11:17

I’m having my sons party tomorrow and I’ve really messed up. I invited whole class but only 17 are attending which is good as it was expensive per child! I stupidly invited my sons old school friends as I thought I’ll get numbers up to 20. The place told me it’s £19.95 per kid and £4 per sibling. The sibling will be also involved in the activity.

the 3 old school friends I’ve told can bring their younger sibling (3 of them, 1 younger sibling each) I thought it’s no issue as will only cost me £12. Just rang up the venue to confirm numbers and she told me they won’t be included in the party! So won’t be sitting or having food in party room unless I pay £19.95 each so nearly £60 extra. I’m really annoyed with myself I didn’t realise this before.

However I’m thinking other parties I’ve hosted and been too the younger siblings could easily just have a plate as it’s a Buffett and sit with the mums? How feasible is this? I cannot say no to the mums now especially one of them who invites my son and his younger brother every year and insists they both come and doesn’t let me pay. What shall I do?

OP posts:
SD1978 · 23/06/2023 11:35

If the sibling is involved in the activity, and catered for, then they are a guest. You can't pick and choose which bit they get to participate in and still expect them to participate in it all!

flipent · 23/06/2023 11:37

Why would the price ever be £16 less for a sibling? Surely everyone would claim half the kids were siblings of the others!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/06/2023 11:37

Why would you assume siblings could do the same as the rest at quarter of the price? That's a really silly assumption and I think you're going to have to suck up the extra expense now

lovemelongtime · 23/06/2023 11:38

You tell the mums involved that any siblings are going to be charged at full price. They are welcome to come but they will have to pay - that way its their choice.

i always think siblings coming is really CF terittory esp if you offer just to let them drop off the child invited.

CluelessHamster · 23/06/2023 11:39

Can you wait and see on the day as you may get some no shows out if the 17 from school in which case the siblings can have their place.

Calmdown14 · 23/06/2023 11:40

Can they still do the activity for the £4? What is it? Something like soft play where the £19 x 20 is effectively the hire of the party space?

If it's just food then I'm sure that it will stretch but it's not clear what is and isn't included in your pricing

Calmdown14 · 23/06/2023 11:44

If the place is still open other than the party space I'd guess the assumption is the siblings just play but don't get the party bit and maybe the added extras (like laser tag or whatever they do).

You could just text your pals and say you've paid for their entry but they'll need to buy a snack for siblings if they want food.

skgnome · 23/06/2023 11:46

From what she originally told you the siblings would be able to do the activity but not included in the food
which sounds a bit weird
unless is a big softplay kind of place, where there’s a party room, only the kids “invited” go in the party room and siblings stay in the general area - you can just get them some crisps or something from there
its a bit of a weird set up, also maybe not all the 17 will turn on the day?
the price difference is quite high - I’ll clear it with the mums now, as in “I’m really sorry, just realised due to numbers only x can go in the party room, and the siblings will have to stay out with the mums after the activity, we’ll have (insert snack food here) and coffee for the grownups”

EmmaDilemma5 · 23/06/2023 11:49

Typical MN, OP asks for advice, admits she's messed up and yet most of the responses just reiterate this rather than help. Its such a toxic environment!

OP - I would be honest with the parents, let them know the cost difference, and just ask if it's feasible for the parents to stay to watch the sibling, and if so, you'll bring some snacks for them (is this allowed? Raisins? A cupcake each?).

Will they still get to play?

It's not the end of the world. If someone told me that, I would understand and just want the minimum.

Eccle80 · 23/06/2023 12:07

I assume it’s a soft play so the £4 allows them to come in and play, but doesn’t cover the party package? How old are the siblings - could they just carry on playing when the others go into the party room?

ALittleBitAlexa · 23/06/2023 12:11

You can't host a party and have a two tier system for guests, it would be really rude! I have sympathy for your mistake and understand why you're annoyed at yourself, but I think you have to suck up the expense unfortunately. With hindsight I'm sure you realise charging some children less makes no sense, but lesson learned eh

Freefall212 · 23/06/2023 12:20

You invited them so you pay. You clearly aren't short on money given the massive size of the party and inviting whole class and when only 17 RSVP'd you felt that was too small and wanted an even bigger party. You invited more kids - now you pay for them.

IamstilltheWalrus · 23/06/2023 12:21

EmmaDilemma5 · 23/06/2023 11:49

Typical MN, OP asks for advice, admits she's messed up and yet most of the responses just reiterate this rather than help. Its such a toxic environment!

OP - I would be honest with the parents, let them know the cost difference, and just ask if it's feasible for the parents to stay to watch the sibling, and if so, you'll bring some snacks for them (is this allowed? Raisins? A cupcake each?).

Will they still get to play?

It's not the end of the world. If someone told me that, I would understand and just want the minimum.

Most of the responses
You mean the 3 above yours? 😂

Anyway, I agree with above. YOU Invited the siblings, you really cannot have them treated differently. If they are coming, you'll have to pay.

It's a completely different scenario from someone asking if they can bring siblings, and you replying that they won't be included in everything.

romdowa · 23/06/2023 12:24

Just tell the mums that you are happy to cover the siblings charge to play but it doesn't cover their food and that they can pay themselves for their child to have food or take them else where while the party is taking place. They won't be allowed to stay in the play area as the party cost only covers a certain length of time. Usually before the party

PeskyRooks · 23/06/2023 12:40

The £4 quoted for siblings means the siblings of the party child only. Everyone else is a guest so £19.95 each it's as simple as that so bringing their own food not going in the party room and all that suggested is neither here nor there.

mrlistersgelfbride · 23/06/2023 12:43

Shame you misunderstood the pricing OP. I think this is one of those occasions where you need to accept it and pay to avoid any confusion, lesson learned.

Hugasauras · 23/06/2023 12:45

Depends on how the venue works. Our soft play where all the local parties tend to be does lunchboxes for party kids. People bring siblings but they won't have a lunchbox if they aren't a party guest, you'd have to buy food and drink for them separately at the counter. They are allowed in the party room though but most parents sit in main section and then the party room is just for when the lunchboxes and cake is being done.

Shocking for MN but it's actually standard to bring siblings to parties round here at this soft play, it's kind of expected. Also both parents are often in attendance, another MN no-no!

mondaytosunday · 23/06/2023 12:45

I think it's too late to ask for parent contributions, and unless all the parents were planning on staying (I wouldn't) then not feasible to tell them they now have to mind their younger kids while everyone is having party food and cake.
I'm afraid you have to suck up the extra cost and lesson learned!

Hugasauras · 23/06/2023 12:46

I suppose the difference is here no one expects the siblings to be catered for like a party guest, you can bring them but you have to buy their own food and drinks etc.

jellyminelli · 23/06/2023 12:49

It's £60. You're already spending a huge amount on a party. Chalk it up to experience

Iwantmyoldnameback · 23/06/2023 12:51

Sorry you invited them you have to pay.

LumpyPumpkin · 23/06/2023 12:54

Is dealing with the awkwardness of having to speak to parents about this/tell them they have pay/uninvite the siblings worth £60?

Almost certainly not. Just pay the money and forget about it and take comfort from knowing you definitely won't mess up like this again 😅

Dahlietta · 23/06/2023 12:56

Assuming it's correct that they can do the activity, but not the food, I would be tempted to message the three parents and say "I'm so sorry, just been in touch with the venue and realised that food isn't included for siblings. Will that be okay?" If they are upset about it, you can always say, "I'll get back in touch with the venue and see if they can fit them in for the food too", but they probably won't mind. Ultimately, isn't the main thing about bringing siblings that you don't have to do something else with them?

Hugasauras · 23/06/2023 13:00

I'd be surprised if people thought being allowed to bring siblings meant they would get all the stuff a party guest would. I would take it as I can bring them along to the venue but they won't be part of the actual 'party'. They can play on the equipment and I can buy them a drink and sandwich or whatever like I would normally. I wouldn't expect them to join in with party food, get party bags, do any special party games, etc.

IamstilltheWalrus · 23/06/2023 13:18

Hugasauras · 23/06/2023 13:00

I'd be surprised if people thought being allowed to bring siblings meant they would get all the stuff a party guest would. I would take it as I can bring them along to the venue but they won't be part of the actual 'party'. They can play on the equipment and I can buy them a drink and sandwich or whatever like I would normally. I wouldn't expect them to join in with party food, get party bags, do any special party games, etc.

I would.

Have you seen the party food that is served in <most> soft plays? Squash and beige junk food. They would just add a few more portions, and an extra sweet cone. If siblings are invited by the parent, it wouldn't occur to me they wouldn't be included.
Not that I would actually care one way or another, but if they've been told "they can come".

I'd also get the sibling a present to give to the birthday child, goes both ways.