To feel sick and tired of having no confidence/being invisible in my 50s?

[Maglin]

I need a shake up. I lost my job 18 months ago (not my fault, business closed). I used my small redundancy package to take some time out and signed up for counselling training. I enjoy the classes but the tutor couldn't be less interested in me - he's very keen on three or four other students and the rest of us don't get a look in. I've put on a stone. I've also broken my wrist and although it's healing well, it's still too painful to drive and I live rurally with no public transport. Dh drives me to the train once a week so I can get to college for the training.

I've applied for 9 jobs, all of which on paper I have good experience for. I always put my age (56) and have not had one interview.

I'm really struggling with feeling low. I am trying desperately to feel grateful for what I do have. I'm also really starting to hate my looks. I'm tallish at 5.7, but a good size 14 with a belly. I try and get my roots done whenever I can, I do my own eyebrows, always clean and presentable. I enjoy seeing friends and take interest in their lives plus the news and I love my teen/young adult dcs. Dh is stressed at work and although we are friendly, he never says anything positive about my appearance so I'm presuming he also thinks I'm unattractive. He's 4 years younger than me and looks it. I did ask him if he could be a bit more encouraging about how I looked and he just laughed and said I was fishing.

I've started avoiding social occasions. I've never done this in my life. It's my dds sports day - last ever one - she's sporty and 17 - on Saturday and I'm already dreading it as I don't have anything to wear. Which I understand is pathetic.

I really don't mean this to sound like a pity party but I wonder what to do to start to grow in confidence? I can't get to a gym or do much in the way of exercise due to wrist, although I do walk a lot every day.

The last straw was seeing my physio yesterday and her reviewing my notes at the beginning and saying 'Maglin. Fell and broke wrist. X rays show healing. Female. Old.'

Thanks if you've managed to read this far!

Showing his unconscious bias quite a bit though isn't he... Challenge it! Start to ask pointed questions about how someone can be supportive of mental health professionally while not recognising someone who is struggling with theirs through confirmation bias (mature women don't amount to much, so this mature woman isn't an amazing individual going through a tough time but showing up every day regardless... She's just behaving to type/my expectations)
Not only is he doing this, he's adding straws to the camels back...

Take your age and DOB off your CV - it's information the employer doesn't need unless you actually accept a job with them.

Also, take any early jobs off your CV. They are irrelevant too - only work you've done in the last 10 years (max) is relevant. Things change so quickly, any experience you gained when you were 25 is now most probably out of date.

But I feel your pain. A woman I work with applied for three internal jobs recently, and was interviewed for all of them. All went to young men. She had previously done pretty much the exact same job as was being advertised in two cases, internally, with the same company. The young men were new to the company, and very inexperienced.
I just wonder whether she'd have got the job if the interview had been over Teams and she'd kept her camera off.

I've been working for the same company for 17 years but the job I really wanted was one I'd done before that. I put those two on but no more.i will take my age off!

Also being older doesn't mean you can't be fun and energetic as you describe your daughters friends mums, you can get all that back

We should all chip in and buy a wood 😁

I have a tiny tiny tree covered bit at the bottom of my garden. Maybe I'll turn it into a wise woman's wood.

I think I would have found it hard not to say something snippy about his lack of email response, something about being more professional

Re exercise. Joe Wickes has millions of videos on you tube. There is something for everyone. Lots of low impact stuff and you can ignore an exercise your wrist won't let you do. I can't do lunges because of my left hip. I just swap for another. It doesn't matter how fast or slow you do things or how many breaks you take. I feel so much better after doing one of his videos. I'm 58.

You sound lovely- I'm going to bet I would like you as a friend. I'm 61 , used to be a beauty queen when I was young- these days I'm 3 to 4 stone overweight (but have been more and it's slowly on a downward trend) I'm feeling similar and I also broke my wrist 18 months ago . It's small stages, sort anything sortable one small stage at a time. Definitely leave age off your CV- if necessary go and do something different not necessarily a career just to get you back out there.

I feel for you. UnMNetty hugs! I am 51 and sometimes feel the same. DC pullling away, DH has a super stressed job, friends busy with sandwich generation responsibilities, work is tough.. have terrible fibroids. Started HRT this month and hope it helps.

I have lost a stone in the last 6 months and that has made a big difference. I also really make an effort to pamper myself. I deserve it. I have worked very hard over the years- as I am sure have you. Doesnt have to be expensive: an icecream in the park, a cheap day trip away, vintage clothes shopping, bath salts. Go away with your friends if you can?

But all this can wait until your wrist has healed! In the meantime, pamper yourself.

What kind of jobs are you applying for? Maybe branch out to something different?

Life can be rubbish post 50. Took me a while to realise! But women are definitely treated differently a lot of your post are things that can be changed though

At 54 I changed my career completely and it's the best thing I did

If your wrist is hurting a lot of time this will be having a big impact on how you are feeling.

What painkillers do you have? Are you doing any physio?

Thanks, yes, it goes through phases of being very sore. Just paracetamol and nurofen. I was also given codeine but opiates make me hear things 😵‍💫