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Original poster

Abusive ex demanding money owed after years

26 replies

Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 17:33

Hi, just looking for a bit of advice really. So been split up from the ex for about 4 years now. Moved on have a new partner and a daughter who is nearly 1. Seen the ex and his mum separately on a few occasions never spoke to the ex occasionally spoke to his mum.
Last week the ex seen my partner and baby and mouthed off saying I owed his mum money barring in mind nothing has been said for like 4 years.. I came off social media years ago and cut all contact with the ex and anyone associated with him years ago.. so I got a family member to message him basically asking if he was for real mouthing off to my partner when my baby was there and basically told him to piss off. The majority of the money owed was through him lending on the basis of me paying it back which I will absolutely not be paying however there is money owed by me to his mum. During the relationship he basically rinsed me of everything and battered me and treat me like shit wrecked multiple phones and belongings all at my expense the response I received from him was quite threatening. Saying things will get nasty if I don’t pay it. What should I do? I really don’t want to pay a penny but I will do begrudgingly if I have to. Part of me thinks this is him thinking he has the control and can’t stand to see me happy.

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 21/06/2023 17:35

What amount of money is involved?

Saschka · 21/06/2023 17:35

Just ignore it? Honestly your first mistake here was getting a family member to get back in touch with him. just keep him blocked.

AHugeTinyMistake · 21/06/2023 17:35

Don't give him a penny.

If he thinks he can prove you owe him let him take it to court.

If he threatens you again go to police

TheSnowyOwl · 21/06/2023 17:39

If you owe his mother money and it’s unrelated to him, then of course you need to repay. Perhaps the fact he couldn’t get hold of you via social media or phone is why he didn’t say something sooner.

If he is after you directly for money then keep a record and potentially report him for harassment (if it gets to that stage). If he can prove you owe the money though, he might go through the small claims court.

x2boys · 21/06/2023 17:40

Block.him.And go.to.the police obviously.if he continues to be intimidating.

Original poster
Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 17:41

@GrazingSheep like a couple of hundred I believed nothing massive.

@Saschka ahh I know this, but he really got under my skin, and I couldn’t help it.. but my family member has blocked him now.

@AHugeTinyMistake thank you, I think that’s a good solution however he has said I know you live in X place which is a bus journey away from where I originally lived and he lives. I’m not concerned he will do anything though. I just feel like he has an an absolute cheek after what he put me through.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 17:43

@TheSnowyOwl he has seen me on numerous occasions and so has his mum. So why was it never mentioned then I honestly feel like it’s cos he’s seen I’ve moved on and I’m happy and he wants to cause trouble.

OP posts:
HamBone · 21/06/2023 17:43

I found your post confusing.

Do you personally owe his Mum money, or did he borrow it from his Mum with the assumption that you ( not him) would repay it?

If you personally borrowed money from his Mum for your own use then I think you should pay her back.

If he was borrowing money from her, it’s nothing to do with you.

Chowtime · 21/06/2023 17:45

If you owe his mum money then yes, you should pay it back.

Original poster
Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 17:49

@HamBone sorry yeah it is a little bit confusing. I know there is an amount that he has borrowed and expected me to pay back while we were together - like I said I absolutely will not being paying that back.

But the money I owe is for goods and although I know I should have paid it but the day I walked away from him I never looked back and I’ve seen him and his mum enough for them to give me a polite reminder it’s been almost 4 years it’s just brought everything he put me through back and it’s been one of many things said but this is the only thing I’ve risen to.

OP posts:
HamBone · 21/06/2023 17:52

OK, if they were goods that you kept
(not him), then I personally think that you should pay her back.

If there’s nothing in writing though, I don’t see how she can make you do it.

LakeTiticaca · 21/06/2023 17:53

Unless there is a legal document signed that you owe the money, tell him to piss off. Any further harassment you will report to the police

coffeedrinkers · 21/06/2023 17:57

I'd go to the police anyway just so it's logged that he has said it will get nasty if it's not paid back. Complete Twat.
If you feel you owe his mum the money than arrange to pay it back through her, there's no need to have any contact with him.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 21/06/2023 18:01

Contact his mum, ask her how much you owe her, and pay her.

She's probably not mentioned it because I wouldn't imagine it's awkward to bring something like that up to someone your son has been aggressive towards.

Original poster
Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 18:06

@LakeTiticaca there is no legal document that was signed or anything. I actually said you pay your mam back cos you rinsed me for 8 years. I don’t believe for one second it would get nasty, if he was bothered about the money surely he would have said sooner than now and so would she have done. My family and friends have all said to tell him to piss off.
@coffeedrinkers yeah that might be a good shout just so it’s on record but personally I don’t think he will pursue it he has just tried and succeeded to get to me. I’m not scared of him anymore, the control was lost a long time ago. But I do care about my daughter and I I’ll protect her at all costs. I was thinking if I see him mum (because I will) I will discuss it with her personally and go from there.

OP posts:
SmirnoffIceIsNice · 21/06/2023 18:08

If you didn't set up and sign a written repayment plan then he can't do much except intimidate you.

Best thing is probably block and ignore, but just in case he keeps harassing you then maybe make a list of all your belongings he broke, with their value, and tell him you'll call it quits as he owes you more.

Original poster
Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 18:10

@aperolspritzbasicbitch yeah I think I will wait until I see her and speak about it I don’t want to contact her if I’m honest this is a woman who begged me not to go to court when her son stamped on my face and nearly killed me. She was fully aware of her sons behaviour and acted like it was normal. I’m angry that this situation has brought back so much.. but I feel like I’m resenting paying her because of him and because of her too but I should have walked away sooner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gossipxox · 21/06/2023 18:12

@SmirnoffIceIsNice he absolutely would owe me a hell of a lot more if I was to do that. But I said that to him, I will leave it for now and see if I see his mum and put that point across to her. Cos technically she didn’t break them it’s on him for that but then again they are 2 peas in a pod I suppose.

OP posts:
SchoolShenanigans · 21/06/2023 18:16

It sounds like you do owe his mum, who presumably is pretty innocent in all of this.

I would pay his mum back then move on and hope he does the same.

Over40Overdating · 21/06/2023 18:17

Block them all, report the threats to the police and ignore them if you meet in public. If his mum was bothered by the money she would have asked you to repay it.

Personally I’d say the debt was cleared as soon as she asked you to forget about her son stamping on your face.

You’ve moved on, you’re happy - leave them in the past

Grumpusaurus · 21/06/2023 18:18

Well, he can take the money out of what he owes you. Done!

Ponoka7 · 21/06/2023 18:21

He rinsed you, you rinsed his Mum. There'll be a level of her being a victim of DV and being scared of him. You should pay her back. It's nothing to do with what you lived with, or what he did to you.

GeriatricMumma · 21/06/2023 18:26

I wouldn't even have paid it any attention,

Block and move on

Strictly1 · 21/06/2023 18:26

I think you need to separate your ex and his mum. If you owe her money, the right thing to do is pay her back.

madeleine85 · 21/06/2023 18:56

Is there a chance that he wants the money himself, and she isn't asking for it at all? Definitely raise it with her directly, and if she wants it back, then repay. Maybe he is in need of cash, and pulling a fast one.