I've never wanted to die more

[iamatoythatpeopleenjoy]

I've just woken up, drunk again. Messaged someone I shouldn't have messaged. Had a guy round last night and I can't fully remember what happened. I became aggressive via text, woke up this morning and he is no longer my friend on Facebook, unsure if my doing or his. Unsure it matters.

I'm so sick of this. This is my life. I do so well professionally but when it comes to the rest of my life I'm just a massive fuck up. Deleting my apps this morning out of sheer embarrassment and I thought if only I could disappear like my apps. I'm so fed up of this ride.

I know I need to quit and it's probably the closest I've been to it in years. I feel like the biggest piece of shit ever. I hate myself

Thanks, still feeling pretty crap but been doing a lot of research about sobriety and I still feel very determined I have to do this. Feel depressed and tired but I suppose the embarrassment is lessening since yesterday. However, still getting moments of cringe. I'm so ready for this change.

This.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can convince yourself to make the changes needed. Please seek help, the people who can do this best are the people who have already been where you are.