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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Talking to the school tomorrow...

82 replies

sparklins · 21/06/2023 19:54

Hi, I'm hoping for an outside opinion as I have never dealt with a situation like this before and don't want to be ''that parent''.

All the kids involved are primary age.

My DS (7) got into an altercation today after school at the community playground. He was playing football with a mixed year group and at one point a couple of older boys from his school started tripping him up and pushing him over. He said he tried to stand up for himself and one of the boys strangled him/put his hands around his throat and the other hit him in the face hard enough to make him fall over and apparently he got up and hit one of them back at which point they got broken up by another boy and then dispersed to go home.

DS is fine, he did have a red mark on his face but it is now faded. He was at the park with a DGP who at the time was supervising a younger sibling at the playpark so had his back to DS and did not see the altercation take place.
As far as I am aware the other parents did not see anything as the football pitch is a little off to the side and parents are generally supervising the little ones on the playground.

I do not know the parents of the other boys although I do know who the boys are. DS seems to think this happened because he tackled them a couple of times whilst playing football.

I feel like this is something I should bring to the attention of the school since they all attend there and I do not want anything further to happen between DS and them. I feel no matter what happened it is unacceptable for older boys to hit someone younger than them and I would like to get to the bottom of what exactly happened however I do not know how to approach this in the best way.

I definitely do not want to approach the parents directly but I also don't want to go in and cause drama with the headteacher.

I feel rather out of my depth and don't know how to word what I am trying to get across.
Would anyone be kind enough to give me a bit of advice on the best course of action?

OP posts:

Marblessolveeverything · 22/06/2023 10:56

I agree with letting the school know. My reasoning would be the level and method of the altercation - if it had have been two 7/8 year olds and a bit of a pushing etc - then I would have dealt with it at the time and left it.

But given the age difference and the hands on neck - that needs escalating and watching. My sons play GAA and hurling which can occasionally get "lively" but to be fair it tends to be pushing and others on the pitch always call it out.

Dinobore · 22/06/2023 11:13

RubyJack · 22/06/2023 10:51

I have made several posts explaining I would want to know and would support.Some people haven't read all I have to say.
It is break time and I am just checking in on the post incase anyone thinks I should be working.

Show quote history

The OP said in their original post before your first post- im sure if you're a headteacher your reading comprehension must be okay!

Oreosareawful · 22/06/2023 11:18

A similar thing happened to my son recently and I absolutely let the head teacher, my sons teacher and the other boys teacher know.
I wasn't requesting any action- we had already spoken to the boys parent and sorted everything out. I was letting the school know so they would be aware that this had happened and could keep and eye out if required.
The teachers were very supportive and I felt better as a parent that my son would be safe in school.

KipferlandCroissant · 22/06/2023 12:00

TeenLifeMum · 21/06/2023 23:09

@RubyJack if you are a head teacher then you have a very different approach to the head teachers I’ve known who want to understand the issues that happen outside of school that may flow into school - stops them being blindsided! Example, class WhatsApp in Year 9 a boy shared hard core porn under the guise of a makeup video. I let the school know and the school were amazing, camping in the boy’s parents, sanctions implemented and there’s not been any further issues 18 months later.

a dc being strangled and punched in the park by another student is definitely useful information for a school to be aware of and not so you can do a vague assemble. Dc wellbeing and safeguarding is everyone’s business and to get the full picture that’s not only 9-3.

a DC ACCUSED of strangling in the middle of a football argument. Not quite the same.

ColonelDax · 22/06/2023 12:11

Have to say that this sounds like a lot of fuss about very little.

Some boys had a brief altercation in the park that resulted in a few punches being thrown and a red mark on a face or two. Hardly the rumble in the jungle.

Children, especially boys have a few scraps as they grow up, its nothing in of itself.

I'd tell them to stay away from each other and only look into taking things further if it continues to happen or becomes a bullying issue.

Actually cannot believe some people are suggesting you should call the Police! seriously...

ColonelDax · 22/06/2023 12:13

To the OP, good for your son standing up for himself against a couple of older boys. That's almost certainly all it will have taken to make them leave him alone and he has gained a valuable life lesson in courage and how to deal with bullies.

The last thing he needs now is his mum wading in and embarrassing him.

SinnerBoy · 22/06/2023 12:53

As some other posters have advised, it's probably worth making his teacher aware, whilst letting them know you're not asking them to deal with it; and to explain that you want them to know, in case it carries on in school.

That said, you need to speak to the parent, as well. Be neutral:

"Sorry, I don't know if you'd heard, but they had a set to and your Johnny grabbed my Tommy by the throat. Could you have a word? After all he's older and bigger than my boy... Thanks."

Most parents will want to know, even if some will say that their Johnny is far too well behaved to ever do that.

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