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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that saying "my house is messy but clean" is a big fat lie?

245 replies

SwordViolin · 22/06/2023 21:13

People say this all the time, my house is a mess but it's always clean but how? If your house is a mess then who knows what filth lurks under piles of papers or clothes or boxes. Anytime I've ever been in a messy house it has always been pretty dusty and unclean. Times when my house has been messy its much harder to actually clean, I need to tidy everything up and organise the space to get ot properly clean.

I mean it's fine if your house is messy and not cleaned because that's life we all have different tolerances of mess and dirt, we all have different circumstances but why say "my house is messy but clean" when it is so obviously not true?

OP posts:
WellINeverKnewWho · 22/06/2023 21:56

My house is messy messy, stuff everywhere, piles, nick nacks, random jumpers, books etc. But it is not unhygienic - and by that I mean I clean the areas I use for cooking daily and I clean the bathrooms and toilets. But yes there is dust here and there, although not as much as you'd think as the piles move around 🤣

Goldbar · 22/06/2023 21:57

My friend's house is messy but clean. She has 4 young children but has a cleaner twice a week. The cleaner picks up the debris, cleans under it and then puts it back pretty much where she found it. So toys, clothes, books, piles of paper largely stay where they were (scattered everywhere).

OneTC · 22/06/2023 21:57

When they say clean they mean not liberally coated in shit

Comedycook · 22/06/2023 22:04

I remember a thread on here a while ago about social services and how they view mess and houses. Like how they recognise 'normal' mess vs health hazard stuff. So normal mess would be a basket of laundry on the side, dishes from the last meal waiting to be done, toys on the floor etc. Then health hazard concerning stuff would be dishes piled up for days and days and mouldy food, nowhere to sit down, animal faeces on the carpet etc.

Hugasauras · 22/06/2023 22:05

Comedycook · 22/06/2023 21:17

Depends how messy.

I think there can be temporary mess...so toys out which your DC played with that day. Some school bags dumped in the hall. A basket of clean washing which will get out away later. Then there mess which is like permanent clutter and chaos. If the latter then it can't really be kept clean.

My kitchen right now is clean but messy. I cleaned it very thoroughly while kids were at school today. Right now the dishes from dinner are on the surfaces and DDs homework is all over the kitchen table. I will go and clear it up in a bit...will take me ten minutes and will be respectable again

Yes, exactly this. Our house isn't bad but we do have two small kids and there is new clutter or mess created every day in different places! So the kitchen table surface might have been wiped after breakfast but then DD1 has decided to build some sort of Lego dinsoaur world on it and wandered off halfway through, then tomorrow I'll wipe it after breakfast again and this time maybe she'll do some painting (and wander off halfway through again). And the living room floor was clear and vaccumed this morning but DD2 tipped all her toys out.

There is transient life clutter and clutter that is permanent because you don't have enough room for things to go.

SunshinyDay1 · 22/06/2023 22:07

Filth surley would be stuff that can breed bacteria. So dirty plates with food debris left for days, loo nevertheless wiped or cleaned for weeks... Floors never wiped or cleaned... Actual stuffy that causes bacteria?

Dust to me would not be classified as filth.

Sausageeggschipsandbeans · 22/06/2023 22:09

SwordViolin · 22/06/2023 21:13

People say this all the time, my house is a mess but it's always clean but how? If your house is a mess then who knows what filth lurks under piles of papers or clothes or boxes. Anytime I've ever been in a messy house it has always been pretty dusty and unclean. Times when my house has been messy its much harder to actually clean, I need to tidy everything up and organise the space to get ot properly clean.

I mean it's fine if your house is messy and not cleaned because that's life we all have different tolerances of mess and dirt, we all have different circumstances but why say "my house is messy but clean" when it is so obviously not true?

I’d rather that than those that claim their house is clean (not messy) but is actually filthy because they believe not being messy is the same as hygienic!

my house is cleaned regularly and the mess may move around but it’s a lived in house with kids. I can live with it being untidy but it has to be hygienic!

LaMaG · 22/06/2023 22:10

Disagree OP. There is such a thing as a clean mess, as we call it. House could be sparkling and 3 kids come home then it's shoes and school bags every where, Dd doing massive art project , DS1 making a sandwiches, dog getting excited and throwing her toys around. All can be promptly tidied away and house is clean and tidy again.

snickersontoast · 22/06/2023 22:15

I clean and tidy my house loads but I have toddlers and they throw stuff / pull stuff out so it's not dirty but it's messy

xsquared · 22/06/2023 22:17

I think you're confusing the word clean with sterile.

By your definition, no house is ever clean if it has anything in it, because what could be clinging onto anything you have in the house, no matter how tidy you think it is? Once you've dusted a surface, the dust just get transferred, not removed, to somewhere else!

Untidiness is a spectrum, it's not one or the other. I don't think it's truthful either to say that people say "my house is messy but clean" all the time.

Gowlett · 22/06/2023 22:19

Agree with you, OP. My house is filthy. And messy. It’s so depressing. I just don’t have time. DH is incapable of putting anything back where it belongs. So everything is pulled out. DS is the same. But he’s a toddler. I have too much crap, too. But at least mine’s tidy-ish / somewhat organized. Shared spaces are a disaster zone. And not clean. When I get a chance I do a blitz. Just wish it would stay that way…

NeverendingCircus · 22/06/2023 22:25

My house is messy but clean, because there is way too much clutter. So yes, it takes ages to clean and occasionally bits of it get grubby (behind the herb planters on the window sill only get dusted and wiped when I see they are grubby. If the window sill was empty I'd polish it whether it looked grubby or not.) But overall, I remove things to dust and polish properly and then put them back. I dream of living in a clutter free house but lots of the clutter is due to life and interests - loads of books, kitchen equipment, CDs, plants, DC's sports kit and musical instruments. I'd rather have a busy slightly messy life than a tidy and empty one (i know it's not either or, it just seems to be in our house!)

LoobyDop · 22/06/2023 22:26

I don’t mind admitting that my house is tidy but not particularly clean. I can’t stand clutter, so I put things away as I go, but I have better things to do than worry about dust and cobwebs and cat hair.

Friendofdennis · 22/06/2023 22:32

Because if they ( usually a woman) admit that their house is actually dirty they know they will be judged harshly

Atethehalloweenchocs · 22/06/2023 22:39

Comedycook · Today 22:04
I remember a thread on here a while ago about social services and how they view mess and houses. Like how they recognise 'normal' mess vs health hazard stuff. So normal mess would be a basket of laundry on the side, dishes from the last meal waiting to be done, toys on the floor etc. Then health hazard concerning stuff would be dishes piled up for days and days and mouldy food, nowhere to sit down, animal faeces on the carpet etc.

I used to cover shifts in the safeguarding team and did a number of visits to what were described as 'messy' houses. And this is exactly what we would see - there is a big difference between day to day normal mess, or that you havent cleaned for a few days and the kind of houses we would go into. And it is very obvious when you are in them. The give away is the smell - you cannot hide how it smells when you are living in a way that is a hazard for your children. I was always advised to keep a pair of cheap canvas shoes in the car so I could throw them away if it was a particularly bad one.

Mindovermatter247 · 22/06/2023 22:39

I guess it’s a matter of perception…

EsmeSusanOgg · 22/06/2023 22:42

Easy. We have cleaners deep clean once a fortnight. We clean in between. To do this we tidy up. How ever, in-between us and the cleaners tidy/ cleaning DS and sometimes his friends when having playdates creates a mess. We also have laundry on the go (which looks untidy when drying/ being sorted etc.). So the house often looks lived in, even messy. But it is also clean.

Mess is often transitory. And it is amazing how quickly children can create it! If someone pops by earlier in the day/eve, especially during holidays/ weekends I will highlight it is a bit messy at the moment. That's just how life goes.

PinkIcedCream · 22/06/2023 22:42

Yes my house is messy and definitely unclean in places.
And..?

EsmeSusanOgg · 22/06/2023 22:45

snickersontoast · 22/06/2023 22:15

I clean and tidy my house loads but I have toddlers and they throw stuff / pull stuff out so it's not dirty but it's messy

It is amazing how much chaos a couple of kids can create, in a previous tidy room, in a very short period of time.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 22/06/2023 22:51

But really....who cares?
What have we come to when so many of worry sbout how clean our houses are?

It's literally like feminism never happened.

Do you think men have conversations sbout the cleanliness of their houses?

wiffin · 22/06/2023 22:56

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 22/06/2023 21:27

Why do you care? It doesn't affect you, and the tone of your posts is very judgemental - like your version of clean is the only acceptable one.

Does feel a bit like that.

I have a cleaner. So yes my house is clean. However I suspect for somebody who vacuums several times a week and cleans (shampoos?) carpets regularly it wouldn't be clean.

I also have stuff on surfaces.

So for me, it's clean but messy. It's how I like it. I don't want to live in a show home.

beeskipa · 22/06/2023 23:00

I have a cleaner (and obviously clean myself too). But my house is usually some level of messy.

It's only tidy on a Wednesday when the cleaner comes, but then it descends into mess again because of who I am a person haha. If a load of dirt can build up under a pile of washing between a Wednesday and a few days later then sure, you can say my house is also dirty.

HangingOver · 22/06/2023 23:00

My house is messy and sometimes clean and I couldn't given a shitty shit

Merryoldgoat · 22/06/2023 23:04

My house is cleaned regularly - dusted, floor washed, hoovered, wiped, windows washed etc.

However my son is like a wrecking ball and nothing stays tidy for longer than 20 mins.

So yes, YANBU

Merryoldgoat · 22/06/2023 23:04

i mean YABU