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Original poster

Is it normal to have even a little bit of jealousy?

34 replies

tropicalbeat · 21/06/2023 19:32

Just an interesting convo I had with my DP earlier. My friend is going travelling for 5 months, without her DP.

I made a comment like “I’d be so worried if I was in her shoes, what he’d be doing and everything”. My DP said he wouldn’t AT ALL be worried if it was me, he’d trust I wouldn’t be doing anything. He said if there wasn’t 100% trust the relationship wouldn’t work.

I said I feel like there should always be at least a tiny bit of curiosity (or even slight jealousy at making friends with other guys etc) but he just couldn’t understand it.

Am I right?

OP posts:
Tribblesarelovely · 21/06/2023 19:42

I agree. You might start off with good intentions, but after such a long time I highly doubt anyone would be faithful.

Caribun · 21/06/2023 20:06

I would disagree with you and would agree with your DP. I would have absolutely no doubts about DH, I'd be sad he was gone and wondering what he was doing but i wouldn't have any doubt about fidelity etc. as I completely trust him.

Cloverforever · 21/06/2023 20:10

No, in my opinion you are wrong.

fuckip · 21/06/2023 20:15

I can kind of see what you mean.

But less "a typical man will leap into bed with someone else when he has a chance to cheat", and more, that length of time and lifestyle difference could easily see you growing apart over time if you're not careful.

Five months travelling is a fair chunk of time and I could see people getting lonely.

Sissynova · 21/06/2023 20:16

No I don’t think there “should” be jealousy. I don’t really see how that helps or what it adds to a relationship other than negativity.

Utterly depressing a PP thinks almost no one would be faithful after 5 months and says more about them.

We’ve had a few periods of 2/3 months where one or the other was off doing things and neither of us have been jealous. If the only thing stopping my partner from cheating is easy opportunity then it’s not a relationship I would want.

WandaWonder · 21/06/2023 20:27

Jealousy does not stop people cheating, I don't give head space to it and would not be with dh if he was jealous

SunnySaturdayinJune · 21/06/2023 20:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it was posted by a previously bas

Kilorrery · 21/06/2023 20:36

I think it’s quite telling that your response to your friend going off travelling solo for five months isn’t ‘God, that sounds wonderful! I’m jealous!’ but to immediately focus on what you clearly perceive as a ‘downside’ to a fabulous-sounding trip, the possibility that her husband will be unfaithful while she’s away!

Also interesting that your (faux-?) concern isn’t that your friend might happily shag her way across South America or something, but that she should be worrying about what her husband is up to with Brenda from Accounts at home…

Are you normally prone to picking holes in someone else’s plans?

And no, I don’t think jealousy is compulsory, or in any way indicates the strength of the relationship. I spent half of every year working in another country for nearly a decade and managed to keep my knickers on. Or is it only men whose fidelity worries you?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 21/06/2023 20:38

I wouldn’t worry at all - and vice versa. I suppose it’s just how much you know/trust your other half.

stayathomer · 21/06/2023 20:38

Absolutely no doubt here either. Neither of us would ever cheat. Just second guessing myself because I know TWO different couples where in one case the man, in the other the woman did cheat when away travelling. I think it would take something insane to cause either of us to even remotely consider cheating though

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 21/06/2023 20:43

Jealousy is an emotion that seems to have bypassed me.

I don't think I've ever been jealous of anything or anyone that I can recall.

It doesn't seem like a healthy emotion.

JamSandle · 21/06/2023 20:43

Jealousy is perfectly naturally. Some people suffer from it in a crippling way and others don't get it often. But it's a perfectly normal emotion.

PimpMyFridge · 21/06/2023 20:44

I'm with your DH. I wouldn't be concerned as I don't think it's a given that someone would cheat on that situation.
But I went travelling for a looong time, while single, and had ample opportunities that I ignored because I wasn't interested. Travelling+time does not equate to sexual incontinence in my mind.
If your DH/DW is open to infidelity that can happen anywhere anytime, no point keeping people on a lead, if you love someone let them be and if they want to stay and be true they will, if they don't they won't.

Thereoughttobeclowns · 21/06/2023 20:46

My husband and I might be weird, smug, or deluded - but we have never, ever had any inklings of jealousy.

Sunnyfeelgood · 21/06/2023 20:52

Jealousy IS a normal emotion to experience. But I can't say I feel it often. I have been cheated on in a super humiliating way by my ex husband, but what would have been the point in being jealous of his time spent away from me? For this reason I dont really get worried or jealous about more recent partners, cos i literally have no control over what they do. They cheat? Then they are an idiot who has lost a good thing. Jealousy doesn't actually protect you from being cheated on and neither does proximity. If my partner wanted to go travelling, I would miss them, but it wouldnt cross my mind that they are using it as an opportunity to cheat on me (they can do that at home). I would just want them to have an amazing time and owe me a future favour!

TheSnowyOwl · 21/06/2023 20:54

I’d be jealous of the sights and experiences they were having whilst I was stuck with my comparatively mundane life at home but not of infidelity

MissingMoominMamma · 21/06/2023 20:56

I’d be really jealous… of her trip!

TomatoSandwiches · 21/06/2023 20:58

It wouldn't even enter my mind tbh, so I suppose I disagree. I would just be excited to either be seeing so many different places and having an adventure or happy for my husband to be having an experience.

Gowlett · 21/06/2023 20:59

Depends on your relationship. When me or DH are out of the house, that’s our own time. We don’t text or call each other more than once a day. Same if one of us was away. I’d bloody love to make off for five months on my own! Fair play to that woman, I say.

SilverOrchid · 21/06/2023 21:09

I’m prone to jealousy, in the sense I’d be jealous of your friend taking an amazing trip that I’m not taking.

I’m not jealous in a relationship though. I mean, I wouldn’t ‘let’ DH go on a 5 month trip without me because I’d be jealous he was having more fun than me and he would be funding it out of family money, but I wouldn’t be concerned about his fidelity.

That said I (very hypocritically) lived about for 9 months early in our relationship and in another city for 3 months after we were married… I didn’t once consider cheating and didn’t for a second think he might be.

So no, I don’t think your response is “normal”.

SilverOrchid · 21/06/2023 21:10

Lived abroad*

35965a · 21/06/2023 21:14

It is weird, I get envious of things and I’d be jealous of your friend’s trip, it sounds amazing but I don’t get much jealousy in my relationship. It’s normal to feel jealous a little sometimes, but like any emotions, we feel them differently. Some people just aren’t jealous. I don’t think it’s wrong to not have those jealous feelings but likewise I don’t think it’s unhealthy to feel that way.

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/06/2023 21:25

No I'd miss him like mad, but I wouldn't worry for a moment he'd be unfaithful. I trust him. And I could go away for years and not cheat, I love him and it simply wouldn't enter my head.

Oblomov23 · 21/06/2023 21:28

Nor I don't agree with you at all. Re the jealousy or being unfaithful.